Complete Insanity
by IAmMeAndNoOneElse
Summary: The WWE Superstars have been giving poor Vince McMahon hell all night, so he decides to lock them in the arena. Once they get out, Vince decides a road trip with assigned partners would be a suitable punishment. Hope you enjoy!
1. Annoyance & Evil

Disclaimer - I own nothing.

Part 1 – Vince McMahon "Annoyance and evil"

Vince McMahon sat in his temporary office at the WWE joint Pay-Per-View, Survivor Series. The very special Christmas Survivor Series was currently being held on December 24, in Toronto Canada. Everyone, especially the fans, had been at least a little bit excited for the show.

Out in the ring and in front of the cameras, everything was going pretty good, but backstage, it had been a living hell for poor Vince all night.

It had all started when his daughter Stephanie had barged into the room, demanding money to buy something for her newborn baby.

"Stephanie that's just plain ridiculous" Was Vince's response, "What's a baby going to do with an amusement park"?

His daughter had responded by screaming, "He'll do tons of stuff daddy! Why don't you love me? You only care about your stupid company! It's all WWE this and WWE that! You never pay attention to me anymore!" In one breath.

Despite the fact that this was completely ridiculous and Vince new it, he had given in just to shut her up, although he still couldn't figure out what on earth a baby would possibly want with an amusement park.

Thinking back on it now, Vince realized that it had probably been Stephanie's husband Triple H who had put her up to it, just to push Vince's buttons.

The second thing that had happened was evenly annoying, in Vince's mind at least.

Near the start of the Pay-Per-View, Vince had ordered a backstage hand to find Triple H and his partner in crime Shawn Michaels and send them to his office ASAP, so he could talk to them for a minute.

Now, about two hours and fifty-five minutes later, there was still no sign of either of the degenerates. Vince wished that the fans didn't like them so much. If they didn't make ratings so high, he would have plans to fire them both.

Finally, the worst thing that had happened had happened just a few minutes ago. The main event of the evening was scheduled to be John Cena facing Edge for the WWE title, but at the last minute Cena had disappeared and no one could find him.

Since there was no sign of Cena, Chris Jericho had volunteered to take his place in the title match. Having no other alternative, Vince had agreed, and the match was still going on to this very minute.

However, just a few minutes after the match had started, a crewmember had found a disgruntled John Cena locked in a storage closet down one of the corridors.

In a rage, Vince had questioned Cena, demanding to know who had put him in there.

Cena's answer was "A certain blond haired Canadian moron who thinks he the king of the world."

I bet you can guess who that was.

Vince was angrier than he had been in… well… a couple days, but there was nothing he could do to stop the match now that it had started. Well maybe except pray that Jericho wouldn't win.

Vince couldn't believe his eyes as he watched the screen now.

Lita was apparently sick and tired of being with Edge, because, as the Chairman of the WWE looked on, she handed brass knuckles to a shocked Jericho as the referee and Edge were arguing, therefore not paying attention.

"What the…" Vince said in shock "TURN AROUND YOU IDIOT!"

Edge unknowingly obeyed the bosses' orders, but when he turned around, Jericho blasted him with a brass-knuckled punch. The referee didn't see Jericho's fist long enough to detect the illegal object, so he counted as the self-proclaimed king of the world covered the Rated-R-Superstar. 1…2…3.

Jericho was ecstatic and Lita seemed pleased, but Vince McMahon went insane.

"YOU IDIOT! I SHOULD FIRE YOU, YOU STUPID SON OF A…" Vince took a deep breath to get a hold of himself. He was freakin Vince McMahon! He didn't have to put up with this crap! He wouldn't put up with this crap!

Vince took a moment to get himself together, and then an evil thought came into his head. It was Christmas Eve… They were in Toronto… All in one building… That was it! He would pay all of them back BIGTIME!

Smiling his evil smile, Vince gathered all of his stuff and left his office. He gathered all of the technicians, backstage hands, and crewmembers, excluding the cameramen, (he wanted video footage of this) and explained what was going on.

Making sure that most of the fans had gotten out, Vince had some of the crewmembers lock the place up, excluding one door, and then headed with the crew to the final door.

"Have a merry Christmas, you sorry bunch of idiots," He muttered evilly as he left a note saying just that on the door, and then walked out the only remaining unlocked door with the crewmembers, and had them lock it behind him.


	2. Trapped

Disclaimer - As always, I own nothing.

Part 2 – Chris Jericho "Trapped"

1…2…3.

Chris Jericho jumped up as the excitement and realization of what had just happened hit him.

He had defeated Edge. He was back on top. He was the WWE champion. And he owed it all to… Lita? He had been about to think something like 'how perfect he was' or his 'unimaginable skill' or even his mother for giving birth to him, but than he realized that it was Lita who gave him the brass knucks.

Not that he couldn't have won without them, but it sure made winning a heck of a lot easier.

With that thought, as well as his excitement on his mind, he beckoned for the redhead standing at ringside to get in.

She seemed to consider it for a moment, but eventually gave in and entered the ring.

Happy as ever, Chris grabbed her and easily hoisted her up on his shoulders. He then passed her the WWE championship and she held it high up above her head, creating a pose to remember as Survivor Series went off the air.

10-20 minutes later –

Chris and Lita walked along backstage, Jericho happily spinning the WWE logo on his new title belt, while Lita playfully rolled her eyes. They reached Jericho's locker room (Yes in this case the girl walked the guy "home") and said their goodbyes.

"Well thanks again for all your help babe," said Jericho.

"Not that I needed it, but thanks anyway."

Lita rolled her eyes again. "How many times do I have to tell you to stop calling me that?"

"You can tell me all you want, but I that doesn't mean I'll ever stop" he said with a smirk.

With that Lita rolled her eyes for the third time and walked off down the hall.

"See ya later!" he shouted.

In response to this, she gave him a rude hand gesture over her shoulder.

Jericho laughed as he entered his locker room; somehow he was in a genuinely good mood for once.

He gathered his stuff and exited the locker room, then headed for exit of the arena.

On his way out, he was constantly forced to put down his stuff as people insisted on shaking his hand to congratulate him or attempting to kill him, which only annoyed him the slightest bit as he was in a very good mood.

He wasn't so happy though when Big Show slapped him on the back or when Kane gave him a huge bear hug. Those hurt.

Well anyway, Chris finally made it to the exit and saw Vince McMahon's note on the door. Being the arrogant man that he was, Chris just ignored the note as he stepped up to it. He was surprised when it didn't open. "Automatic doors my ass," he muttered as he put down his stuff to physically open the door.

However, he found that no matter how hard he tried, it wouldn't budge. "What the heck is wrong with the stupid door?" he yelled aloud.

He continued trying to force the door open until someone else came along.

"Jericho, what the heck are you trying to do?" a female voice asked.

"What does it look like I'm trying to do, Blondie!"

"My hair's not blond you egotistic moron." The voice responded.

Shocked, Jericho turned around and raised an eyebrow. "Since when did you become such a bitch, Melina?" He asked.

Melina laughed. "I didn't. I just don't appreciate being called Blondie, Blondie."

"Fair enough." he responded. "The door won't open."

"It won't?" Melina asked, "Did you read that note?"

"No."

Melina took a page from Lita's book and rolled her eyes, than walked over and read the note. "I think I know why it won't open now" she said.

"Oh? And why is that?"

"Read the note."

Jericho took it and read it. "So? He just wanted to wish us a merry Christmas."

Melina rolled her eyes again. "No you idiot, he meant have a 'merry' Christmas in here! He locked us in!"

Jericho turned red, probably more from embarrassment than anger. "Ohhhh I get it now."

"We have to tell everyone else" Melina said.

"No problem" said Jericho, demonstrating what little brains he had.

With that he lead the way to the backstage control room and announced the bad news to everyone left in the arena over the loudspeaker.

"Well now that's taken care of," he said, turning back to Melina.

But she frowned. "Aren't you the WWE Champion now?" she asked.

It was Jericho's turn to roll his eyes. "No, I beat Edge in a title match and was announced the new champion, but I'm not the champion" he said sarcastically.

"Ok smart guy" she said "I was just going to ask you, if you are the champion, then where is the title belt?"

Chris looked at his shoulder, than back up at Melina. "Crap"


	3. Work & Chaos

Disclaimer - I own nothing.

A/N - Wow! I got five reviews that fast? You guys are awesome! Oh, and to HuntersAngelJacky, I just figured I'd tell you, It was Jericho who locked Cena in the closet wanting to take his place in the title match, not Edge. I see why you thought it was Edge though lol. Well, on with the story!

Part 3 – Everyone "Work and Chaos"

As Chris Jericho announced the bad news over the loud speaker, different people had different reactions.

Some went crazy and started yelling and throwing things (Big Show even threw Scotty 2 Hotty) others were optimists and decided to set up a super show for the remaining fans, and since the camera men were left over, it could be recorded too.

JBL got off his butt to get into the ring and announce to the fans what was happening, and that from now on, they all had all-access-passes, so they could go wherever they wanted.

Most of the fans stayed in their seats or calmly headed backstage, but one old woman with gray hair went crazy and ran backstage, receiving quite a few strange looks from everyone who saw her.

Randy Orton had apparently found the way up to the rafters, because he was currently high above the ringside area with a toolbox beside him, trying to figure out how the ceiling pyrotechnics worked.

Rob Conway, Tyson Tomko, and a few others were screwing around with the pyrotechnics that had been placed on the stage, trying to figure out how to work them.

"Holy crap!" Conway exclaimed as he accidentally set off an explosive burst of fireworks.

Edge and Christian carried various objects such as ladders and other weapons from the backstage area down to ringside. They were making constant trips back and forth, trying to load the area up with weapons.

Batista kneeled by the ring lifting the flap on the side of the ring to look underneath at a few of the girls who were making sure the right weapons were placed in the right places.

"OW! Why do we have to do this?" Torrie Wilson asked as she emerged from under the ring rubbing her head.

"Because you're the smallest. You fit best." Batista said with a chuckle.

"Rey Mysterio is shorter than I am." Torrie muttered as she went back under, causing Batista to laugh.

"You got a point there."

Eddie Guererro and Rey Mysterio worked together trying to figure out one of the machines that was on the stage.

"Hey Randy!" Eddie yelled, knowing that the Legend Killer had a toolbox.

"Yeah?" Orton yelled down from the rafters.

"Can you throw me a wrench?"

"Sure thing" Orton replied, dangerously chucking a wrench off the side and toward Eddie.

Eddie turned back toward Randy and the wrench (he had been looking at the machine) then yelled and jumped to the side.

"Jeez!" Rey yelled as the wrench flew right past Eddie and hit the machine, making a large dent.

"I meant to me, not at me, Esse! Eddie yelled up to Randy.

The legend killer laughed and shrugged "Sorry!

Chris Jericho was franticly running around in search of his missing title. He looked high and low all over the place but there was still no title. Finally he found a little girl carrying a spinner belt.

"Give that title you little brat!" Jericho yelled ripping the belt from the girl's hands and shoving her down in the process.

The little girl began to cry, but Chris didn't care; she did steal his title. Only when he saw that the nameplate on the title said 'Breanna', did he realize that it was one of those fake titles that you can buy on the Internet.

"Crap!" he yelled, angry at his mistake.

He threw the title to the ground and hurried off to find the real WWE championship, despite the fact that the girl's mother was yelling at him for what he had done.

Jericho tore through the hallways but came to an abrupt stop as he nearly crashed into Eugene and William Regal.

"Oh, Chris Jericho! Chris Jericho! We've been looking all over for you!" Exclaimed Eugene.

"That's nice but I don't have time to talk right now I'm looking for my -"

William Regal interrupted him as Eugene held out his championship. "Title?"

Jericho let out a sigh of relief. Then snatched his title.

"I'll thank you not to take stuff that doesn't belong to you, Eugene." He yelled. "Especially not the WWE championship!"

Regal glared at him. "He didn't TAKE it you bloody jerk! He FOUND it!"

With that, Regal grabbed his young protégé and began to pull him away. "Come on Eugene, let's go."

"Whatever" Jericho muttered, hugging his title close to him. He then kissed it and held it out to look at it, only to see that the nameplate said 'Eugene'.

"What the… I'LL KILL YOU, YOU LITTLE RETARD!" Jericho roared as he tore off down the hall after Eugene.

After a bit of persuasion, humiliation, apologizing, and begging, Jericho finally got the real title back from Eugene and Regal, making sure the nameplate said 'Edge' and it was heavier than the fake one before he left.

A/N -Yes I know I put that the nameplate said 'Edge', but that's because Jericho didn't get the plate changed yet. Just didn't want to confuse anyone :)


	4. Christmas Fun

Disclaimer - I own nothing as usual

Part 4 – Everyone "Christmas fun"

As everyone had been either working or trying to kill each other, they didn't even notice that it was 12:00 A.M., meaning it was Christmas day.

Christy Hemme was the first to notice what time it was when she nonchalantly glanced at a backstage clock.

Grabbing a microphone, she hurried out to the ring side ramp and announced, "Everybody, Everybody, It's 12:13! That means it's Christmas!"

Everyone looked around at each other, not believing what they heard for a moment, then the realization hit them and the majority of the superstars and fans erupted into cheers, some even began to sing.

The cheers were stopped when an unbelievably loud noise rang through the arena.

"MISSSSTTTTERRRRRR KKKKENNNNNNEEDDDDDDDDYYYYY!" everyone looked at Kennedy, who was standing in the ring with the Raw ring announcer Lillian Garcia.

"Umm... thank you Mr. Kennedy" Lillian said awkwardly as Kennedy left the ring.

Apparently he had just been trying to shut everyone up so Lillian could speak.

"Well everybody, I was thinking I would sing a Christmas song to you all, so what do you have to say about that?"

Almost everyone erupted into a chorus of "YEAH!"

Lillian smiled "Well alright then! If you know the words you can sing along! Oh and I'm sorry if the religious songs offend you" With that Lillian began to sing 'Away in a manger' and a few others joined in.

Backstage, Finlay was putting a dollar-bill into a vending machine. Nothing came out, and Finlay muttered a few curses under his breath. Then a thought came to him.

"What am I doin, Vinnie Mac's not even here!"

With a smile on his face, he pulled out his shillelagh and with one blow, shattered the glass.

He then took as many bags of the snacks that he could carry and brought them out to the ringside ramp.

"Snacks for everybody!" He yelled, throwing the snacks all over the place, and then heading back for more.

Eddie Guererro, who was singing along with Lillian, reached out and grabbed a bag of the snacks.

Stopping his singing momentarily, he said, "Hey Rey-Rey, want some Cheetos?"

Rey, who was also singing stopped to say "Sure!" and the two friends had a good time singing, laughing, and eating Cheetos.

After storing his title away in his luggage, Chris Jericho headed out to the ramp to join the fun, only to be scared out of his mind when Sylvan Grenier stumbled over a bag of chips and fell onto one of the machines, setting off a burst of fire right by poor Chris.

Everyone nearby exploded in laughter, so Jericho just waved them all off and headed backstage again, not expecting to see what he did.

There standing in the hallway, was the Undertaker, being harassed by what looked like a little old lady.

Jericho just snickered and began to watch, but it didn't go on much longer.

Undertaker had apparently gotten sick of the old woman, because he hoisted her up and delivered a Tombstone.

"Holy crap dude!" Jericho shouted.

"What?" asked Taker.

"You just Tombstone piledrived a friggin old lady!"

"So?" was Takers reply.

"You beat up a little girl and stole her FAKE wwe title!"

"So? I didn't put the walls of Jericho on her, did I? Wait a minute, how do you know about that?"

Undertaker snickered. "I have my ways, Jericho. I have my ways."

With that, Taker turned and headed away, leaving Jericho standing bewildered in the hallway, until his cell phone went off and begin playing his ring tone.

The song that came out was not what he had chosen though, and he made a mental note not to leave his phone anywhere near Rico ever again.

5 minutes later –

Chris Jericho stepped out onto the entrance ramp carrying a microphone with him.

"Hey idiots, listen up!" he yelled over the singing, then he laughed when they all began to listen.

"Vince McMahon called and said we can get out a here tomorrow morning, or I guess that would be today now, if we go on a road trip and do crap for him or something, so screw the super show, stop trying sing, and I emphasize the word 'trying' and get the freak to sleep!"

Then Jericho walked backstage leaving everyone else in a stunned silence.

"You heard him, we can leave tomorrow! Everybody get everything your gonna need and find somewhere to sleep!" Triple H yelled.

There was then a mad rush for the locker rooms, as everyone apparently wanted to leave, despite the fun they'd just been having.


	5. Sleepy Time

Disclaimer - I own nothing. Oh, and the idea of Triple H liking to sleep next to Shawn goes to Mizz Molko and her hilarious stories.

Part 5 – Everyone "Sleepy Time"

After Jericho's announcement, everyone had hurried off to their locker rooms and gathered their bedtime gear so they could find a place to sleep.

Although most of the guys would never admit it, a large majority of them, along with the girls, were to afraid to sleep in their locker room's, or they just wanted to have a 'sleepover' so that is why they weren't just sleeping in there.

Everyone was running around all over the place either trying to get the best spots, or trying to find any good spot at all.

Rob Van Dam had headed down to the ring and placed his small mattress diagonally across the corner. He then climbed up and lay down on it, getting some odd looks for his strange sleeping spot.

"You're going to fall off when you go to sleep, Rob" said Candice Michelle.

"Nah, I'll be fine," said Rob with a wink and Candice just shrugged.

Shawn Michaels and Triple H walked over and set up little places for themselves by the barricade that separated the fans from the ringside area. Triple H sighed as he lay down against the barricade.

"I like sleeping next to you, Shawn," he said as he closed his eyes.

Shawn Michaels, more than a little disturbed, inched away from his very strange friend.

Thankfully for Shawn, Hunter's wife Stephanie came over and lay down by the Game, giving him someone else to cuddle with.

Kurt Angle walked over and lay down by Melina near the entrance ramp, surprising her.

"Hi" he said.

"Hi" she replied with a smile.

"My mommy says that this blankie will keep the monsters from getting me" he said showing her his blanket.

"We can share if you want, I don't want the monsters to get you either."

She giggled and accepted, mostly to be nice to the very 'special' Olympic Gold Medalist, so he put the blanket over both of them.

The Legend Killer Randy Orton smiled to himself as he lay down right in the walkway of a somewhat dark area. He hoped someone tripped over him. That would be funny.

JBL threw his stuff onto the announcer's table shoving Michael Cole's stuff (which was already there) off.

"Hey that's my spot!" Cole yelled at JBL as he came back from wherever he was (most likely the bathroom).

"Not anymore" said JBL with a laugh as Jerry "The King" Lawler did the same thing JBL had done to Cole to poor old Jim Ross.

The WWE fans, having nowhere else to sleep, mostly just lay down in the audience.

Eugene headed away from William Regal and over to Torrie Wilson.

"You're pretty. Can I sleep here?" He asked quickly.

"Sure if ya want" she said.

"Thank you!" Eugene exclaimed happily as he set down his stuff by her.

A large group of the remaining superstars (mostly friends) were all setting up their stuff in the ring. Chris Jericho, Chris Benoit, Batista, Eddie Guererro, Rey Mysterio, Trish Stratus, Lita, Candice Michelle, Christy Hemme, Lillian Garcia, Finlay, Sylvan Grenier, Rob Conway, Rene Dupree, Carlito, Chris Masters, The Great Khali, Big Show, and Kane were all jamming there stuff and themselves into the ring at different angles. It was a tight squeeze, especially for Khali, Big Show, and Kane, and some people had to lie on top of others, but they somehow managed to pull it off.

Everyone said goodnight all over the arena, and soon almost everyone was asleep.


	6. Rude Awakenings

Disclaimer - I own nothing.

Part 6 – Everyone "Rude Awakenings"

Everyone woke up the next morning in some very strange positions.

Shawn Michaels woke up with Triple H clinging to him instead of Stephanie. Shawn groaned as he tried to get the game off of him, unintentionally waking him up in the process.

Triple H yawned and sat up.

"Good morning Shawn" he said happily as he stood up to stretch.

"Morning" Shawn replied, not so enthusiastically.

Triple H didn't seem to notice though, as he yawned again and looked around. When he looked up, he saw something that he thought must not be real.

He rubbed his eyes. Still there.

"Ummmm… Shawn?"

"Yeah?"

Hunter pointed.

Shawn looked up.

"What in the heck…"

High up on the rafters, swaying slowly back and forth, was Randy Orton. Standing, but still asleep.

"Holy crap…" Shawn said softly.

"Should we wake him?" asked Hunter.

"Yeah" said Shawn "But don't -"

He was cut off when Hunter yelled "Randy!"

The Legend killer jerked from his sleep and jumped backwards, a little to far.

Both men watched with wide eyes as Randy fell screaming from the rafters, which were easily 80 feet above the ground.

Luckily for Orton, he had been standing right above the ring, which was still filled with a bunch of sleeping weirdo's…um cough cough I mean wrestlers. Randy plummeted all the way down and crashed right into the middle of the group, which woke them all up.

" - Yell at him" Shawn finished with a sigh.

Then the yelling started, and if Randy's scream hadn't already woken everybody else up, the yelling certainly did.

"AHH! WHAT THE HECK?"

"Get your foot outta my face!"

"Get the heck off me you moron!"

"Ouch esse that hurt!"

"Nice of you to drop in Orton!"

"You idiot!"

"Who the heck stole my pants!"

"Wow dude, what size are your feet? Like 857?"

And the list of things that were yelled goes on and on.

Finally after everything had calmed down, Shawn Michaels began to question poor, poor, traumatized, poor Randy Orton.

"Why were you even up there in the first place?" Shawn asked

"I don't know! One of you must have put me up there while I was asleep!" Randy yelled looking suspiciously around at everyone.

"Yeah, 'cause we wanted to find you wherever you were sleeping, pick you up, carry you ALL the way up to the rafters, and leave you there in the middle of the night when we all wanted to get some sleep? Bullcrap Orton!" yelled Chris Jericho

"Yeah he's right Randy," said Trish Stratus. "That's crazy. You must have sleep-walked."

"All the way up there, yeah right!" Randy exclaimed.

Almost everyone rolled their eyes.

"Who even cares anyway?" asked Big Show.

"I care!" Randy yelled.

"Yeah but besides you," said Big Show

Silence.

"Well ok then it's decided. No one cares! So everybody get your stuff because according to this watch I found -" Started Jericho.

But he was cut off.

"Hey that's mine!" Carlito exclaimed.

"You stole Carlito's watch? Dat is so not cool." He finished.

"Yeah, whatever" said Jericho. "I just found it. It must have fallen off"

"It can't have fallen off, 'cause it was in Carlito's luggage!" Carlito yelled.

"Psshh, in your personal stuff, on the floor, what's the difference?" Jericho replied.

"There's a big difference you thief! Did you take anything else?"

"Umm… No." said Jericho, not making eye contact with Carlito.

Carlito groaned and snatched his watch back. "You better not have 'cause dat is not cool!"

"Whatever…" Said Jericho.

"Well anyway, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, " He said with a glare at Carlito.

"YOU STOLE CARLITO'S WATCH, AND PROBABLY OTHER STUFF TOO!" Carlito screamed.

Jericho just looked at him for a second but then continued as if Carlito hadn't just screamed his head off.

"According to the watch, Vince is supposed to come let us out any minute now, so everybody go get your stuff."

Everyone did just that, even Carlito, although he was mumbling to himself and searching through his stuff to see what else Jericho may have taken.


	7. Battle Royal

Disclaimer - I own nothing.

A/N - This one's a little shorter because it took A while to set up the battle royal and make sure everyone who was supposed to get eliminated did, which can sometimes be no easy task. I'll post Part 8 early to make up for this though :)

Part 7 – Everyone "Battle Royal"

Everyone quickly gathered all of their stuff, eager to get out of the Toronto arena from hell.

They all stood around for a few minutes, bored out of their minds.

"Where's Vince?" Someone asked.

No answer.

"Alright whatever, me and Rey-Rey are going to go kill some time," said Eddie Guererro as he and Rey Mysterio walked back to the ringside area.

Time passed by.

10 minutes

Christian, Big Show, and Christy Hemme followed Eddie and Rey.

20 minutes

A few others headed down to the ring.

30 minutes

A few more stopped staring at the door.

This continued happening until everyone had gotten bored and headed back to the ring.

No one had any idea where Vince was, so having nothing better to do, the guys plus Lita started a battle royal in the ring while the girls minus Lita watched and cheered for their friends.

The Battle Royal Rules were strange; people entered at random intervals and anyone who wanted to 'play' could.

This is the order in which they were eliminated, and by whom –

Jonathan Coachman by Kane

Christian by Jericho

Carlito by Cena

King Booker by Batista

Chavo Guerrero by Eddie & Rey

Big Show by Triple H & Shawn Michaels

Tatanka by Mr. Kennedy

William Regal by Rob Conway & Sylvan Grenier

Rob Conway & Sylvan Grenier by Eugene

John Cena by JBL

JBL by Kurt Angle

Rey Mysterio by Kurt Angle

Charlie Haas by Kurt Angle

Finlay by Bobby Lashley

Bobby Lashley by Mark Henry

Edge by Lita

Mark Henry by Jericho & Lita

Mr. Kennedy by Chris Masters

Scotty 2 Hotty by Kane

Funaki by Kane

Super Crazy by Hurricane

Shelton Benjamin by Goldust

Snitsky by himself

Psychosis by Hurricane

Hurricane by Test

Tommy Dreamer by Lita

Sandman by Lita

Test by Jericho & Lita

Chris Masters by Triple H & Shawn Michaels

Shawn Michaels by Kane

Triple H by Kane

Kane by Rene Dupree

Rene Dupree by Jericho & Lita

Goldust by Jericho

Rico by Undertaker

Billy by Undertaker

Chuck by Undertaker

Paul London by Undertaker

Brian Kendrick by Undertaker

Chris Benoit by Eugene and Randy Orton

Eugene by Orton

Orton by Undertaker

Tajiri by Billy Kidman

Billy Kidman by Khali

Batista by Eddie Guererro

Lance Cade by Jericho – Trevor Murdoch by Lita

Nunzio by Vito

Vito by Undertaker

Undertaker by Kurt Angle

Eddie Guererro by Khali

Khali by Rob Van Dam, Kurt Angle, Jericho & Lita

Kurt Angle by Rob Van Dam & Jericho

Rob Van Dam by Jericho

Jericho by Lita

The Battle Royal was long and hard, but in the end, everyone was "Royally" (excuse the pun) embarrassed when Lita managed to win by flinging Chris Jericho over the top rope with her 'Litacanrana.'

Throughout the battle, many cool and strange things happened, including Coach getting eliminated in less than 5 seconds, and Goldust attempting a Shattered Dreams on Lita (Jericho saved her and eliminated the golden freak)

As everyone laughed at how stupid they were to underestimate Lita, they heard a big booming voice from up by the entranceway.

"What in the heck are you idiots doing? If you want to leave, stop playing your stupid games, get your stuff, and let's go!"

Only one person sounded like that.

Vince McMahon had finally arrived.


	8. Rules, Teams, & Vehicles

Disclaimer - I own nothing.

Part – 8 Everyone "Rules, Teams, and Vehicles"

Everyone hurried to gather their things and followed Vince McMahon out of that forsaken arena.

As they headed out to the parking lot, the sight there surprised them.

"So this is why Vince was late." Melina said quietly as she looked at the large variety of vehicles that were in front of them.

Along with the vehicles, and also surprising everyone, were several other people.

The Rock, Mick Foley, Hulk Hogan, Hulk's daughter Brooke, and Stone Cold Steve Austin stood in various places around the parking lot.

"Now this is how it's gonna work" said Vince "You're all going to be partnered up with at least one other person; except for my daughter Stephanie who will be alone, and each group will be given a vehicle. You don't have to keep the vehicle I give you, but you might want to since I'm sure you'll have trouble supplying your own, and no, you cannot take a plane at the Airport. If you can some how get a private jet or something, that will be permitted. (Everyone eyed the small 2 person jet plane that was strangely in the parking lot) Now here is what your going to do. As you all know, we are currently in Toronto Canada. Your goal will be to reach a certain golf course near the Florida Everglades as quickly as possible. There you will find my son Shane. He will present the first group there with a very... special prize. He will also give you your next group; yes the groups might change, and your next destination. The process will basically repeat itself, aside from the fact that you will be going to different places."

"So let me get this straight; we're supposed to be wrestlers, and we're racing across the country or world or whatever for 'a special prize'?" asked Christian.

"Yep" said Vince.

"How long is this gonna go on?" asked Kane.

"Until I get bored, so probably close to the rest of your stupid lives," Vince replied.

Everyone groaned.

"What if we refuse?" asked John Cena.

"Then your fired."

Everyone groaned again.

"Well you better come get a list to find out your partner or partners and vehicle." Vince said with a smile as he held up a stack of papers. "Oh and if your name is not on the list, that means your not participating."

Everyone was apparently eager to get their list, as they quickly grabbed them.

Everyone except Stephanie McMahon.

"But daddy, I don't want to do this!" The youngest McMahon whined, "No 'special prize' could be worth this!"

"Well princess," Said Vince. "If you win one or some of the races, I'll give you EXTREMELY special prizes that I'm sure you'll love."

"Like what?"

"Like your own brand and a bunch of superstars to start it up. Hell, if you do good, it might even be better than Raw or Smackdown. How does that sound, Stephie?"

"Ok daddy I'll play." Stephanie said quickly.

"I thought so," said Vince with a smile as Stephanie hurried off.

"Hey McMahon, my insane father-in-law, you can't seriously expect us to take those!" Came the voice of Triple H as he pointed to the vehicles that he and Shawn Michaels had been assigned to.

"Oh yes I can." Said Vince "That's what you get when you cross the boss!"

"Fine, you want to play that way, we'll play that way." Said Triple H. "Come on Shawn let's go."

Vince smiled triumphantly as he watched the degenerates go. "This is gonna be so much fun." He said to himself, happy he had come up with this idea.

Hopefully some of the morons would die somewhere along the road.

Teams & Vehicles

John Cena & Maria – Car

King Booker & Queen Sharmell – Car

JBL, Michael Cole, JR, Jerry "The King" Lawler, Tazz, & Joey Styles, – Van

Khali, Daivari, Bobby Lashley, & Mark Henry – SUV

Rene Dupree, Rob Conway, Sylvan Grenier, Billy, Chuck, Rico, Finlay, Ric Flair, Coach, Kurt Angle, & Melina – Small Hippie Bus

Rob Van Dam, Miss Jackie, Paul London, & Brian Kendrick – Helicopter

Eddie Guererro & Rey Mysterio – Low rider

Stone Cold Steve Austin & Randy Orton – Monster Truck

Edge & Christian – Box with wheels

Triple H & Shawn Michaels – Small pink bikes with tassels

Matt & Jeff Hardy – Motorcycle

Chris Jericho & Lita – Motorcycle

Hulk Hogan, Brooke Hogan, Trish Stratus, Christy Hemme, Batista, & Undertaker – Van

The Rock, Eugene, William Regal, Torrie Wilson & Kane – SUV

Mick Foley & Big Show – Car

Chris Masters, Carlito, Lillian Garcia, Mr. Kennedy, Chris Benoit, & Candice Michelle - SUV

Stephanie McMahon – 2 Person Private Jet


	9. Road Trip Beginning

Disclaimer - I own nothing. Oh, and credit for the idea (But not the way it's written out in my story) of Cena and Booker racing down the highway goes to niteryde, I just couldn't resist putting something like that in there. :)

Part 9 – Everyone "Road Trip Beginning"

Everyone quickly grabbed a list, found out who their partner or partners and vehicles were, and hurried off.

Stone Cold Steve Austin quickly found Randy Orton and the two jumped into the Monster Truck with Austin as the driver, and while exiting the parking lot, drove over the car that was meant for Mick Foley and Big Show, as well as a few other cars in the process.

"HEY!" Big Show yelled as he attempted to chase after the huge truck.

"Ummm… you do know Vince doesn't expect us to run all the way to Florida, right?" asked Show's partner Mick Foley as he came over to the big man.

"Of course I know that!" Show yelled. "Those idiots Austin and Orton just crushed our car!"

"Ohh, well I guess we will be traveling on foot now." Said Foley with his gap-toothed grin.

Show glared at him, then sighed, rolled his eyes, and put his head in his hands.

"Oh… Tough luck" said Vince McMahon as he walked up by the two of them.

He should have kept quiet though, because the very angry Big Show grabbed him by the collar of the shirt, lifted him up and started screaming at him.

"THAT'S NOT FAIR!" Show yelled "THEY SHOULD BE DISQUALIFIED!"

Vince stupidly told him that it was completely fair, so the big man chucked his boss at least halfway across the parking lot.

Vince crashed through one of the windows of the Hippie bus and landed right on Kurt Angle's lap.

"Oh, are you coming with us too, Mr. McMahon?" Kurt stupidly asked.

"NO I'M NOT COMING YOU IDIOT!" Vince screamed as he pulled himself up and left the bus, causing the Olympic Gold Medallist to cry.

"It's ok Kurt, it's ok." Melina, who was sitting beside Kurt, said softly as she hugged him.

As Vince exited the bus, his daughter ran up to him.

"DADDY!" Stephanie screamed. "THEY'RE STEALING MY PLANE!"

She pointed over to the private jet, and Vince could see Triple H and Shawn Michaels in it, by looking through the glass in front.

HEY! Vince screamed. "YOU CAN'T STEAL MY DAUGHTER'S JET!"

Shawn looked around, saw Vince and Stephanie yelling and running at the plane, and showed Triple H.

The Game laughed as he and Shawn gave mock waves to his wife and father-in-law.

The plane took off when Vince and Stephanie were about ten feet from it, despite the fact that both McMahon's were screaming their heads off.

In a rage, Vince pulled out his cell phone and dialed Shane.

"Hello?" his son answered.

"SHANE! IF TRIPLE H AND SHAWN MICHAELS WIN, DON"T GIVE THEM THE PRIZE!" Vince screamed into the phone.

"Alright, Alright dad I got it. Don't give Hunter and Shawn the prize. You didn't have to scream."

Just then, with perfect timing to interrupt Vince's conversation, a motorcycle screeched by and the driver reached out and snatched Vince's phone from him.

"HEY!" Vince screamed again. "JERICHO! I'LL KILL YOU!"

But before Vince could yell anymore, a second motorcycle shot in-between him and his daughter, causing him to jump backward and land on his butt.

"HARDYS! YOU'RE DEAD TOO!"

But Jericho, Lita, Jeff, and Matt ignored their boss as Jeff drove his and Matt's motorcycle out of the parking lot narrowly missing a bunch of cars, and Jericho and Lita screeched through the parking lot, using a board that was leaning on a dumpster as a ramp and landing in the road.

"Oh my! That's a grand exit if I've ever seen one!" said Mick Foley as he and the Big Show exited the parking lot on foot.

Rob Van Dam and Miss Jackie quickly jumped into their helicopter, and Rob started it up, muttering, "Thank God I got drunk one night and took helicopter lessons."

"Wait for Paul and Brian, Rob!" Jackie yelled.

"Paul and Brian? Oh crap," said Rob as the helicopter began to take off.

"Hey! Wait up!" a voice called from the ground.

Rob and Jackie looked out of the helicopter (Which was a least 8 feet above the ground by now) and saw Paul London and Brian Kendrick running frantically toward it.

"Grab the ladder!" Jackie screamed as Rob extended the emergency rope ladder.

London jumped forward first, managing to catch a high point on the ladder, as Kendrick managed to grab on near the bottom.

"Woohoo!" Kendrick yelled in excitement, as the helicopter got higher.

He held onto the ladder with one hand, using his other to make a fake gun. "Bang! Bang! Bang!" Kendrick yelled. "Hey Paul, check it out! It's like an escape seen from a movie or something! We're hanging off a helicopter on a rope ladder, and I'm shooting the bad guys!"

Paul laughed and rolled his eyes at his friend as Jackie helped pull him into the helicopter.

King Booker and Queen Sharmell screeched out of the parking lot with John Cena and Maria not far behind them.

Driving erratically, they reached the highway in no time, and it was then that Cena and Maria caught up to them.

"Oh this peasant wants to race the king, huh!" Booker shouted "You're on!"

With that, Booker slammed his foot down on the gas.

"What the…?" said Cena as he saw what the self-proclaimed King of Smackdown was doing. "Oh you want to race the Doctor of Thugonomics? You're on, punk!"

Then he too slammed his foot down on the gas, causing Maria to scream.

The high-speed race down the highway continued for a while, until Cena saw something that Booker didn't. John smiled and slowed his car down, while Booker continued speeding.

"Haha! No peasant can beat the king!" Booker shouted triumphantly.

It was then that he heard the sound. 'Woo-oo Woo-oo!'

He looked in the rear-view mirror, and sure enough, there was a cop car.

"Tell me I did not just see that."


	10. Do Cars Float?

Disclaimer - I own nothing.

A/N - Ok, I know the drawbridge thing in this one is a little far fetched, but hey, so's the entire story lol. :) Oh, and as we arrive at part 10 of this story, I'd just like to thank everyone who has reviewed so far, especially HuntersAngelJacky. You guys rock:)

Part 10 – John Cena " Do Cars Float?"

John Cena watched with a smile on his face as King Booker continued to speed down the highway, trying to get away from the police car that was chasing him.

He thought with a laugh that their high-speed race had quickly become a high-speed chase, only Cena wasn't a part of it.

Up ahead, John saw something else that made him curse.

They were above a body of water, and a drawbridge up ahead was being raised to let a boat through.

"Aw come on…" he said quietly.

"Wow… The street's moving John! All by itself! It must be alive!" Maria said in awe.

John laughed. "It's called a drawbridge babe. They're letting a boat through."

"Oh…" said Maria. "John, do cars float?"

John laughed again. "No Ria, I don't believe they do. Why?"

"Because Booker's car just went off the side…" She said, pointing out the window.

"What?" yelled Cena as he looked over to where she was pointing.

Maria began to repeat herself, but Cena wasn't listening

Sure enough, a section of the wall that kept cars from falling was knocked out, and there was no sign of Booker's car.

"Ah, jeez how are we gonna tell Vinnie Mac that the World Champ is dead?" John muttered.

"He's dead?" Maria exclaimed, looking like she was going to cry.

"Umm… No Maria I uh… said the wrong thing." Cena replied

"Oh ok good. I don't like dying."

Cena couldn't help but smile at this. "How do you know? Have you ever died before?"

Maria frowned. "Umm… Once I think, when I was six."

John laughed again "Oh yeah? What's it like?"

"Umm… it's bad." Said Maria.

John smiled at her, shaking his head slightly, but he was then distracted by something shooting by the car. Twice.

"What the…?" he said as he looked up ahead.

Way out in front of his car, (Which was stuck between two others due to the still rising draw-bridge) were two motorcycles. They were both shooting toward the drawbridge at high-speeds, one behind the other.

"Holy crap that's Jeff Hardy." Said John as he recognized the younger Hardy boy by his odd hair color. "And there's Jericho… and Lita… and that must be Matt…" (Matt was the only one wearing a helmet, so Cena couldn't see his hair or face)

"What the heck are they doin?" he shouted.

"There not gonna… HOLY FREAKIN CRAP!"

Cena and Maria could only watch as the two motorcycles (Jericho and Lita up front) attempted to use the still rising drawbridge as a ramp.

"FREAKIN PSYCHOPATHS!" Cena yelled as the two motorcycles flew over the drawbridge.

In response to this psychotic move by the insane wrestlers, the drawbridge was lowered back down instead of up so everyone could see if they were ok.

By the time the bridge was lowered enough to see, all that was there was what looked like the wrecked pieces of a motorcycle, and off into the distance a bit, what appeared to be men running, one with black hair, one with blue. Matt and Jeff.

"Well I guess they crashed" Cena muttered to himself.

"Jericho must have made it…" John said quietly as there was no sign of a blonde man or redheaded woman, "or fallen off the side…"

As he said this Maria's eyes got wide and she began to cry.

"You better be alright you friggin idiots…" Cena muttered, having practically forgotten about King Booker by now. "If only to make Maria happy."


	11. Merry Christmas

Disclaimer - As usual, I own nothing.

Part 11 – Everyone "Merry Christmas"

Remembering that he saw Jericho swipe Vince McMahon's phone before he and Lita had left the parking lot, John Cena pulled out his cell phone and dialed Vince's number.

Ring… Ring… "Hello, Vince McMahon speaking" Said the voice on the other side.

"Jericho, you're alright!"

"What? Who is this?"

"John Cena."

"Since when do you care if I'm alright, Cena?" was Jericho's reply, obviously admitting that it was Chris Jericho, despite the fact that he had originally stated that he was Vince McMahon.

"I don't. Maria does."

"Oh yeah, just how much does she care?"

John sighed. "Goodbye, moron…" he muttered the last part.

With that Cena hung up on the egotistic Canadian.

"They're ok." He told Maria.

"Yay!" Maria exclaimed. Then stating the obvious, she said, "I didn't want them to be dead."

Cena laughed. "Yeah I didn't want Lita to be dead either." He said, intentionally leaving Jericho out, although Maria didn't seem to notice.

So the two of them continued to wait for the stupid drawbridge, which was now all the way up, (it had begun rising again) to lower so that they could continue on their way.

Meanwhile, (on a completely different road) in the Hippie bus,

"Would you quick looking at the lady like that, you perverted little weasel!" Finlay was shouting at Coach, who kept glancing over his shoulder or in the mirror (He was driving) at Melina.

"What, I wasn't doing anything!" Coach defended.

"Tell it to the judge!" Finlay exclaimed.

Coach groaned and shook his head, but all the same, stopped glancing at Melina.

However coach wasn't the only one who was checking someone out.

Sylvan Grenier looked nervously at Billy, Chuck, and Rico, all of whom kept stealing glances at himself, Rob Conway, and Rene Dupree, and then bursting into fits of giggles.

"Umm… Rob…" Sylvan said as he tapped Conway on the shoulder. Both Rob Conway and Rene Dupree looked at him, so he hesitantly pointed at Billy, Chuck, and Rico.

As he saw what Sylvan was pointing at, Conway's face began to reflect one of sickness.

"What are you looking at?" Rene yelled, and Billy, Chuck, and Rico burst into another fit of giggles.

"What do you think, silly…" said Rico

"Aw, man I think I'm gonna be sick!" Sylvan exclaimed.

"Well stop it!" Rene yelled at the three odd wresters who kept looking at them, causing them to giggle again.

Rene let out a low growl of anger.

"Hey they said stop, so ya better do as they ask before I bash your stupid little faces in." Finlay said loudly, holding out his shillelagh.

That stopped the three um... more than weird wrestlers quick, so the journey was at least a little more comfortable afterward.

Chris Jericho and Lita sat at a small outside café that they had found, slowly eating their food and relaxing.

Being as they were the only ones who had made it across the drawbridge without wrecking their vehicle, they had time to rest.

"Hey Lita," Jericho said, remembering what day it was.

She looked up. "Yeah?"

"Merry Christmas."

She smiled, realizing that he was right; it was Christmas.

"Merry Christmas Chris." She said.

With that, they clinked their mugs full of hot chocolate together, and leaned back to enjoy what little time they had to relax, because they both knew that if they wanted to win, they would have to be back on the road soon.

The drawbridge wouldn't stay up forever.


	12. Being Watched

Disclaimer - I own nothing.

A/N - It might get slightly creepy in a couple of chapters after the next one (There will probably be zombies or something just 'cause I felt like it lol) but It won't be to bad, (nothing to scary and no graphicly violent scenes or anything) mostly still funny. Trust me :)

Part 12 – Everyone "Being watched"

It was nearing nighttime, and as the sun slowly disappeared beneath the horizon, Edge and Christian rolled slowly along.

"Dude, we are so totally the most awesomest team ever!" shouted Christian as he and Edge rolled along in their box. "We have got to be WAY ahead of everyone else!"

Edge rolled his eyes. "Dude, we're in a freakin box. Almost everyone else has something with an engine. We're not beating them."

"Aww… come on man. Don't be a spoilsport. Show some team spirit!"

Edge glared at his companion. "I'm not going to show any team spirit you idiot! I'm tired, I'm freezing cold, and we're probably miles behind everyone else!"

"Well we're never gonna win if you have that attitude."

Again Edge glared at Christian, but said nothing.

"Come on man! Do we have to run over everything!? It would have been faster just to go around that last car!" The Legend Killer Randy Orton shouted at his partner.

"Hey, I'm driving, and I'll do what I want you stupid little punk!" Steve Austin yelled back as he plowed through a parking lot to avoid a red light. (You would think he would have gone right through the light, but apparently, that's not how Steve Austin's mind works.)

"Get out of the way moron!!" Austin shouted at a completely empty car in front of them, before driving right over it.

Randy leaned back and sighed. Soon the cops would no doubt be after them.

This was going to be a long trip.

Rob Van Dam was still piloting the helicopter, but as Miss Jackie looked on, she thought something might be wrong with their course.

"Umm… Rob, I don't think we need to go over the ocean to reach Florida." She said as she looked down at the sea beneath them.

"Sure we do. It's a shortcut. Trust me." Was his reply.

"Alright…" Jackie said nervously, hoping Rob hadn't gotten drunk or high again.

However, her suspicions were realized when she saw the half-empty bag of Marijuana in his lap.

"Uh-oh" she whispered quietly to herself.

"IF YA SMELLLLLLL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIN!!!!!"

This is what the passengers of the vehicle that held the Rock had been enduring at random intervals, for the past few (probably closer to ten) hours.

"Will you please stop that…" Torrie Wilson moaned. "It's getting late and I'm tired."

The Rock raised an eyebrow. "Well listen here, missy! The Rock does what he wants, when he wants, to who he wants, and there aint nobody gonna stop him."

All of the members of the SUV (aside from Eugene) groaned.

"Come on man, don't make me chokeslam you through the windshield." Said Kane.

"Did you just threaten The Rock?"

"What?"

"You heard the Rock. Did you just threaten him? The Rock certainly hopes not, because if you did he'll have to make you listen to 70s music again."

"NO!!!" the whole vehicle (again, aside from Eugene) screamed simultaneously.

"The Rock didn't think so."

Eddie Guererro and Rey Mysterio were cruising down the road (in the middle of nowhere) with music blasting and the lowrider filled up with snacks that they had stopped to purchase.

"You can't trust me esse, 'cause I'm Latin!" Eddie sung along with the music.

"Hey Eddie," said Rey "Do you think we'll win?"

"Umm… probably not." Eddie responded.

Rey shrugged and laughed "Aw well, it's worth it for times like these."

"You said it holmes, you said it." Said Eddie as the vehicle drove off into the night.

Chris Jericho and Lita were back on the road, and had been for quite some time now.

However, they had one major problem that most others didn't have; they had no heater, therefore they were freezing cold.

"C-c-c-Chris? Maybe we should stop for the night. It's f-f-freezing!"

"Yeah, it's getting pretty cold, aint it?"

"G-getting pretty cold!?"

"Ok it is pretty cold. Tell ya what. You take my jacket and go to sleep if ya want, I'll keep going."

"C-c-Chris are you C-c-crazy!? You're gonna freeze!!"

"I know" was his reply. "That's exactly what I'm tryin for. You'll be warm enough to sleep, and I'll be cold enough not to fall asleep and get us killed."

Cold and tired, Lita argued no more, but simply thanked him and took the jacket, then proceeded to cover up and bury her face as best she could.

Jericho smirked knowing full well that he could stand the cold, and that doing this would earn him major points with her.

But it took Lita a long while to get to sleep. Despite the fact that she was dead tired, she couldn't shake the feeling that they were being watched…


	13. The Inconvenience Store

Disclaimer - I still own nothing.

Part 13 – Jericho "The Inconvenience store"

With Lita still sleeping on the back of their motorbike, (sort of using him as a pillow) Chris Jericho sped down the deserted road, hoping he would come to a convenience store very soon, as he was starving.

Luckily for him, it only took a few more minutes before he came to one, so he drove the motorcycle into the parking lot and stopped the engine.

However, as he was about to dismount the vehicle, he realized that doing so would cause Lita to fall forward and bash her head.

Now, being Chris Jericho, he normally wouldn't have cared, but he had grown to like her more than most other people. In fact, there were only a few other people that were as high as her on his mental friends list.

"Your lucky you're not a guy" He muttered as he got off, making sure to hold her up as he did so.

He was about to just prop her up and leave her there, but then he realized that despite the fact that the place was basically deserted, there were still a few shady characters standing around.

Although she could probably beat the crap out of most of them, (he laughed at the thought) he decided that leaving her there wouldn't be safe.

"Now you're lucky I'm strong enough to do this without much of a problem," he muttered as he hoisted her onto his shoulders in the position Cena puts people up for the FU (Laying across the shoulders) (Fireman's carry).

Some how he managed not to wake her, and strangely, she didn't even wake up when he yelled, "Ten feet away, assclown!" at a man who was slowly approaching them.

He entered the store, (getting strange looks from the man behind the counter for obvious reasons, I mean come on he's walking into a convience store in the middle of the night with a sleeping or knocked out woman, doesn't that just scream 'Kidnapper?' He luckily did not have much trouble carrying Lita though) gathered what he wanted, and started to walk out.

"Hey! You gotta pay for that!" The man yelled.

Chris groaned, but still walked over and muttered "Sorry," as the guy rang his stuff up.

"Is she ok?" the man asked, looking at Chris suspiciously.

"Yeah she's fine. Will you just hurry up?" Chris asked impatiently.

"Hold your horses, guy. I'm having a little trouble here." He replied, although he was still looking suspiciously from Chris to Lita. (It probably didn't help that Chris seemed to be in a rush)

"Would you like a map?"

Chris thought for a second. "Yeah I would."

"Alright then" he said as he handed Chris what he had offered, apparently either deciding that Lita was ok, or just not caring.

"Have a nice night."

"Yeah whatever" Chris replied as he started to exit, silently thinking that his night would have been much nicer if he hadn't had to pay for that crap.

However, leaving wasn't going to be that easy.

One of the guys from the parking lot (Wearing dark pants and a hooded jacket) ran in and pulled out a gun.

"EVERYBODY GET DOWN!"

In his head, Chris was just screaming "IDIOT!" After all, there were only two people awake in the store, and the guy was acting like it was crowded.

Chris wasn't in the mood for this.

He set Lita down, walked right up to the guy (Who was yelling at him to stay back the whole time), grabbed his wrist, and wrenched the gun out of his hand.

As the robber looked at him, obviously shocked, Chris pointed the gun at his shoulder and pulled the trigger.

Nothing happened.

"I knew it. You weren't even smart enough to load it, moron."

The man just stared at him for a second, then turned tail and ran.

"That was great! Is there anything I can do to repay you?" The man behind the counter asked loudly.

A thought came to Chris and he smiled slyly.

He turned around, loaded the gun, (Which had ammo just hadn't been cocked) and pointed it at the man. "Yeah. You can empty the register."

The man just stared for a second. "You have got to be kidding me."

A couple minutes later, Chris hurried out of the store with Lita back on his shoulders, a bag full of snacks, drinks, and gum in one hand, and a bag full of money in the other.

The man who had been approaching him before was now much closer as Chris set down Lita, then jumped on to the bike himself.

"I said ten feet punk, but now I want twenty!" Chris yelled as he started the engine.

There was no further interference from the strange man, just from the shopkeeper who ran out of the store yelling, "Stop that man! Stop that man! He robbed me!"

The few others in the parking lot all looked at the poor shopkeeper, then one of them tackled him and beat him up.

With that, they all ran into the store and began trashing the place, taking everything they wanted in the process.

Chris laughed as he began to drive out of the parking lot. "Bunch of thugs."

Lita had finally woken up, in time to see what was currently happening to the store.

"What the…? Chris what happened?"

"It's a long story Li," was his reply as they sped off into the night, "it's a long story."


	14. The Calm Before The Storm

Disclaimer - I still own nothing.

Part 14 – Everyone "The Calm Before the Storm"

The group that had been assigned to the hippie bus (Excluding Billy, Chuck, and Rico who had been tied up and dumped a ways back by Rob Conway, Rene Dupree, Sylvan Grenier, and Finlay) all sat around the fire they had made, roasting marshmallows (and a few other things).

"Kumbaya my lord, Kumbaya" Sang Ric Flair suddenly.

Surprisingly, everyone else, even Rene, soon joined in.

It was really a nice setting, sort of like a campout, (They even had tents that they had bought from a camping store) and soon, the singing stopped and Finlay began a ghost story while everyone else listened intently, occasionally glancing over their shoulders.

It really was like a scene from a storybook, only Melina felt more than scared. She just had that uncomfortable feeling, kind of like the one you get when you're being watched.

She told herself that it was nothing, just a really good story.

Little did she know, she had a reason to be terrified.

Chris Benoit drove through the night; He had to, as he and Lillian were the only ones in the vehicle sober and or sane enough to drive.

"KENNEDY!" Mr. Kennedy screamed.

Benoit groaned, Lillian sighed and looked out the window, Candice and Carlito let out drunken laughs, and Chris Masters high-fived the very odd wrestler while taking an enormous gulp of whatever he was drinking.

"Worst. Group. Ever." Benoit said slowly.

Lillian nodded.

What Benoit and Lillian didn't know was that they had a much bigger problem than a few drunken/strange anyway wrestlers.

Eddie Guererro and Rey Mysterio were still basically in the middle of nowhere, and still eating snacks.

"Hey Rey-Rey, can you get me a bag of Doritos?" Eddie asked.

"Sure," said Rey grabbing a bag and giving them to his friend.

"This is pretty cool, huh esse?" Eddie asked. "It's the middle of the night. We have no clue where we are and don't really care. We have snacks."

"Tell me about it, man. It's times like these that I wouldn't give for the world." Rey responded.

THUD!

"What the… What was that Eddie?"

"I dunno holmes. Maybe we ran over King Booker. Or Steve Austin. That would be nice, huh Rey-Rey?"

But Rey felt very uncomfortable, and had a right to, as something was currently slipping into the trunk.

Mick Foley and The Big Show walked down a desserted highway, Foley attempting to sing Britney Spears 'Toxic', while Big Show attempted to cover his ears.

Crack.

"What was that?" Big Show asked.

"What?"

"That crack. It came from the forest."

"Ehh, probably just a snake or something trying to get away from my horrible singing." Mick said goodheartedly.

Show laughed. "I can't argue with you there."

It wasn't a snake.

"IF YA SMMMMMEEELLLLLLL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIN!"

"Uhhh… Will you please stop? It's probably one in the morning." Groaned Torrie Wilson.

"I agree. Eugene needs to get to sleep!" Piped up William Regal.

"Oh Eugene needs to get to sleep does he?" Asked the Rock.

"Yes. He has a-" Regal started, but was cut off.

"IT DOESN'T MATTER IF HE NEEDS TO GET TO SLEEP!"

Everyone let soft out groans.

None of them new what lurked outside, though. If they had, they would have done more than groaned.


	15. Night of the Living Dead

Disclaimer - I own nothing, not even the title in this one. This one is not as funny as some of the others, but the next one will be :)

Part 15 - Everyone "Night of the Living Dead"

After and during the ghost stories, one by one, everyone from the hippie bus had gone to bed.

But a couple of them couldn't sleep.

Melina rolled over in the tent she shared with Kurt Angle and Finlay. She just couldn't get comfortable.

"Anyone else awake?" she asked.

"Yep." Came the voice of Finlay from over Kurt.

Silence for a few moments.

"What's keeping you up?" asked Melina

"Don't quite know. Something doesn't feel right."

"I know what ya mean. Ya think it's just the ghost stories?" she asked him.

"Nah." Said Finlay, propping himself up a little bit to see her over Kurt who was sleeping like the baby that he was. "It's something else."

A low moan came from outside the tent.

"What was that?" Melina nervously asked.

"Shhhh. Listen."

Again there was a moan, and then a shadow of what looked like a man was cast over the tent.

Then a scratching noise, and finally, a scream.

"AHHHH!!!!!! WHAT THE!!!?? WHAT ARE YOU!!!!???"

Finlay jumped up and unzipped the tent, and Melina screamed.

Standing there, maybe five feet from them, was the most hideous thing she had ever seen.

It was built like a man and looked like one too, but different all the same.

It wore tattered and old fashion looking clothes, and no shoes.

It stood in a very odd position.

Its skin was a very odd color and peeling.

But worst of all, and what made Melina scream was when it turned to face them.

The eyes.

The eyes were wide open. To wide. Dead eyes.

"What in the bloody…" Finlay said baffled.

On the other side of the campsite, not far away, Sylvan Grenier, Rene Dupree, and Rob Conway were attempting to fight off a few of the creatures.

Melina sat there, frozen in fear, until Finlay grabbed her and Kurt and pulled them to their feet.

"Come on!! Let's go!! Get to the bus!!" He yelled.

He practically dragged both of them past the zombie, all the way across the campsite, and to the bus, then told them to get in and get the engine started.

Shocked but still thinking, Melina followed his orders and started up the engine, using the keys that Coach had left in the ignition.

A stupid act on the Coaches part, but in this case it might have saved them.

Finlay quickly gathered all of the others, using his shillelagh to fight off the creatures (some of which had weapons) at the same time.

Everyone else jumped in to the bus, and Finlay slammed his foot down on the gas.

"What… Were those things?" asked Melina, still terrified.

"Well whatever they were we left them behind." Said Rene.

Or did they leave them behind?

Eddie and Rey continued driving and snacking, until they heard a noise, sort of like a scratching, from the trunk.

Rey gulped and looked back, just in time to see the creature come out.

"HOLY!!!" He yelled, causing Eddie to swerve.

"Whoa esse!! What was that all about?"

"Eddie." Said Rey. "Look behind us."

Eddie did. "Wow!! A real live zombie! I've always wanted to meet one! He exclaimed. "Want some chips, holms?"

The zombie just stared at him for a second, apparently dumbfounded, then began to lean forward.

As the creature's head came right between them, Rey gained enough courage to punch it.

It's head fell off, and the body collapsed.

"Aw man, Rey-Rey! What'd you go and do that for? Now I'll never get to have a conversation with a zombie!"

"Eddie- Aw, never mind" said Rey, giving up on his friend, as they continued driving.


	16. Dawn of the Dead

Disclaimer - I own nothing, not even the title in this one.

A/N - Hey people! Sorry it took a couple days for me to post this chapter, but I had a busy weekend. There were a couple questions in the reviews, so I'll answer them now.

Flowers-n-Ginger - you asked if there were going to be any romantic pairings? Well I haven't decided yet. If you want a certain couple or something, just tell me in a review and I'll see what I can do ;)

LCHime - You asked a couple of times about DX? Well I definetly want to give them a good part in the story, but with them being in a very small plane, I haven't been able to come up with anything yet. They should start having parts eventually, and I hope it will be pretty soon :)

Part 16 - Everyone "Dawn of the Dead"

Mick Foley and Big Show continued walking down the highway and hearing those odd cracks all the way.

They kept blowing it off, saying that it was nothing, but it became much harder to blow it all off when a real live, err dead, zombie walked out onto the pathway in front of them.

Mick's eyes were wide.

"WOW!!!" he exclaimed. "That's… That's… Awesome!"

Big Show however, was not as excited to see the living dead standing before them.

"ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FREAKING MIND!!!??" He roared.

"Yep," said Mick with a smile.

Big Show rolled his eyes, then stepped forward and attempted to chokeslam the creature, which would have worked better if its head hadn't broken off.

"AWW!!! NASTY!!!" Show yelled, wiping his hands on his pants as Foley laughed.

"IF YA SSSMMMMMMMEEELLLLLL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIN!!!"

There were just a couple of low moans.

Everyone had long since realized that there was no way to make the Rock do something he didn't want to do, or stop him from doing something that he did want to do.

"IF YA SSSMMMMMMMEEELLLLLL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIN!!!"

It wasn't the Rock this time.

"Eugene, do you really think copying the Rock is wise?" Asked Rock.

"IF YA SSSMMMMMMMEEELLLLLL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIN!!!" Eugene replied.

"IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YA SSSMMMMMMMEEELLLLLL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIN!!!" Rock screamed back.

"EXACTLY, SO WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP AND STOP YELLING THAT, YOU CRAZY SON OF A BITCH!!!!!!" Kane bellowed at Rock.

The Rock stopped the car and looked back at Kane.

"Care to repeat that? 'Cause the Rock would have no problem coming back there and sticking his foot up your candy ass," Rock said calmly.

Kane rolled his eyes, crossed his arms, and sat back.

"The Rock didn't think so."

Rock was about to resume driving, when something came up and began banging on the driver side window.

The Rock lowered the window.

"Just who in the blue hell do you think you are that you can just come banging on the Rock's window in the middle of the night!?"

The zombie standing there groaned.

"Oh yeah!!?? Well the Rock thinks you're stupid!

Groan.

"Would you stop that? Your breath smells worse than a horse's backside."

Groan.

"DID YOU JUST CALL THE ROCK UGLY!!!??"

Groan.

"OH YEAH!!? WELL THE ROCK THINKS YOU'RE UGLY!! IN FACT, HE EVEN THINKS YOUR MOMMA'S UGLY! HELL, HE EVEN THINKS YOUR WHOLE DAMN FAMILY IS UGLY!! IF YA SSSMMMMMMMEEELLLLLL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIN!!!"

Groan.

"GAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

With that, the Rock reached out his window and began to strangle the unfortunate zombie.

However, this didn't last long, because as the sun came up, the zombie began to sizzle and melt.

Soon there was nothing there but a pool of zombie guts outside the driver side window.

'That will teach you not to mess with the Rock!!" Rock yelled.

With that he stepped on the gas and sped off toward the still rising sun, with everyone else in the car completely baffled at what they had just witnessed.

Maybe the Rock's insanity wasn't all bad.


	17. Ditching Vince

Disclaimer - I own nothing.

A/N - For anyone who wants the race to continue, it will in a few chapters, this is just a little break :)

Part 17 – Everyone "Ditching Vince"

Vince McMahon was starting to get restless.

It had already been about a week, and still no one had made it to Shane and the finish of his insane race.

According to Shane, no one had even made it to Florida.

Surely someone should be there already; Triple H and Shawn Michaels had a freakin plane!

Deciding that he should at least find out how far along everyone was, he pulled out his NEW cell phone (Still mad at Jericho for stealing the old one) and began to dial.

Ten minutes later, Vince had called everyone who had a phone that he new of, and still got no answer.

"What is going on here!?" Vince yelled in frustration at no one in particular.

He was Vince McMahon, owner of world wrestling entertainment, and not only was there no wrestling going on, he had no clue where all of his top superstars were.

"Surely SOMEONE should have picked up their phone…" he muttered. "Where are they?"

Meanwhile…

"Hit me!" shouted John Cena.

"Alright, sir." The dealer replied as he gave John another card.

"Bust."

"Aw man!" John yelled. "Aw well… Lets go again!"

"John, what's a mar… marga… margarita?" Asked Maria as she approached him.

"I dunno. Why don't ya order one and find out?" He replied with a smile.

"They won't let me. They said I might not be old enough."

"What? You gotta be kiddin me!" He said, looking from her face to her chest.

"Nope, not kidding."

"Well just show them your I.D."

"I.D.?"

"Yeah you know, like a drivers license or something."

Then it occurred to him that she was probably the second least likely person on the planet to have a license, behind only Eugene.

"Alright let's go see if we can getcha a margarita, shall we?" He asked.

"Ok!" Said Maria excitedly.

Elsewhere, in the same casino…

"Hey man, I can't believe we actually ditched Vince to do what we want for once. This is great!" shouted Chris Masters over all the noise, although he was a little nervous about what they were doing.

"Yeah seriously. Carlito thinks this is very cool." Said Carlito as he put another coin into the slot machine he was sitting at.

"Do you think we'll get in trouble?" asked Masters.

"What kind of trouble? He can't fire all of us! Said Carlito. "Plus, Carlito doesn't even think he'd be able to FIND all of us." He added on.

"Good point." Chris replied. "He would have to go world wide to find all of us. I'm so glad we all decided to do this."

"Uh huh. It was not so cool tracking everyone down, though." Said Carlito.

"Yeah, but worth it in the long run. Like you said, if it were only a couple of us, he'd have our sorry butts kicked out of the company before you could say 'breach of contract', but he aint gonna fire all of us!"

"Exactly. As I also said, He'd have a heck of time even FINDING all of us. He'd be 150 years old before he tracked down Trips and Shawn alone! So stop worrying and have some fun!" Carlito exclaimed.

Masters nodded, no longer as nervous.

"MMMMIIIIIIIISSSSSSTTTTEEERRRRRRR KKKKEENNNEEDDDDYYYY!!" Was suddenly heard all throughout the casino.

Carlito and Masters looked over to see Kennedy posing for a picture with a couple of casino girls as coins rained out of the slot machine he had been sitting at.

Kennedy's machine had three 7s across the reel.

"Well I'll be darned." Said the man on the other side of Masters. "Lucky son of a gun."

Chris nodded, eyes wide.

"See, that could be us, so let's get playing!" shouted Carlito.

Masters nodded quickly and slid another coin into the slot machine.


	18. No, I'm the King of the World!

Disclaimer - I own nothing.

A/N - Again, I'm very sorry this took so long to update, I've just been busy :)

Oh and Flowers-N-Ginger, you listed some pretty good pairings, so I'll see if I can work some of those in. A couple of them shocked me though. I was surprised by Eugene/Torrie (for obvious reasons) and Brooke/Christy (Just because I didn't think anyone would want girl/girl), although they're both pretty good ideas :) I'll see what I can do.

Part 18 – King Booker " No, I'm the King of the World!"

King Booker stood up in his cell at a small Toronto police station.

"The King demands his phone call!" he screamed.

You're probably wondering how this happened. This is how it all went down.

After driving his car through the barricade and off of the bridge in Canada, Booker and his wife had thought it was the end.

Luckily for them however, Special Forces had arrived in record time to fish them out, and they escaped with no major injuries.

Unluckily for them, after they were medically cleared, the hospital had turned them over to the Toronto police department, who had promptly locked them up.

So that's how Booker ended up where he is.

Now, back to the present.

"Alright, alright, just shut your gaping pie hole, Ya friggin lunatic…" The guard replied as he took the self-proclaimed Smackdown king out of the cell and to the phone.

Booker already knew who he was going to call, so without a second thought he grabbed the phone and dialed Vince McMahon.

However, if you'll remember, Vinnie Mac was no longer the owner of his cell phone.

"Vince McMahon" A certain somebody on the other end answered.

"What the…? Since when do you sound like that, Vince?" Booker asked.

The person on the other end coughed. "I uhh… have a cold."

"Oh." Said Booker. "Well this is King Booker, The King of the World, and I need you to bail my wife and I out of jail."

"WHAT!!!!????? WHO YOU CALLIN KING OF THE WORLD, ASSCLOWN!!?? THERE'S ONLY ONE KING OF THE WORLD AND THAT'S ME!!!!!" The other screamed.

"What the…?" said Booker. "Jericho?"

The other voice coughed again. "Uh no sorry I uh… just swallowed wrong or something. This is Vince."

"Jericho, what in the HELL are you doin with Vince McMahon's cell phone?"

"Uhh… Nothing. So what was that about getting bailed out of jail?"

Booker rolled his eyes, but then shrugged.

"Yeah, my wife and I are stuck in a Toronto jail and we were just wondering if someone could maybe… GET US OUT OF HERE!?"

"Tch… What are you in for?" Jericho asked.

"Well we were racing that punk John Cena down the highway, and then the cops started chasing us, so we drove off a bridge, got saved, and then got thrown in jail. So I'm guessing that we're in for speeding, resisting arrest, damage to federal property, and maybe disturbing the peace." Booker told him.

"Damn dude." Jericho replied.

"Yeah. So can you come bail us out? Smackdown is nothing without its king!"

"I don't know. That would cost a lot of money with all the crap you're in for… And I don't know if I want to head all the way back to Canada…"

"Aww… Come on dawg! The King really needs your help!"

"Beg"

"What?"

"You heard me, beg."

Booker sighed. "Ok… I beg you to come bail me out."

"Good. Now say I'm the King of the World."

"But…"

"SAY IT!!!"

"Ok, ok, dawg. You're the King of the World." Booker said, desperate to get out.

"Ok now admit your gay."

"What!!? I'm not gay! I'm married!"

"Admit it…"

Booker sighed. "Fine. I'm gay. There, now will you come get me?"

"Psshhh! Yeah right dude! I aint lettin' a gay guy in my car!" Jericho yelled before hanging up.

"What? NO!!! JERICHO!!! YOU SON OF A-!!!"

"Alright sir, that's enough." Said the guard as he grabbed Booker and dragged him back to his cell.

"Stupid Chris Jericho…" Booker muttered as he rejoined his wife.


	19. Bailing Out Booker

Disclaimer - I own nothing

A/N - Well, since I did take so much time to update, I decided to add this one as well as part 18 as a way of saying sorry lol :)

seymourspain - Yeah I know they haven't had a part. I just didn't have anything for some of the people, so that's why they haven't really done anything. I'm going to try really hard to get them in there soon though, so don't worry, they should be in a chapter pretty soon.

Part 19 – Chris Jericho "Bailing Out Booker"

Chris Jericho smirked.

It had been a few hours since he had oh-so-rudely hung up on the self-proclaimed king of Smackdown.

But the funny part was that when he had received the call, he was in Toronto along with a few friends and only about five minutes away from the police station that held King Booker.

Up until this very moment, he had just been blowing time, torturing poor, poor Booker.

Now, a few hours later, he and Randy Orton stood outside the station.

"Time to get the 'King'" He muttered as they entered.

It was a very small building.

Northeast from there current position was a desk covered in papers and with a guard sitting behind it, and directly in front of them and past the desk was a small cell containing Booker and Sharmell.

Sharmell looked up. "My King, my King, look!" she shouted. "Some peasants have come to rescue us!"

Booker's head shot up. "Jericho!"

"What?" Jericho answered rudely.

"You actually came! My peasants are loyal after all!"

"Hey assclown, I aint no peasant, and I sure as hell aint loyal to you!" Jericho yelled.

"Then why have you come to rescue your king?"

Jericho rolled his eyes, but still walked over to the desk, not bothering to answer Booker.

"I came for the king of the assclowns." He told the guard.

"Oh, thank the lord! You would not believe how annoying this guy is!" The guard announced.

"Yeah, yeah I know, just give us the idiot so we can get out of here, will ya?"

"Gladly. After you've paid the bail bond and you can take him."

"Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. You expect me to PAY my own money to get HIM out!?" Jericho yelled at the man.

"Well, yes. There is always a fee when you bail someone out." The guard replied hesitantly.

"Bullcrap." Randy chimed in.

The guard just looked at him with a strange, almost scared, look on his face

Jericho smiled. "Well alright then, I'll just leave him. But I only think it's fair for you to know that there is no one else who would even THINK of coming get him, so you'll have to deal with him for a LONG, long time…"

The guard gulped, and looked around himself as Jericho and Randy began to leave.

"Alright fine!" he yelled just as they were about to exit. "You can have him for free."

Chris and Randy turned.

"Now your learning" said Jericho. "But, see, we were thinking something else." He said with a smirk at Randy.

The guard gulped again.

Ten minutes later –

Chris Jericho, Randy Orton, Queen Sharmell, and King Booker all exited the police station, Chris holding a wad of cash.

"Dawg, I can't believe that stupid guard actually paid you to get us out of there…" Said Booker as Jericho counted the money.

"Yeah, well you are pretty freakin' annoying." Jericho said.

Booker just groaned as he, his wife, and Randy got into Jericho's rental car.

Chris was in the driver's seat, but didn't start the car.

"Yo, what's the hold up, peasant?" Asked Booker.

Jericho and Randy just smiled, and then Jericho pulled something out of his pocket.

He held up a pair of handcuffs.

Randy locked the doors.

"Sir, you are under arrest, any thing you say can and will be used against you." Jericho said with an evil smile.

"Wh… what?" Booker said in disbelief.

"Shut up you low life piece of crap!" Randy yelled, sounding an awful lot like some kind of marine drill sergeant, as Chris continued to smile evilly.

Booker just continued to stare at them for a while, but finally, spoke up.

"Tell me this isn't happening."


	20. When Hell Freezes Over

Disclaimer - I own nothing

A/N - Just a bit of Lita/Jericho in this one, requested by Flowers-N-Ginger :)

Also I would like to thank BubblyShell22 for her review, saying that type of thing (You are an awesome writer) can really make a writer feel good about themselves :)

buffvamp - lol your very welcome :)

Oh and just a little warning, the language is a little worse than usual, just one word though. I couldn't find any other word that fit that part as well. I'll probably post a warning like this whenever that word (or excessive other bad ones) are used though :)

And another warning, major Booker and Sharmell bashing in this one, literally. Lol :)

Part 20 – Lita & Jericho "When Hell Freezes Over"

Lita walked up to the enormous gates of a cemetery in Winnipeg, Manitoba Canada.

Chris Jericho's hometown.

She didn't know why she was here, he had just called saying someone he knew had died and asked if she would come to the funeral to help 'support' him.

The really weird thing was that that wasn't even the strangest part.

During his phone call, (which should definitely have been sorrowful if someone he knew had died) he had sounded an awful lot like he was trying TO cry, and trying NOT to laugh.

Why would he be laughing if a friend had died?

That was freaking messed up.

Well, he was a pretty fucked up dude, she told herself.

As she approached the enormous gate, she could see two figures ahead of her, also heading toward the cemetery and carrying something large and heavy looking between them.

Inside the cemetery a whole group of people were gathered, seemingly waiting for something, probably the funeral.

As Lita approached the two people up ahead, she quickly recognized them.

A tall man with short brown hair and a shorter man with shoulder length blonde hair.

Randy Orton and Chris Jericho looked over as she approached, and Chris exclaimed, "Lita! Glad you could make it!"

"Yeah, yeah. If this is a funeral, then why are you so cheery?" She asked him.

Jericho and Orton exchanged a glance, and shifted the weight of the object they had over their shoulders, which Lita could now clearly see was a coffin.

"Who died?" she asked.

Again they exchanged a glance, and then Randy spoke up.

"King Booger and his wife."

"Booker's dead?" she asked. "Wait a minute. Why would I care?"

It was then that a muffled voice came from the coffin.

"We're not dead you punks!!"

"She didn't have to know that, assclown!" Jericho said as Lita looked on in shock.

"Looks like somebody needs his nap" said Randy as he pulled a metal pipe from his pocket.

He and Jericho then proceeded to set the coffin down, and Randy opened it to reveal the King himself and his wife, both cramped in there.

As Lita looked on, not fully understanding what was going on here, Randy whacked them both in the head with the pipe, then shut the lid.

"What in the HELL are you two doing!?" She yelled.

"Hey, hey, keep it down, keep it down. We're just getting rid of 'The King'." Said Jericho with a smirk as he hoisted the coffin back up on his shoulders

Lita shook her head.

How old were they again? Because this certainly was not normal behavior for two fully grown mature men, well unless they were deranged killers, and Jericho and Orton certainly were not.

Then again, these were probably two of the least mature men she had ever met, so Lita supposed it was almost normal.

The two men then led the way into the enormous cemetery, and set the coffin down by an open grave as the priest began to give a speech.

Lita sat on the far left, desperately trying not to break out into giggles in the middle of the ceremony.

After what seemed like an eternity, the priest finally finished his stupid speech and Jericho and Orton began to slowly lower the coffin into the grave, attempting to bury the self-proclaimed Smackdown king alive.

However, Lita, who had gone up to the side of the grave to watch, saw that the coffin was beginning to wiggle, and then Booker and Sharmell began to slip out silently, (Booker still wearing the handcuffs) as if they were being sneaky.

"Aw, crap." Jericho said quickly.

But Lita thought fast.

With every intention of helping them get rid of Booker, Lita quickly spun around and pulled her shirt up (she wasn't wearina a bra), stunning the crowd long enough for Randy to re-conk King Booker.

However, as Booker fell back into the coffin, the lid fell too, meaning Sharmell was still out.

Working quickly as the crowd still stared in awe and confusion at Lita's bare chest, Randy smacked the queen with the pipe and Jericho hid her behind Booker's enormous tombstone.

Seeing that everything was finished, Lita lowered her shirt and acted as though nothing had ever happened.

Apparently, that's what everyone else thought as well, (meaning they didn't notice what Jericho and Orton did, of course they noticed Lita) because most of them began helping cover the coffin with dirt.

Lita walked over to the side of everything with a small smirk plastered on her face.

Randy and Chris soon approached her, and Jericho immediately got down on one knee and held out a beautiful diamond ring. (Which he had taken from Sharmell)

"Marry me."

Randy cracked up, and Lita just stood there looking at him and shaking her head.

She guessed that he was 'proposing' because of one of two things.

Either because she had saved 'Operation Bury Booker Alive' from certain failure, or because she had just flashed an entire crowd at a funeral.

"When hell freezes over Jericho, When hell freezes over." She said as she began to head for the gate, which was the entrance and exit.

A few minutes later -

"Dude, what is wrong with you?" Randy asked as he and Jericho walked over and grabbed up Sharmell, as everyone else had already left.

"Oh, plenty of things my friend, plenty of things." Said Jericho with a sly smile as Randy slung the 'widow' over his shoulder.

They laughed as they exited the cemetery, although Jericho quietly muttered, "Note to self: Freeze Hell."


	21. GET BACK ON THE ROAD!

Disclaimer - I own nothing, certainly not Wal-Mart (Which has a minor part in this one lol) and I don't even know if 8563 East Emerald Street is a real address.

A/N - Yes I know that in this one, Jericho says 'racist' in a place where that is not the correct word, I just thought I'd have him say that :)

Unpredictable Mind - Thanks for all the great reviews!

Part 21 – Chris Jericho, Randy Orton, & Lita "GET BACK ON THE ROAD!"

Chris Jericho and Randy Orton had long since finished with King Booker and Sharmell, (Burying Booker alive and dumping Sharmell somewhere in Alabama) and had actually gotten pretty bored.

Now, as they had nothing better to do, they simply sat in Jericho's hotel room and used their cell phones (actually, they mostly used Vince's) to make prank phone calls on random people as well as other wrestlers.

Randy watched now as Jericho dialed the number of a company that divorced people.

"Um, yes, I would like to divorce my hamster." Jericho managed to say without laughing.

The voice on the other end spoke, but Randy couldn't hear the words, and even if the phone was loud enough, he was to busy laughing quietly.

They really did not act their age.

"No this is not a joke! Our relationship just wasn't working! She won't give me the space that I need, and she always wants to cuddle!"

By now, Randy was cracking up.

Again, the other voice spoke.

"What? You racist son of a bitch! You can't discriminate against me just because I'm different! I don't have to stand for this! I'm coming down there to talk to the manager and get your stupid ass fired, Mr. Jackson!"

With that, Jericho hung up the phone and both he and Randy exploded in laughter.

"That was great, man!" Randy yelled as he gave Chris a high-five.

"I can't believe I didn't laugh!" Jericho replied as Randy picked up the phone and began to dial.

"Who ya calling?" Jericho asked him.

"Wal-Mart" Randy replied as he sent the call.

A voice on the other end gave the greeting, and Randy began to speak.

"Yes, I would like to order ten strippers."

Jericho laughed, and the other voice spoke.

"What do you mean you don't have strippers?! I've seen them dancing in there all the time!"

Again, the other voice spoke.

"No I don't have you confused with another number! You know what, screw you!"

Randy hung up, and again the two began laughing.

It was then that the door flew open.

"What the hell are you two doing in here? You sound like a couple of school girls playing truth or dare!"

Lita walked in, clearly ticked off.

Her room was very close to Jericho's (the one they were in) and apparently all the noise had disturbed her or something.

"We're making prank phone calls," Orton told her with a laugh "You should join in!"

Lita rolled her eyes.

"Aw… Come on, it's fun!" Exclaimed Jericho. "Here, watch."

With that he picked up the phone and phone book and dialed another number.

He then put the phone on speakerphone so she could hear. (It hadn't been on speakerphone before because they were afraid that the other would laugh and give them away.)

"Alright guys be quiet," Jericho said as he sent the call.

"Hello?" It was a man's voice.

"Hello Mr. Fisher. Is your wife there?" Jericho asked in a creepy voice, silently hoping that he would say no. (Jericho knew he was married because it said so in the phone book)

"No, she's not. May I ask who's calling?"

"Yes, you may, but you won't get an answer."

"What? But how am I supposed to tell her you called if I don't know who you are?"

"Your not supposed to you idiot! She's here with me."

"WHAT!?"

"Oh don't worry, she's not cheating on you or anything, here, I'll let you talk to her."

Jericho made hand signals at Lita and mouthed, "kidnapping."

Lita shook her head and rolled her eyes again, but still played along.

"Hi," she said, trying to sound scared.

"Honey, is that you? Where are you? What happened?"

"They've kidnapped me and -"

Jericho cut her off.

"That's enough little missy." He said. "If you ever want to see your wife again, you'll bring one-hundred fifty-thousand dollars to the warehouse on 8563 East Emerald Street in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada by tomorrow night. Bye-Bye now!"

"Wait -" The other started but Chris hung up.

"That was great!" Randy yelled. "Now he'll come all the way to Canada for no reason! Where's the guy live, anyway?"

"Colorado" Jericho said with a laugh.

Randy cracked up, but Lita didn't look so happy.

"I shouldn't have helped you guys. We can get in serious trouble for something like this, you know."

"Of course I know!" Jericho exclaimed. "That's why I used Vinnie Mac's cell phone, and the dude can't catch us by getting the cops to wait and trace the next call, 'cause I aint gonna call back!"

"I still don't like it." Said Lita.

"Hey, relax!" Said Randy. "We're gonna head out tomorrow anyway! If we have to, we can just ditch the phone or something."

It really was a horrible thing to do, but neither of the guys seemed to care.

To tell the truth, Lita didn't really care either, she just didn't want to get arrested.

It was then that Jericho's (Not the one he had stolen from Vince, but the one that actually belonged to him.) phone started ringing.

Without even thinking to check who it was, He simply picked it up, pressed the button, and said, "Hello?"

"JERICHO!! I'LL KILL YOU!!!!!" The other voice screamed.

It was then that Chris realized that he should have checked who it was, because the voice on the other end belonged to Vince McMahon.

"Uh-oh," Jericho said quietly.

"JUST WHO IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? DITCHING ME LIKE THAT!! NO ONE DISOBEYS VINCE MCMAHON!!!"

"Well, apparently they do, and besides, D-X does it all the time" Jericho responded. "Hey, do you want your phone back?"

Randy smiled, and even Lita had to smile a bit.

That would be the perfect way to get rid of the evidence, and Vince might get arrested, too.

"DAMN STRAIGHT I WANT MY PHONE BACK, AND I ALSO WANT ALL OF YOU IDIOTS TO GET BACK ON THE ROAD!!!! I OFFERED A PRIZE TO THE WINNER, AND THIS IS WHAT I GET? I COULD HAVE JUST TOLD YOU ALL TO DO IT OR YOUR FIRED AND THE WINNER DOESN'T EVEN GET A PRIZE!! BUT DID I!?"

"No," Jericho answered calmly "But if you had said that, I'm sure everyone would have done worse than ditch you."

Vince was trying to calm himself.

"Alright Jericho, tell you what. Call up everyone who was part of that race and get them to get back on the road, and maybe I'll forget this ever happend." Vince said, desperate to at least FIND his superstars.

"What if they don't want to listen to a crazy old man who should be a mental home?"

"You had better be talking about yourself, Jericho." Vince replied in a very angry tone.

"Yeah, Yeah sure that's what I meant." Jericho said, rolling his eyes.

"So what if they refuse?" Chris asked again, this time without insulting his boss.

"THEN I'LL FIRE ALL YOUR ASSES AND BUY OUT TNA TO REPLACE YOU!!" Vince screamed.

"Ok, Ok, I'll get them all back on the road." Jericho replied.

"You better." Said Vince. "And everyone better get back into their groups as well."

"Fine. Everyone will be back on the road and in their groups by tomorrow, Alright?"

"You're all just lucky I don't automatically fire you for this," said Vince.

"Whatever," Said Jericho.

"Everyone better be back on the road tomorrow," Vince said warningly.

"Ok I got it already. Everyone will be back on the road by tomorrow, but I don't know where most of them are, so depending on their location, their chances of winning might be ruined. Oh and Booker, Sharmell, Billy, Chuck, and Rico got um... lost, so they might not be able to continue" Jericho replied all in one breath, already annoyed with this conversation.

"Wait, what? Ah never mind, I don't even want to know" Vince said, refering to the Booker/Sharmell/Billy/Chuck/Rico situation. "The others better hurry though, if they want to win."

"Alright I need to start calling people," Jericho told him.

"Good." Said Vince. "And give me back my phone next time you see me."

With that, they both hung up, and Jericho explained what was going on to Randy and Lita, and then began calling people.

As much as he enjoyed disobeying Vince and driving him completely insane, Chris wanted to keep his job.


	22. Bus Ride

Disclaimer – I own nothing

A/N – Well, I'm really sorry it took so long to update, but there is good news. Finally, the much wanted and long overdue return of D-Generation X!

BubblyShell22 - Yeah I really liked the hamster call too. I got the idea because my friend actually made a call like that and I almost died laughing :)

Chris727 - Thanks for telling me what you liked, that's really helpful. Oh and thanks for saying it was your favorite story, that was pretty cool :)

TXreaper - I'm glad you like it so much :)

Unpredictable Mind - Thanks again for another great review!

Part 22 – Everyone "Bus Ride"

Despite the fact that Jericho didn't want to get fired, there was a part of him that couldn't help but piss off Vince McMahon, so he planned to followed Vince's orders, just not in the way Vince had intended.

Rather than calling everyone up and telling them to get back on the road, Chris had called them and told them to meet up with him back in Canada, telling them that Vince wanted them to continue the race, and that he had a way to follow the old man's orders so they would get in no further trouble, but could piss him off at the same time.

When they answered their phones, everyone quickly agreed with Jericho (yes, even Stephanie), but some were pretty hard to get a hold of in the first place.

A great example of this were D-Generation X, who had been lying on a beach in Australia.

However, Jericho still managed to get a hold of everyone eventually, and they were all on their way.

In the mean time Chris, Randy, and Lita searched until they found a place where they could rent a bus.

They couldn't wait to see the look on Vince McMahon's face when they ALL won his stupid race.

After getting the bus, the three just hung out and blew time until everyone had arrived, which took a while.

Finally, all of the wrestlers were there, and Jericho fully explained his plan to them.

Everyone seemed to agree, as most were still angry with Vince for several reasons: 1. He was constantly yelling at them. 2. He had locked them in the arena. 3. He had forced them to go on a stupid road-trip-race.

And so, they all began to pile into the bus, Mick Foley in the drivers seat.

The bus was designed sort of like an enormous van. There were driver and passenger seats up front, and then there were a twenty rows, each comfortably seating three people with the isle on the right side. The exception was the back row, which could hold four, since room was not needed to go any further down the isle.

Triple H and Shawn Michaels plopped down in the two open seats beside Stephanie McMahon, who appeared to be giving them both the cold shoulder.

"Hey baby, I haven't seen ya for a while. How's it goin?" Triple H asked his wife.

"HOW'S IT GOIN? HOW'S IT GOIN!!? HOW DO YOU THINK IT'S GOIN YOU LOUSY BASTARD!!!!?" Stephanie shrieked.

"Honey I-" The Game started, but was cut off.

"YOU STOLE MY FREAKIN PLANE, AND THEN WENT TO AUSTRALIA WITHOUT ME!" Stephanie screamed.

"But Steph, I got pictures!" Hunter tried, holding up his digital camera, which displayed a picture of Shawn delivering some Sweet Chin Music to a kangaroo.

"I DON'T FREAKIN CARE!!!! YOU SHOULD HAVE PICKED ME UP!! ACTUALLY, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE STOLEN MY PLANE IN THE FIRST PLACE!! Stephanie replied, still yelling.

Knowing he wasn't getting anywhere with her, Triple H just shrugged, got his PSP out of his bag, and began to play it.

And so the bus ride from Canada to Florida began.

Here is where everyone was sitting, from left to right (window seat to isle seat) in the rows –

Drivers seat – Mick Foley

Passengers seat – Undertaker

First row – Christy Hemme, Maria, Brooke Hogan

Second row – JBL, Michael Cole, Tazz

Third row – JR, Jerry 'The King' Lawler, Joey Styles

Fourth row – Khali, Daivari, Mark Henry

Fifth row – Paul London, Brian Kendrick, Big Show

Sixth row – Stephanie McMahon, Triple H, Shawn Michaels

Seventh row –Jeff Hardy, Matt Hardy, Candice Michelle

Eighth row – Lillian Garcia, Chris Benoit, Stone Cold Steve Austin

Ninth row – Rene Dupree, Sylvan Grenier, Rob Conway

Tenth row – Empty

Eleventh row – Coach, The Rock, Kane

Twelfth row – Ric Flair, Finlay, Bobby Lashley

Thirteenth row – Hulk Hogan, Trish Stratus, Batista

Fourteenth row – Edge, Christian, John Cena

Fifteenth row – Empty

Sixteenth row – William Regal, Torrie Wilson, Eugene

Seventeenth row – Carlito, Chris Masters, Mr. Kennedy

Eighteenth row – Kurt Angle, Melina

Nineteenth row – Rey Mysterio, Eddie Guerrero, Miss Jackie

Final row – Rob Van Dam, Chris Jericho, Lita, Randy Orton


	23. You Wanna Make 100 Bucks?

Disclaimer – As always, I own nothing 

A/N – Ah man I took forever to update this! Sorry about that, but with Thanksgiving and all I kinda just got distracted :) Alright, for this one, lets just pretend Chris Masters didn't get busted for steroids. He says he's bigger than Triple H in this one, and well, you get the point :)

Part 23 - Everyone "You Wanna Make 100 Bucks?"

They had already been on the road for an hour or two, and Stephanie McMahon was still refusing to talk to her husband, Triple H.

Desperate to get back on good terms with his wife, The Game was trying to think of a way to repay her.

An idea popped into his head, and he climbed over Shawn Michaels and began walking down the isle toward the back of the bus.

He would need a guinea pig or two for his plan to work, and he could think of a few people who would be more than willing to do it, for the right price.

He needed someone big and strong though, and with a smile he realized the ideal choice.

However, Hunter's thinking was interrupted when someone yelled at him.

"Hey! You know it aint to smart to be walking around while were still moving, don't ya?" Mick Foley shouted from the driver's seat.

"Yeah. See, the problem is I just don't care." Triple H yelled back.

Foley shrugged. "Just don't walk around to much, especially not in the middle of the night."

"It's still midday!" Hunter shouted at Foley.

"I know. Just don't walk around in the middle of the night." Foley said with his gap-toothed grin.

"Yeah whatever," said Triple H, not really caring.

However, in the back of the bus, Jericho and Orton had devious smiles on their faces after Mick spoke these words.

Lord only knows what these two may or may not have been planning.

Anyway, Hunter continued down the isle until he came to the seventeenth row, where he stopped and said, "Hey Masters."

"Yeah?" The Masterpiece responded from his seat.

"You wanna make a hundred bucks?"

"Yeah, what do I got to do?" Masters asked, as Carlito and Kennedy watched, obviously interested.

"Well, see, Steph's all pissed off at me for some reason, so I need you to go flirt with her so I can kick your ass."

"What!?" Masters asked, bewildered.

"You have to go over there and come on to her, and I really mean come on to her, and then I'll come over there and pretend to beat you up so that she'll think I 'saved' her. Got it?"

"Ok." Masters said.

That was one of the things Triple H liked about this guy. He just didn't seem to give a rat's ass no matter how stupid he looked.

"Alright cool. Thanks man." Hunter said, then he handed Masters a one hundred dollar bill.

"Yeah no problem," said Masters, pocketing the money and getting up.

Triple watched as The Masterpiece walked up to the sixth row, climbed over Shawn (Who looked at him funny), sat down right next to Stephanie, and put an arm around her.

Damn. Masters sure could get the job done.

Hunter wondered what Chris was saying, but waited until Stephanie slapped him across the face to make his move.

Making sure to get rid of the satisfied smile on his face before heading up there, The Game ran up to the sixth row and shouted, "Hey man, what the hell do you think your doing!?"

Masters really played well.

"Pssh. You suck Hunter. She said she's leaving you for me."

"I am not!" Stephanie shrieked.

Hunter almost smiled at how good Masters acting was.

"What!? Bullshit Masters!" The Game yelled.

"Yep. It's true. I'm bigger than you, stronger than you, better looking than you, and, well, just plain _better _than you." Masters replied, adding extra venom to the word 'better'.

Masters was doing a great job, but Hunter began to worry that Shawn might ruin the plan by actually trying to hurt The Masterpiece, because HBK was looking at Chris with an odd look on his face.

Hunter decided not to draw it on any longer, so Shawn wouldn't attack.

"What!?" He repeated. "Come here you little punk!"

He knew calling Masters little was ridiculous, but it made Hunter sound stronger.

With that, Triple H grabbed Masters, yanked him over Shawn, and proceeded to 'fake' beat the crap out of him, ending with a Pedigree, which he applied no real force to.

The Masterpiece still went down though, as if he were hurt, and Stephanie glared at him for a minute, then smiled at The Game.

"Thanks Hunter! You wouldn't believe some of the things that bastard was saying to me!" Steph said.

Triple H smiled. "You don't even have to thank me, babe. I aint just gonna let some punk mess with my wife."

Stephanie smiled and leaned her head on his shoulder when he sat down, while Shawn continued to sit there in confusion.

HBK knew full well that Hunter and The Masterpiece were friends, so he couldn't figure out why the hell Masters would be stupid enough to do that.

Hunter rested his head on Stephanie's, which was still on his shoulder, and smiled, but just as he was thinking he was out of the water and the plan had worked perfectly, he found out he had overlooked one thing.

Everything went out the window with five words.

"Can I get up now?" Masters asked from where he was still lying on the floor.

So much for all the great acting.

"What the…" Stephanie said. "No way he could get up that fast… HUNTER!!! YOU BETTER NOT HAVE TOLD HIM TO DO THAT SO YOU COULD BEAT HIM UP AND I WOULDN'T BE ANGRY WITH YOU ANYMORE!!!!!!!!" She shouted, hitting the nail right on the head.

"Umm… I didn't?" The Game tried, but the plan was far beyond saving now.

Stephanie looked about ready to kill him, so Hunter just took his chance and got away.

Again climbing over Shawn, he decided to have some more fun until Stephanie cooled down a little bit, so he headed back three rows to the ninth, where all three former La-Resistance members were located.

"Hey Sylvan, you wanna make a hundred bucks?"

Meanwhile…

Coach, The Rock, and Kane were having problems, to say the least, with their seating arrangements.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!! NO ONE TALKS ABOUT THE ROCK'S MAMA LIKE THAT!! I'LL KILL YOU!!!!!!!" The Rock screamed at Coach as Kane attempted to hold him back.

"Oh yeah, well I'm the Coach and I'll say what I want, you lousy mama's boy!"

"Kane, would you please let The Rock go for a moment? He just needs to stick his foot up Coaches candy ass." Rock said.

"No, because then you'll just go psycho and kill him and then we'll all get fired and or arrested." Kane replied.

"Kane, The Rock is going to ask you nicely one more time, and then he'll have layeth the smacketh down on you, too. Will you please let The Rock go?"

"No." Kane replied, "Not unless you're on that side of me." He said, pointing to the isle.

"Fine," Rock replied. "But the Rock _will_ get you later Coach. And when he catches you, he'll shove his foot and anything else nearby so far up your ass it'll stick out your mouth!"

"And don't sit in front of us either." Kane said, before pulling The Rock into the isle and letting him go.

Rock reluctantly walked back to the empty fifteenth row and sat down in the window seat.

Three rows behind The Rock, Kurt Angle and Melina were having a conversation about Pokemon, one of Angle's favorite subjects.

"Yeah, Pikachu's pretty cool, but I think I still like Charizard best," Angle said.

Melina smiled at him and giggled. "That's the fire-dragon-thingy, right?"

"Yeah." Kurt said happily. "Here, I'll show you my collection!" He said, getting a binder out of his luggage.

Melina just smiled again, but actually enjoyed seeing all of the different creatures and picking out favorites with Kurt.

Right behind them, Eddie Guerrero and Rey Mysterio were having a conversation about one of their favorite subjects – food.

"Yeah, those are great, but Tijuana's burritos are the best." Rey said.

"Definitely." Eddie replied, and Jackie just giggled.

"What?" Eddie asked. "You ever tasted Mexico's best?"

"Can't say I have." Jackie replied, still smiling.

"Well Rey-Rey, we have a new mission." Said Eddie.

"Oh yeah? What's that?" Rey asked.

"Get this mamacita a Tijuana burrito."

Rey and Jackie just laughed.

Behind them, in the final row, Rob Van Dam, Chris Jericho, Lita, and Randy Orton were all playing the same car game online on PSP (Playstation Portable, for anyone who doesn't know video games very well).

Jericho and Randy both had packed theirs in their luggage, and Rob for some reason (he was pretty strange) had brought five along with a backup copy of each of his games, so Lita was using one.

To the guys' dismay, Lita was wiping the floor with them.

"Aw… Come on girl!" Randy shouted, "Do you always gotta run me off the freakin' road!?"

Jericho, Rob, and Lita all laughed, and Lita said, "Yep Randy, I sure do."

Jericho took this moment to attempt to crash Lita, but ended up running into a street lamp in the process and blowing his own car to bits.

"Damnit." he said with a laugh.

"That's whatcha get for trying to attack a lady, Chris." Lita said, smiling.

"You're just about the farthest thing from a lady I've ever met!" Randy interjected. "In fact, I think it's safe to say that Rob here is more of a lady than you!"

But Rob just smiled, having won the race while the others were talking.

"Aw you punk." Jericho said, looking at his PSP screen and realizing what Rob had done.

The four laughed, but then saw something that made them laughed until they cried.

Sylvan Grenier walked right up to Mark Henry near the front of the bus, got down on one knee, held out his hand which had something in it, and in a voice so loud the whole bus could here him, said, "Mark Henry, will you marry me?"

The entire bus burst out laughing, and Mark responded by picking up Sylvan and hurling him all the way down the isle.

Amidst all the madness, in the sixth row, Triple H could be seen high-fiving Shawn Michaels and heard saying, "Totally worth the money, man, totally worth it."


	24. WHAT?

Disclaimer – I still own nothing.

A/N – Well, thanks again everybody for all the great reviews! Another language warning for this one, because the wrestlers are all tired and pissed off lol. :) And again, sorry it took so long. Merry Christmas!

Part 24 - Everyone "WHAT!?"

Days had passed since Sylvan's proposal, but Stephanie McMahon still would not talk to her husband, Triple H.

He had given up trying to get her to speak to him the day before, as he realized it was useless, he would just have to let it blow over.

Now, he sat in his seat between his angry wife and best friend, tired and cranky like almost all the rest of the bus.

They had only had about three rest stops in the past two days, and they had all been minute-long bathroom breaks by the side of the road.

Mick Foley and the Undertaker, who were in the drivers and passengers seats, had insisted that they keep going without taking any long breaks, much to everyone else's despair.

They didn't even stop to sleep. Oh no. They all had to sleep in the bus, while Foley or Taker would drive.

And something seemed wrong. Neither The Hardcore Legend nor the Deadman seemed very good with directions, and many of the superstars were beginning to question whether or not they were going to Florida at all.

Especially when The Rock saw (And voiced loudly) a road sign that said 'California 5 miles.'

The last time they all had checked, it was not at all necessary to go through California when traveling from Canada to Florida.

Foley and Taker insisted that they knew what they were doing though, and there wasn't really much anyone could do about it even if they were going in completely the wrong direction. No one wanted to piss off the deadman.

All was silent in the bus full of hot, ticked-off wrestlers, and it smelled faintly of rotten cheese. Or maybe it was dirty socks. Hunter didn't really care; all that mattered was that it wasn't pleasant.

He let out a loud sigh. Little did he know that he had just released the spark that would unleash the flame.

"WOULD YOU SHUT THE HELL UP?!!" Steve Austin screamed from two rows back.

Triple H turned to find the Texas Rattlesnake looking right at him, so he gave him a weird look.

Now normally, Hunter's response would have been something along the lines of, "I just sighed!" but, as previously mentioned, he was hot, sweaty, smelly, and in a very bad mood.

"WHY DON'T YOU SHUT THE HELL UP YOU FREAKIN REDNECK!" he screamed.

"WHAT!?" Austin roared.

Hunter groaned. "I said-" he was cut off.

"WHAT!?"

"Damnit I said-"

"WHAT!?"

Hunter simply roared with rage.

"WHAT!?"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, ASSCLOWNS!!!" Jericho yelled from the very back.

"WHAT!?"

Triple H screamed. This was about the time that random people began shrieking obscenities.

"WHAT!?"

"SHUT UP, YOU BRAINLESS BASTARDS!" surprisingly, it was a female voice that yelled this one.

"WHAT!?"

"THE ROCK THINKS YOU SHOULD ALL SHUT YOUR GAPING PIE HOLES BEFORE HE DECIDES HE WANTS TO WUP ALL YOUR CANDY ASSES!!"

"Mm… Pie…"

"WHAT!?"

"IF YOU SAY 'WHAT' ONE MORE TIME, I SWEAR I'LL-"

"WHAT!?"

"GAHHH!!!!!!!!"

"I TOLD ALL ASSCLOWNS TO SHUT UP!! I BELIEVE YOU ALL COUNT AS ASSCLOWNS, AND I DON'T HEAR YOU SHUTTING UP!"

"How the hell can you hear someone shutting up?"

"SHUT UP!"

"WHAT!?"

"AUSTIN!!!!!"

"WHAT!?"

"DAMNIT!!"

Well, you get the point. The insanity continued on for a long while, before Mick Foley decided it was time for the madness to cease.

"STOP!!!!" He screamed at the top of his lungs.

Even in the chaos, everyone looked at him.

"I don't want to listen to anymore of this! The next person who screams doesn't get a Popsicle the next time we stop!" Foley shouted, as if they were a bunch of over-energetic children.

"What's the point? We never stop anyway!" Triple H yelled.

"Alright, no Popsicle for you!" Foley yelled back, and Hunter pouted.

"Screw you, _Dick_ Foley!" Jericho shouted from the back.

"HEY!! Now you can't have one either!" Foley replied.

"I'll buy my own, you stupid old fatass!"

"HEY!" Foley yelled again. "You can't call me that! That's not nice!"

"Then don't order us around like we're a bunch of five year olds, idiot!"

Foley groaned. Jericho was a much bigger problem then most of the others.

"Yeah! Who said that… that… _Hobo_ could be the driver anyway!?" Randy Orton yelled.

"Yeah!" Many of the buses occupants agreed.

And then Mr. Middle Finger himself (Steve Austin, if it's not too obvious lol) decided to start a chant.

"Kill the hobo! Kill the hobo!" many of the superstars followed along with the chant, and some even began to stand up.

"WAIT!!" The Undertaker roared, and everyone froze and looked at him.

"How many of you really want to drive day and night without sleep? Because if ya kill Mick here, someone's gonna have to drive, and I'm sure as hell not going to help you like I'm helping him!"

Everyone looked around at each other, then simultaneously groaned and those who were standing sat back down.

All of them, but one.

"WHAT!?"

"Austin, sit down." The Undertaker calmly told him.

"WHAT!?"

"I SAID SIT DOWN!" Taker screamed.

"WHA-" This time Austin didn't get to finish, and a shattering sound was heard throughout the bus.

As the Texas Rattlesnake collapsed to the floor, Chris Jericho stood behind him holding the neck of a broken beer bottle.

"Thank you." Shawn Michaels said simply.

Jericho simply muttered something under his breath as he headed back to the back row.

The Undertaker sat back down in his seat, and the journey was once again peaceful.

For that moment, anyway.


	25. A Thorn in the Side

Disclaimer – As always, I own nothing.

A/N – Well, here we go again! And to answer We are the X-men's questions, Eddie is in the story for several reasons; 1. He was, and still is, one of my favorite wresters 2. It just seems nice to pretend and wish he were still alive. 3. He was hilarious and in my opinion is a great addition to the story. And I don't know why I decided to make Angle act like that; I guess I just thought it would be fun :) Again, there's a language warning for this one. Well, I hope everyone had a great holiday, and now on with the story.

Part 25 – Everyone "A Thorn in the Side"

Where the hell are we going?

That was the question that filled the heads of most of the people aboard the bus.

Florida. That was where they were supposed to be going. Where they were already supposed to be.

But no. There was no chance in hell, as Vince McMahon's theme song lyrics go, that they were actually headed to Florida.

If passing through California was not enough to convince everyone that Foley and The Undertaker were not heading to the right destination, a road sign that said '20 miles to Mexican Border' certainly was.

"Would you sorry son's of bitches please explain to The Rock why exactly we are going to MEXICO!!?" The Rock suddenly shouted, causing everyone to look at him.

"Why, is there a problem?" The Undertaker asked menacingly, as he turned around and rolled his eyes back.

Surprisingly, The Rock did not back down. "Yes jabroni, there is a problem. The Rock never wanted to go on this stupid road trip in the first place, and now he would like to know why you morons are going in completely the wrong direction, and LEAVING THE COUNTRY!!!"

The Undertaker stared back at him for a second, then simply turned back to face the road as if nothing had ever happened.

"What the!? YOU WILL NOT IGNORE THE ROCK!!" The people's champion screamed, but Taker just continued to stare out the window.

"HELLO, THE ROCK IS TALKING TO YOU!!!"

"Rest stop!" Mick Foley suddenly shouted as he stopped the bus, causing everyone to stand up and make a mad rush for the door.

"Hey! HEY!!" The Rock screamed, but it was no use; he was being completely ignored.

Everyone quickly exited the bus and headed toward the building they had stopped at, which was some sort of store.

They all began trying to enter at once, causing the store clerks and the few other customers who were in there to give them strange and surprised looks.

Chris Jericho and Lita quickly escaped the rest of the wrestlers and divas, most of who were gathering around the gum and candy section.

The pair hurried off around the corner of a shelf toward the toys, drinks, and non-candy food items.

The two were attempting to get a few moments peace away from the rest of the maniacs who somehow passed as professional wrestlers, but they ended up finding something, or rather someone, they never expected to see.

A dark looking man wearing black pants and a black leather jacket was apparently attempting to hide in the small amount of space between the second row of shelves and the built-into-the-wall refrigerator that housed items that needed to be kept cold.

"What the hell…?" Jericho simply asked, bewildered, as he stared at the person in front of him.

Lita's mouth, as well as Chris's, was wide open, but she managed to speak. "Kevin, what in the name of all that is holy are you doing all the way out here!?"

Kevin Thorn looked at them with wide eyes. "Ah, shit." He muttered. "Is Vince with you?"

"Hell no!" Jericho replied, and Kevin breathed a sigh of relief. "But would you mind explaining to us why the hell you're in a rest stop out on the way to Mexico when you're supposed to be in Florida with Vince and everyone else who wasn't condemned to go on this road trip!?"

"Ah, it's a long story. Let's just say Vince won't be to happy the next time he sees me."

"Kevin…" Lita said slowly. "What did you do?"

"It's not important. What the hell are you idiots doing out here?" He asked.

"Also a long story." Jericho replied. "Vince told us to come to Florida, but the people who decided to do all the driving seemed to have something else in mind, and now we're here."

"Oh yeah? You guys are going to Mexico then?"

"We think." Lita said.

"Then I'm coming with. I'm fucking sick of hitchhiking with a bunch of fucking losers who have nothing better to do than drive around in the middle of fucking nowhere. Besides, none of them would take me to Mexico. Something about getting arrested at the border. Bunch of fucking morons."

As he finished, Jericho snickered. "Well you're not exactly a normal citizen, you know."

But before Kevin could respond, Lita spoke up.

"Kevin, what on earth did you do that's so bad you're leaving the country?" She asked him.

"Yeah, and who said you could come with us anyway?" Jericho asked.

"I already told you it doesn't matter what I did, and if you've got a problem with me coming with you, then you've got a date with my fist."

"Oh lovely. I've always dreamed of dating your fist." Chris sarcastically remarked, and Lita rolled her eyes.

"So when are we leaving?" Kevin asked, apparently ignoring Chris.

"Whenever everybody's done with whatever they're doing." Jericho replied. "But me and Lita were just trying to get a moment alone and away from all insane people, so it would be nice if you would kindly go away."

Kevin raised an eyebrow, but then shrugged and walked away muttering something about the meaning of the word 'alone'.

"Great. Another psychopath in the bus." Chris muttered, but Lita gave him a strange look.

"Chris, I believe you yourself qualify as a psychopath, so I wouldn't be talking bad about him."

"What!? I'm not a psychopath!"

"You drove our motorcycle over a rising drawbridge. You handcuffed King Booker, held a fake funeral, buried him alive, and then dumped his wife in the middle of nowhere. You called a random guy and told him that he had to bring 150,000 dollars to Canada if he ever wanted to see his wife again. Need I go on?"

Chris stared at her for a second. "Damnit."

Now it was his turn to walk off muttering something under his breath.

Lita shook her head and smiled slightly, then began shoving small, undetectable objects that she liked into her pockets.

"You do realize that stuff isn't free, right?"

Lita turned around to see the smirking face of Randy Orton.

"Shut up smart-ass." She said with a smile, and then went back to looking at and pocketing stuff.

Randy walked up beside her, and also began looking at stuff. After a moment, he exclaimed, "Ooh! Awesome!" and stuck a stretchy and squishy toy ball into his pocket.

"Hypocrite." Lita muttered, smiling at him.

He just shrugged and walked off.

Lita shook her head at yet another odd man, then decided that he was right, the balls were cool, and pocketed one herself.

Meanwhile, Kurt Angle and Melina were over in another section of the store, looking at a basket full of small magnetic rocks. The rocks were black, shiny, and stuck together, and this seemed to intrigue Kurt, as he simply stared wide-eyed at them.

Melina giggled slightly. "Pretty cool, huh Kurt?"

"Yeah…" he replied, staring at them with a bit of drool on the side of his mouth.

Melina giggled some more as she watched him.

"Can I touch them?" He asked, as if they were hers.

"Yeah, sure." Melina replied, and so Kurt began to play with the rocks.

While Kurt was busy with the rocks, Melina slipped off to buy her very 'special' friend a present, and literally ran into someone.

"Oh, sorry!" She said as he turned and looked down at her.

"Yeah, whatever." He muttered as he walked away, leaving Melina puzzled.

That was one of the ECW guys, but he wasn't with them. What the hell?

The guy was no doubt strange, but this was just weird. Then it hit her. Realizing that many of the ECW guys were a little on the crazy side, she figured that he had probably done something bad enough that he was running off to Mexico to avoid getting arrested or something, and this was most likely the only rest stop nearing the end of Arizona and Mexico's border. She shrugged. It didn't really matter anyway.

She headed into the toys section and began to look at stuff, wondering what Kurt would like the most.

It was then that someone tapped her on the shoulder. Melina turned to see the ECW guy standing there, and she swallowed a little bit.

"Why are you looking at toys?" He asked simply.

"For Kurt." She replied.

"Oh." he replied, and then he held out his hand. "Kevin."

She shook it, although she was very surprised. He looked like the kind of guy that would kill you as soon as look at you. "Melina."

"So why are you guys all out here on a road trip?" he asked, despite having asked Chris Jericho virtually the same question a couple minutes previous.

"Because Vince McMahon's crazy." She replied, causing him to let out a small laugh.

"Good enough." He replied.

"Why are you out here?" She asked.

"I through a Molotov cocktail into Vince's limo while he was in a meeting, pretty much destroyed every other car in the parking lot, and spray-painted 'Kevin Thorn wuz here' on the side of the building."

Melina's jaw dropped. "Why!?"

He shrugged. "I felt like it."

She shook her head and laughed a little bit, and he just stood there without another word.

That's when the insanity began.

The Rock, who was still pissed about being ignored, had begun wandering the store throwing random stuff all over the place, despite being yelled at by the clerks and other wrestlers to stop.

Steve Austin was attempting to use this as a distraction to steal something that was in plain sight, but when he got caught, he flipped off and delivered a Stunner to the unlucky clerk who had seen him.

This caused even more of a ruckus, and several people began heading for the door, afraid that someone would call the cops for what The Rock and Austin were doing.

Eddie Guerrero began shoving as many snacks as he could fit into his pockets, while Rey Mysterio simply watched him and shook his head.

"What, Esse? You can't tell me you don't want free snacks!?"

Rey just laughed and continued to shake his head at his shoplifting friend.

"YOU CAN'T SEE ME!!" was heard throughout the entire store as John Cena punched out another clerk.

D-Generation X was busy spray-painting 'DX' on the wall when someone shouted "RUN!" so The Game and The Heartbreak Kid quickly finished up and ran out, but not before Shawn Super Kicked a clerk and Hunter stole his wallet.

Through all the madness, Rob Van Dam had just been sitting in the corner smoking his pot and not really caring about what was happening, but when he heard someone yell 'RUN!' he decided, 'Why not?' and started running in circles around the shelves.

Rob continued doing this until Randy Orton saw him and raised an eyebrow. Figuring Rob was probably just stoned again, Randy jumped in front of his path and slung the drugged-up superstar over his shoulder, then ran out.

On the way out, Kevin Thorn grabbed up the entire cash register, which had just been sitting on the counter rather than attached, and several others grabbed other objects as well.

Melina had been planning to actually pay for Kurt's present, but that was pretty much impossible now, so she simply took a bunch of toys from the rack, grabbed a bag that someone had dropped in all the madness, and threw them in.

As she was heading for the exit, Melina saw Christian grab up the entire basket full of shiny rocks before he ran out and Kevin Thorn running off with the cash register, and she actually burst into laughter because of how insane this all was.

She hurried from the building and saw Finlay ushering people into the bus while shouting, "GO, GO, GO!"

Melina quickly got into the bus and ran back to her seat next to Kurt, who was already sitting in his spot.

Kevin, who had been previously standing in the isle looking for a place that someone wasn't taking or throwing their luggage onto, ran to the back and got into the seat beside her.

As soon as everyone was in the bus, Foley sped off, and everyone began talking to each other about what had just happened.

Four rows in front of Kurt, Melina, and Kevin, Christian was inspecting the basket full of rocks he had stolen.

"What the hell are these?" He asked out loud.

John Cena laughed from beside him. "Shouldn't you have figured that out before you stole em'?"

"Nah man I just grabbed something, I didn't even see what it was." He replied, causing Edge and Cena to laugh.

Christian shrugged. "Anybody want these?" He asked, holding out the basket

"Oh! Yeah, back here!" Melina shouted from four rows back, so Christian passed them over the empty fifteenth row (The Rock had once again sat down by Coach and Kane) to William Regal and asked him to pass them to her.

Regal passed them back to The Masterpiece, who in turn handed them to Melina.

"Thank you." Melina told him and Masters just nodded and said, "Yeah."

"Thanks Christian!" Melina shouted.

"Yeah no problem!" Captain Charisma replied, wondering why she would want a basket full of shiny magnetic rocks anyway.

"Here ya go Kurt!" Melina said happily as she handed him the bag full of stolen toys and the basket full of rocks.

"Whoa thanks Melina! You're my bestest friend!" Kurt replied, hugging her happily.

Kevin smirked as he emptied all the money out of the cash register and into his pockets, and then unceremoniously dumped the register onto the floor by his seat.

Stephanie McMahon, who had not even gotten off the bus, was looking wide eyed around at everyone, trying to figure out what the hell had just happened, while Hunter and Shawn were going through the stolen wallet in the seats beside her.

Perhaps what all of the wrestlers had just done wasn't exactly… legal, but it certainly put everyone in a much better mood, because most of them had just had a hell of a lot of fun.


	26. SUCK IT!

Disclaimer – I own nothing.

A/N – Thanks for all the great reviews everyone! 2NiteItBeginz – I'm glad I satisfied you by putting Kevin in here :) And special thanks to everyone else who reviewed the last chapter. Those last reviews were some of my favorites :) Well, on with the story!

Part – 26 Everyone "SUCK IT!!!"

Mick Foley was beginning to get worried.

Despite the fact that they were supposed to be heading to Florida, Mick and the Undertaker had decided that they would prefer to go to Mexico, so that's where they were headed.

Mick was beginning to question whether or not this was a good idea though; passing through the Mexican border would be a hell of a feat with all the retards the bus contained.

Getting back to America would be an even bigger problem, but Mick decided not to think about that right now.

"Everybody listen up!" He shouted.

When they all looked at him, he continued.

"Now we're almost at the border, and I'm sure some of you (He looked mostly toward the back where RVD was) have some illegal stuff, so everybody's got to play it cool, alright?"

Everyone looked around at each other, and then The Rock piped up. "The Rock has two questions. Why are we going to Mexico, and who in the blue hell is that guy who got on back at the store?"

"We're going to Mexico because Taker and I felt like it, and… wait a minute… some guy just got on at the rest stop!?"

"Don't worry." Lita shouted from the back. "He's not just some homeless person."

"Yeah! I aint just some random guy!" Kevin agreed.

"No, you're Kevin Thorn. The Rock was talking about this guy." The Rock responded, pointing to the row in front of him."

Sure enough, a man wearing a tattered flannel, carrying a half-full trash bag, and sporting an enormous shaggy beard was sitting there.

Everyone looked at him, and blinked.

"Well I guess that _is _just some homeless person." Lita finally stated, and a few people snickered.

"Who the hell are you?!" Steve Austin yelled.

The man looked up at Steve before responding. "My name's George."

"Well _George, _what the hell are you doing on our bus!?" Edge asked from a few rows back.

"I don't know. I just saw everyone running to this bus, so I figured I should too."

There were a few moments of silence while everyone stared at George in disbelief, before it was finally broken by Mick. "Do you want to go to Mexico, George?"

"Hey what the hell!?" Randy Orton shouted from the back. "You don't even ask us if we want to go or not, but you ask the hobo!?"

Mick ignored him, and continued looking at George.

"Um, I guess I don't have anything better to do." George replied.

"Ok. You can stay on the bus with us then." Mick said.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Shouldn't we take a vote or something before we just let him stay!? He could be dangerous!" Trish Stratus exclaimed.

Mick shrugged. "He can't be much more dangerous then a lot of you guys." He said.

Several people began protesting, (Saying such things as "You're just letting him stay because you both look, and smell, like homeless guys!") but the Undertaker shut them up. "SILENCE!!!"

Everyone looked at him. "We're almost at the Mexican border, so all of you better start cooperating, or else you'll likely end up behind bars!"

"Well we're never gonna get across if we have _him_ with us!" Jericho shouted, glaring at George.

"Well, we're already playing dangerously, and somehow I don't think that George is going to be the _biggest_ problem at the border." Lita said, while looking at her three seatmates. (RVD, Y2J, RKO)

"Hey!" Jericho and Randy exclaimed, and Lita rolled her eyes.

"At least Rob doesn't deny it." She muttered, looking over at him.

She frowned when she saw him sitting there with his mouth open, drooling a bit, and with a faraway look in his eyes, which weren't blinking. "Rob?"

He just kept sitting there, so Lita turned to Randy and Chris. "Guys, I think something's wrong with Rob."

Randy looked over at him. "He probably just died or something. Hey, Van Dam, you with us?"

Another trickle of drool escaped down Rob's chin.

Randy frowned as Jericho looked over at him.

"Hey Rob! I got pot!" Chris exclaimed.

Rob just kept sitting there.

"Yep, he's dead." Jericho stated, sitting back in his seat.

Lita groaned. "He can't have just _died_ you idiots. I'll get him up."

With that, she leaned over the odd superstar with a smile. "Rob, time to come back to the real world…" She said, using Rob's own arm to wipe away the drool before leaning in and kissing him right on the lips.

"What the!?" Rob exclaimed as Chris and Randy looked on with wide eyes. That certainly wasn't very Lita-like.

"Hey! I was dreaming about purple bunnies in a meadow filled with pot-plants! Why'd you have to go and do that!?"

Jericho just stared at Rob like he was crazy, but Randy spoke up.

"Dude, what's wrong with you!?" he exclaimed. "She just kissed you!"

Rob placed a hand on his chin and looked at Lita. "Well, I suppose the bunnies can wait…"

Randy rolled his eyes, Jericho stared at Lita like she had just grown a third eye, and Lita smirked.

Mick Foley sighed. They were almost at the border.

"Alright everyone, remember, I need you all on your best behavior!" He shouted.

"The Rock is not a little kid, Mick Foley!" Rock yelled. "He demands more respect then that!"

Mick looked back at him. "It's not that I don't respect you, it's just that you guys tend to act like a bunch of five year-olds with A.D.D.!"

"THE ROCK DOES NOT ACT LIKE A FIVE-YEAR OLD!!!"

"Yeah, that's why you're always talking in third person and throwing temper-tantrums," Chris Benoit said sarcastically.

"ARE YOU ASKING FOR THE ROCK TO COME UP THERE AND LAYETH THE SMACKETH DOWN ON YOUR CANDY ASS?!!"

Benoit rolled his eyes, and Foley stopped the yelling.

"Guys, this isn't helping! We need to make sure you all act like sane people at the border! Seriously!"

"I'll act how I want!" someone exclaimed, and everyone looked at George.

"What!?" Austin asked him, and several people rolled their eyes, afraid The Texas Rattlesnake might start another 'what' war.

George looked up a Stone Cold, stayed silent for a moment, and finally asked, "Why is everybody looking at me?"

"You just yelled… Ah never mind." Matt Hardy muttered.

"Well anyway," said Mick. "I know I've said this a lot, but you all really need to act like normal people when we get there. I _really _don't want to get arrested."

"No way! I don't follow your rules!"

Again, everyone looked at George.

"Someone please tell me what this guy's problem is?" Candice Michelle asked openly.

"What? Me? I don't have a problem." George stated.

"Ok then… Anyway-" Mick started.

"Shut up you fat old loser!"

"Alright, that's it! Get the hell out of our bus!" The Undertaker yelled at George.

Everyone just watched as George got up and walked to the door, surprisingly without protest.

Taker opened it. "Well, what are you waiting for? Go!"

"But it's still moving."

"You think I give a damn!? Get out!" Taker roared, before shoving George out of the moving vehicle.

"Now does everyone know what happens to you if you misbehave!?" The Deadman shouted.

Several people gulped, and all was silent for a few moments.

"We're at the border, and ours is the next vehicle to go through, so everyone be careful and hide all your illegal stuff!" Mick yelled down the bus, breaking the silence.

Many people had already seen the border up ahead and prepared, but some began nervously fidgeting, and others were rapidly stuffing things into their pockets and various other places.

"Um, Eugene, I do not believe you need to hide Bun-Bun…" William Regal explained as he watched Eugene try to jam his toy bunny into his pocket.

"I don't? But Mick said to hide stuff!" Eugene exclaimed.

"Yes Eugene, but only _illegal _stuff. Bun-Bun's not illegal."

"Oh…" Eugene said quietly, and then turned to Torrie Wilson. "Torrie, what's 'illegal' mean?"

Torrie and William both laughed a little bit, and Torrie began explaining the definition of 'illegal' to Eugene.

Mick Foley gulped. This was the moment. He prayed that they would just be let through, but it wasn't meant to be.

Someone lowered the security barrier, meaning they couldn't just pass through, and Mick opened the driver's side window as a man with sunglasses approached the vehicle. (Being a van-like bus, the only door was on the passenger side)

"Sir, do you mind telling me what you guys are doing? Is this a club or something? 'Cause we don't often see _buses _crossing the border."

Mick nervously forced a small laugh. "No, we're..." Mick was about to tell him they were WWE superstars but thought better of it when he realized that if someone tried something and the police knew they were famous, they would be in trouble. "We're just a bunch of friends." He finished with a gap-toothed grin.

"Oh yeah? So what's a bus full of friends heading to Mexico for? You guys have anything illegal in there?" The man said slowly, walking forward and sticking his head in the window.

Mick cringed when he looked back and saw that the cash register Kevin Thorn had stolen was still just lying in the isle by Kevin's seat. He hoped the guard didn't see.

Mick looked back at the man and was about to answer, but turned back around when someone else answered for him.

"So what if we have illegal stuff? What are you gonna do about it?" Triple H asked from where he and Shawn Michaels were now standing, just past Mick in the isle.

Mick put his head in his hands as the man looked at The Game and the Heartbreak Kid.

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to request that you two to step out of the vehicle." He said sternly.

"Well I'm afraid we're going to have to tell you to shove that request up your ass!" The Game replied.

The guard stared at him, appalled, and Shawn handed Mick a small note.

He looked at it. _Drive on crotch chops._

_'Oh no.'_ Mick thought

"And if you're not down with that…" Shawn said, while looking around at everyone else in the bus with a small smile.

"Then we've got two words for ya…" Again he looked around at the bus as he and The Game began raising their arms in the air.

"SUCK IT!!!" He and Triple H along with a good portion of the bus yelled right as they brought their arms down and did some of their infamous crotch chops, leaving the man at the window staring at them, not believing his eyes.

Mick Foley put the petal to the metal, smashing right through the small security barrier that had been lowered to keep them in place until they had been given permission to go.

"YEE HAWWWWW!!!!!" The Game shouted as they crashed their way out of the USA.

"Now this is the life!" Kevin shouted, and some people agreed with him while others just shook their heads.

"We've been breaking the law way to much." Melina stated, although she was laughing.

"Yeah…" Rey agreed, smiling and narrowing his eyes at Eddie Guerrero.

"What? Laws were made to be broken, ese!" Eddie shouted.

"I hear that!" Kevin said, reaching back to bump fists with Eddie.

Rey and Melina exchanged a glance, both still smiling, and shook their heads at their seatmates.

Both of them were pretty sure that the law breaking wasn't about to stop anytime soon; not with guys like Kevin and Eddie around.


	27. Lita Loves Me!

Disclaimer – I own nothing.

A/N – Everyone, I am really sorry that it took me so long to get this one up, but I just got a new puppy and I haven't been able to get hardly any time on the computer. She's a lot of work, and I do mean a LOT. :) And again, thanks to all the people who reviewed the last chapter! Oh, and again, language warning :)

Part 27 - Everyone "Lita _loves _me!"

Chris Jericho sat back in his seat and smiled.

Only just a moment ago had the realization of what was happening come to him. They were ditching Vince, _again. _They were in Mexico, they could do whatever they wanted, and this kicked ass.

"Hey Mick, when are we stoppin', and what are we doin' when we stop?" Matt Hardy asked the driver.

"Well Matt, I was planning to stop in the town, so everyone can walk around and buy stuff. You know what it's like, right? They have tons of outside stores and independent people who don't own stores making stuff to sell, and some of it is pretty cool. Then, just before dinner time, I figured we could gather everyone up and have a nice dinner at a great restaurant I know about." Mick replied.

"Awesome!" Jeff Hardy shouted, eager to get his hands on some of the Mexican merchandise.

"Where are we staying the night? 'Cause I sure as hell aint sleeping in this bus no more!" Cena shouted.

"Well, I hadn't really thought of that…" Mick said nervously.

"Hey… Trish has a beach house up here! We can all stay there! It's really cool, and it's by the ocean!" Jeff exclaimed.

"Yes Jeff, that would be why they call it a _beach _house." Matt said, rolling his eyes, at the same time Trish exclaimed, "Jeff!!"

"A beach house, huh?" Mick asked. "That sounds great!"

"No!" Trish yelled. "You guys will trash the place!"

"Ah, come on. We won't trash anything, right guys?" Mick shouted down the bus.

"I aint promising!" Randy shouted back, and Lita elbowed him in the side.

"Ow! What was that for!?" He asked.

"Mick's trying to get her to let us stay at her beach house, and you're not helping dumbass!"

"Oh." Randy said.

"Yeah we can stay there! I'll give you directions as soon as we're ready to go!!" Jeff shouted, again causing Trish to yell, "JEFF!!!!"

"Ok. That will be the perfect place to stay. Thanks for inviting us, Trish." Mick said.

"But I didn't-" Trish started, but never got to finish.

"WOOHOO!!! A BEACH HOUSE!!! THIS TOTALLY REEKS OF AWESOMENESS DUDE!!!!" Christian practically screamed, high-fiving Edge.

Trish sat back, crossed her arms, and groaned, and Batista simply said, "Sorry," from beside her.

"It's ok. You didn't do anything, anyway. But I'll tell ya one thing. Jeff's not gonna survive the night." The angry blonde replied, and Dave chuckled.

It didn't take very long from that point to reach the town area that Mick was talking about, the part where people were selling stuff on the streets.

Melina smiled at Kurt, who was looking out the window, apparently amazed by all of the outdoor shops and independent sellers.

"Melina, what's 'I Fuck on the First Date' mean?" He asked, causing Melina's eyes to widen and Kevin Thorn to crack up.

"What!? Where'd you see that!?"

"It was on a T-shirt back there. It was cool. I might get it."

"Oh. Well Kurt, it means… It means…" Melina struggled, unsure of what to say.

She needn't have worried about having to tell him herself though; Kevin gave him the whole explanation in what Melina thought was probably one of the dirtiest ways possible.

"Damn. Yo momma certainly didn't teach you to talk like that?" Rey asked from behind them when Kevin was done speaking and Kurt looked horrified.

"No, actually my dad taught me, midget man." Kevin replied.

Melina was too worried about Kurt even to roll her eyes at her other seatmate; Kurt's expression still hadn't changed since Kevin had finished talking.

"Um… Kurt?" Melina asked nervously.

He looked at her, and blinked. "Melina, I don't think I want that shirt anymore…"

Melina sighed in relief that he wasn't asking her anything else, then smiled. "Yeah, I don't think you should get it either."

Thankfully, Randy Orton changed the subject. "Why do they have English stuff in Mexico, anyway?" He asked loud enough for them to hear him.

"Because tourists come through here all the time." Rey replied.

"Yeah, esse. Americans give them most of their profit." Eddie added.

Soon, Mick stopped the bus in a parking place, and everyone got off.

"Ok guys, listen up!" Mick shouted. "We can all wander around town and do whatever we want until somewhere between 5:00 and 7:00. Whenever it's about sunset, we'll gather everyone and have dinner at the restaurant I told you about."

Everyone looked around and nodded, and then they were off.

They all split up, mostly heading off to explore the area with their friends.

Jericho, Rob, Randy, Lita, Christian, Edge, Cena, Melina, Kurt, and Kevin headed off together and walked past everything until they came to an aquarium that Rob had seen from the bus.

The entry fee was cheap, so they all went in and found themselves in a small building filled with tanks, huge open-topped basins for the bigger stuff, a pool, and at the very end, a large cage with water filling it a little less then halfway (up to the wire where everyone could look through and stick there hands in) that housed a pair of noisy seals.

Kurt quickly ran off to see the seals, followed close behind by Melina.

"Turtles! Totally awesome dude!" Christian shouted, as he, Edge, Cena, and Randy ran over to the pool.

Chris, Rob, Lita, and Kevin walked over to the nearest basin and found themselves looking at a large and dangerous looking fish.

"Dogfish. Beware, if you put your fingers in the tank, you may lose them." Lita read, as Rob, Jericho, and Kevin were sticking fingers in the basin and swirling them around to taunt it.

"Guys!" Lita exclaimed.

"I don't think you should do that!" A woman interrupted, looking nervously at them.

"I think you should mind your own business, and it wouldn't kill you to lose some weight." Kevin replied, still taunting the fish, which kept lunging at their fingers.

The woman stared at him, appalled, but Chris then distracted her and everyone else.

"OH GOD!!" He screamed, pulling his hand out of the basin and clutching his fingers. "IT BIT MY FINGER OFF!! IT BIT MY FUCKING FINGER OFF!!!"

The woman screamed, Lita looked shocked and scared, Rob looked like he didn't give a damn, and Kevin was smirking.

Chris collapsed, holding his finger, crying, and making an even bigger scene.

"Chris! Are you ok!?" Lita shouted, falling to her knees at his side as other people began to crowd around them.

"NO I'M NOT OK!!!" He screamed.

"Chris, let me see it!" Lita told him as the people that had crowded them watched in horror. (Except for Kevin and Rob, who didn't look scared at all)

"Ok." Chris said, holding out his hand to her.

"What the hell?" She asked. "Chris, there's nothing wrong with any of your-" She cut herself off when she looked up to see him smiling.

"You son of a bitch!" She screamed, as Chris noticed she was close to tears.

Kevin burst out laughing as he extended his hand and pulled Chris to his feet. "You couldn't have done it better man!" He exclaimed, still laughing, as most people around them looked at them like they were crazy.

"I know, I really couldn't have, could I?" Chris asked, laughing as he wiped the tears away.

"But… But… You were crying and everything…" Melina said, not believing Jericho had just pulled something like this.

"Yeah, fake crying is a good skill to have." Chris said, still laughing with Kevin and now a few other guys.

"Nice one dude." Edge told him.

"Thanks." Jericho replied.

Soon the crowd was gone, leaving Chris, Kevin, Rob, and Lita the only ones there.

Kevin and Rob walked off to see other stuff, and Chris looked at Lita. "You alright?"

She looked up at him, and wiped away a real tear. "Jerk."

He raised an eyebrow. "Wait a minute… You were really worried about me… You actually care about me… HAHA!!!!"

"What!?" She asked, shocked.

"HAHA LITA CARES ABOUT ME! LITA CARES ABOUT ME!" He shouted, dancing around as people looked at him.

"Shut up!" Lita shouted as she stood, although she too was smiling now.

"LITA CARES ABOUT ME!! LITA CARES ABOUT ME!! LITA _LOVES _ME!!!"

"WHAT!? Chris Jericho, you're a dead man!" Lita shouted, running at him.

"I don't here you denying it though- AHHH!" She had jumped on his back.

"AHHH I CAN'T SEE NOTHIN'!" He screamed, still laughing as she covered his eyes, and held on, with her arms.

He stumbled around, blundered into a wall, stumbled back, turned around, and fell face first into the pool that held the turtles.

Lita unintentionally flipped off of his back and into the pool herself as he went down, and the two of them came up, both shocked.

They stared at each other for a moment as everyone else in the building also stared at them, and then Chris looked at himself, soaked to the bone, and then broke the silence. "Well, shit."

Lita smiled, and then burst out laughing along with Chris and most of their friends, although most of the other tourists gave them weird looks.

"Damnit. They're never wearing white when you need them to." Kevin stated, looking at Lita, and they laughed even harder.

Although they were probably going to be kicked out of the aquarium, there were plenty of other things to do in the town, there was still a lot of daylight left, and it was totally worth it.


	28. The Great Mexican Street Brawl

Disclaimer – I own nothing.

A/N – Thanks again to everyone who reviewed especially L1701E, who also gave me some great ideas by e-mail. Sorry it took so long! Thanks everybody! Language warning by the way :) Oh and this one is much longer than usual :)

Part 28 – Everyone "The Great Mexican Street Brawl"

As they had expected to be, Lita and Jericho had been kicked out of the aquarium after they took their little swim with the turtles.

Neither of them really cared though; they needed to be outside to dry off faster anyway.

So the two waited just outside the building for everyone else to finish looking at the marine animals.

Kevin was the next one to exit the aquarium, then Rob, Cena, Edge, Randy, Christian, and finally Kurt and Melina.

"So… Where do we go now?" Randy asked.

"Eh, lets just explore the streets. There's bound to be people selling some pretty cool stuff." Jericho replied.

"Yeah, and since a lot of them are independent sellers, some of the stuff will probably be pretty cheap." Lita told them.

So they all started walking, and soon most of them had walked off by themselves to look at certain things or left with a friend, which, of course, disbanded their little group.

Jericho, Randy, and Lita were all still together, and Randy caught sight of something he liked. "Hey Chris, check it out! Firecrackers!"

Chris and Lita looked, and Jericho got an evil smile on his face. "Uh-oh." Lita muttered to herself as the two men headed toward the explosives.

She could only imagine the types of things they could pull with a bunch of firecrackers.

Meanwhile…

Triple H and Shawn Michaels were walking down the street shoving random stuff from outdoor shops into their pockets as they went.

"Hey Shawn, do you think Stephanie would finally stop being mad if I get her a whole briefcase full of jewelry? I saw a few people selling jewelry out of those cases back there." Hunter said.

"Well maybe you could get her to stop being so angry with a case full of jewelry, but you'd actually have to pay for it. No way you could take a whole briefcase without the owner knowing." Shawn replied.

"Who says it matters if the owner knows?" Hunter asked him.

"No Hunter. The last thing we need is a bunch of angry Mexicans chasing us down the street."

Hunter just shrugged. "I guess it depends on the prices."

Shawn groaned.

Jeff Hardy and Candice Michelle were walking along together, having just ditched poor Matt.

"Tell me again why we ditched your brother?" Candice asked.

Jeff shrugged. "Because he sucks."

She laughed. "So, where should we go?"

"I dunno, let's just walk down the street and buy or steal cool stuff." Jeff replied.

Candice smiled. "Fine by me."

"We gotta be careful though," Jeff warned. "Matt's gonna be pissed if he finds us."

"Ok," Candice said, and the two walked down the street keeping and eye out for stuff they liked as well as the elder Hardy brother.

However, it was incredibly hard not to be noticed when you had blue hair like Jeff's, and it wasn't long until Matt found them.

"Why'd you guys ditch me!?" He demanded as he jumped onto the sidewalk in front of them.

"Aw, damnit." Jeff said bluntly.

"What? Answer the question!" Matt yelled.

"Because you were um… crampin' our style." Jeff told him.

Matt glared. "Jeff, do you even know what that means!?"

"Um… yeah…" Jeff said hesitantly.

"Ok, then what does it mean?"

"Uh… RUN!" Jeff shouted, kicking Matt where the sun don't shine, (crotch) grabbing Candice by the hand, and taking off.

Matt just collapsed to the ground in shock, holding that area and wondering what the hell had come over his brother.

Melina and Kurt were exploring the area, buying a lot of stuff they wanted.

"Wow! These are pretty!" Kurt exclaimed as he stopped to look at some jewelry that was being displayed and sold in a briefcase.

"Yeah…" Melina said, gazing longingly at some of the necklaces.

"Let's buy them!" Kurt exclaimed.

"Some of these are probably really expensive, Kurt." Melina told him as she examined them. "They're really detailed…"

"Oh…" He said as he began to move on.

Melina had taught him that some things were just TOO expensive.

She took one last wishful glance at the beautiful necklaces, rings, and bracelets before she followed Kurt off down the street.

"Hey look Melina! This place is cool!" Kurt exclaimed as he ran over too and entered an outside shop that was lined with so many rows of shelves and clothing racks that it seemed like a maze.

Melina ran to catch up to him, but by the time she reached the entrance to the maze of shelves, Kurt was gone.

"Kurt? Where'd you go?" She asked, but received no answer.

It looked like she would have to find him.

What Melina didn't know was that Kurt had gone through the center of the maze and headed out a different entrance, then ran back to the expensive looking jewelry.

"Did we lose em'?" Triple H asked his friend from where they were hiding behind a shelf that was part of an outdoor shop.

They had gone back to look at the jewelry prices, and Hunter had thought it was too expensive. Before his buddy could stop him, The Game had run off with the entire briefcase full of jewelry.

Of course, the case's rightful owner had chased them, along with a few others who had seen the criminal act.

"Yeah I think so." Shawn replied, looking around the side of the shelf. "But we should probably stay here for a while, you know, until the heat wears off. You shouldn't have stolen that thing in the first place, though."

"Oh shut up. You know I wasn't going to pay that much for a case full of jewelry!" Hunter all but yelled.

"SHHH!!!!!" Shawn warned him, hoping no one had overheard.

"Sorry. So, what do you want to do while we wait?"

"I don't know."

Then Hunter got an evil smirk on his face, and Shawn feared for the worst. "I know what we'll do."

"What?" HBK asked nervously.

Hunter took out his cell phone and began dialing.

"Who are you calling?"

"You'll see…" The Game replied, still smiling. "Long distance calling… what a beautiful thing."

"Oh no. Hunter what are you doing!?"

But Hunter didn't reply, because he got an answer. "Hello? Yes this is Vince McMahon, owner of World Wrestling Entertainment. I would like to order 10,000 pizzas for a party at the WWE Headquarters in Stamford, Connecticut. Yes. Yes I'll have someone pay you upon your arrival. Yes I figured it would take more than one trip. That's fine. Thanks. Bye."

Shawn was rolling his eyes. "Hunter, do you know what Vince is going to do if he finds out who did that? How do you even know the number for a pizza place in Connecticut?"

"Dude, I'm from Connecticut. That's one of those numbers you just _have_ to memorize."

Shawn just rolled his eyes some more, and then saw Hunter was dialing again.

"Who are you calling now?"

"An old friend." The Game replied.

A moment later he was speaking into the phone again.

"Hey man! I haven't talked to you in forever! How's it goin?" He asked. "Yeah! It's Hunter! Yep, still raising hell! So you're down at HQ right? Ok good 'cause I just ordered 10,000 pizzas to that place, and I need you to wait for the pizza guy to bring them. Yeah, no joke. I know! Yeah, and can ya tell Vinnie Mac that Coach ordered em'? All right awesome! I wish I could be there to see Vince's face. I'm Down in Mexico. Don't tell anybody though. Ok. Thanks man, see ya later!"

With that Hunter hung up, leaving Shawn looking shocked. "Why the heck did you just do that!?"

Hunter smiled and shrugged. "I felt like it."

Poor, poor Vince.

After a long while of looking for a certain Olympic Gold Medalist, Melina finally exited the maze-like shop, only to find him waiting for her.

"Hi Melina! I got you a present!" Kurt exclaimed, holding out the entire briefcase full of expensive jewelry.

"Oh, Kurt, you shouldn't have!" Melina exclaimed, looking at him in shock.

He shrugged. "Why not? I had to do something for my bestest friend in whole entire world!"

Melina giggled and turned a little red, flattered. "I-I-I don't know what to say... Thank you, Kurt." She said, hugging him.

"Your very very very very very welcome!!" He replied, with an enormous smile.

Melina smiled to herself. She couldn't believe how glad she was that he had taken the spot beside her and offered to share his 'blankie' with her that night in Canada.

He certainly was special, to Melina anyway.

Kevin Thorn, who had just been walking aimlessly, wandered off the street and into a Mexican strip club.

The guy who was taking entrance fees was busy with someone else, so Kevin just walked right in without paying.

He took a seat in a booth by himself and began to watch the strippers. He didn't think much of what he was doing until he realized that one of the strippers looked oddly familiar.

The lighting in there wasn't very good, and he wasn't in the right position to see her face, but he knew he recognized her…

Hey… Wait a minute!

Kevin got up and walked over as close as he could get to the stage without being on it. "Ariel, what the hell are you doing!?" He yelled, now getting up on the stage.

She looked shocked. "Uh… Kevin… I… Um…"

A bunch of people gave cheers of, "WOOOO!!!" When they saw that some guy had actually been bold enough to get up onto the stage with a stripper.

"Oh, shut up!" Kevin shouted at the crowd.

And of course, luck would have it, that, at that exact moment, a certain group of guys entered the club.

When he saw Kevin, one of them said, "Aw man… Are they having male strippers today!?"

"I dunno but look! There are girls too!" Another of them shouted.

The group got up real close to the stage, and Kevin's brain was screaming 'Oh crap'.

"Kevin!? What the hell man? I didn't know you were a part-time stripper!" One of them said.

"I'm not the one stripping here jackass!" Kevin yelled at him, pointing at Ariel. "I'm trying to find out why the hell _she _is!"

The guys' faces all turned to her. "Ariel!? Aw this is fucked up man!"

"So do you idiots mind telling me what the hell you're doing in MEXICO!?" Kevin yelled at them, ignoring Ariel for the moment.

The 'idiots' he was speaking of were a bunch of guys who Vince left off of the road trip. Specifically, they were Tommy Dreamer, The Sandman, Sabu, Test, Montel Vontavious Porter (MVP), and Gregory Helms.

"Uh… Well we could ask you the same question." Tommy replied.

"Yeah, good point. Well the main thing is we all ditched Vince, right? So I won't tell if you guys won't." Kevin told them.

"Yeah, sure," Tommy agreed. "But we still have one problem." He finished, looking at Ariel again.

Kevin looked back to her and frowned. "Ya know what?" He said, "Aint no way in hell I'm leaving you here to strip in front of these losers."

"Uh, Kevin? You're in the club too, so doesn't that make you a loser as well?" MVP asked him.

"No, it doesn't, so SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!!!" Kevin roared at him.

With that, he scooped Ariel up and carried her from the building, while MVP hid behind Jim (Sandman).

The guys all followed, and as they exited the club, they were treated with the sight of Kevin Thorn carrying a totally naked (well, naked except for shoes) Ariel down the street in broad daylight.

Dreamer, Jim, Sabu, Test, MVP, and Helms were in Mexico because they all basically just decided that, in the words of Jim, "Vince is a dumb-ass son of a bitch."

After this not-so-shocking new revelation, they had all decided that they needed a vacation, and that was that.

"How long do ya think they'll go without getting arrested?" Tommy asked the others.

"We're in Mexico, so probably a long freakin' time." Jim replied.

"Stand back, there's a hurricane comin' through!" Helms suddenly shouted, then began humming his old entrance music.

Everyone looked at him. "What?" he asked. No one answered, so he shrugged and walked off down the street as if nothing had ever happened.

"Who the hell invited that weird-ass son of a bitch anyway?" Jim (Sandman) asked, displaying his colorful language.

"I don't know, but let's get outta here and hope he doesn't find us." Test said quickly, walking across the street.

"Yeah, I agree. Let's go." Tommy said, and the rest of the little group followed Test.

"Woohoo! Nothing beats Mexico, esse!" Eddie Guerrero shouted as they walked down the street, and Rey Mysterio laughed.

"You got that right Eddie!" Rey said.

However, it was then that they saw something very strange.

Kevin Thorn was walking down the street carrying ECW's Ariel, who was wearing nothing but a pair of high-heeled shoes.

"Hey Rey-Rey, check that out!" Eddie told his friend.

"Wha-" Rey started, but was interrupted by a yell, and that's when the chaos begun.

"BOMBS AWAY!!!"

Rey only stood there stunned as an enormous seen unfolded before him.

Stone Cold Steve Austin, who Rey spotted on a nearby roof, had apparently hurled one of the mini cherry bombs that could be bought from a lot of stores, because Rey saw it land at Kevin's feet.

"HOLY SHIT!!" Thorn yelled, dumping his load, which just happened to be the still naked Ariel, and running from the explosive.

"AHHH!!! KEVIN!!!!" She yelled, attempting to crawl away from the bomb.

She didn't make it in time through; the bomb went off and a shit-load of sparks went right into the poor woman's ass.

"OH MY GOD!!!!!!" Ariel screamed, rolling around in pain.

Kevin's reaction was appalling, at least in Rey's opinion. The extremist simply stood back, pointed at Ariel, and laughed his own ass off.

He wasn't laughing for very long though, because Austin fired off a bunch of rocket shaped firecrackers in his direction.

"What the… AHHHH!" Kevin yelled as the small rockets flew towards him.

He tried to get out of the way and managed to escape some of them, but many of the firecrackers either hit Kevin or the ground beside him, and by the time they were all gone, Kevin as well as Ariel, was rolling around on the ground.

"HEY!! YOU GIVE BACK THE ROCK'S MONEY!! THIS IS A PIECE OF CRAP!!" Came from inside a nearby shop.

Whoever The Rock was yelling at must have responded because Rocky yelled again, but Rey couldn't here them.

"FINE THEN TO HELL WITH YOUR CANDY ASS!!!" The Rock screamed, and Rey watched as The Peoples Champion stormed out of the shop in a rage and Rock-Bottomed the nearest person, who just happened to be Rob Van Dam.

"HEY!! You can't just do that to Rob for no reason!" A female voice shouted from down the street, and Rey looked to see Lita.

"OH THE ROCK CAN'T, HUH!!?" The Peoples Champion screamed just before delivering the Rock-Bottom to Lita, right on the pavement.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!" Jericho screamed as he and Orton, who had witnessed the Rock-Bottom to Lita, came running and attacked The Rock.

"Why is everybody fighting?" Carlito asked Chris Masters.

"I don't know… Looks like fun though!" Masters shouted, decking Carlito.

"HEY! DAT IS NOT COOL!!!" The Caribbean wrestler screamed, clutching his jaw.

Carlito rolled over till he was right next to the Masterpiece and low blowed him.

Apparently Masters wasn't the only one who had started a fight for no reason, because people all up and down the street had begun brawling.

Steve Austin had come down off the roof and was delivering Stunners left and right, taking down completely random people.

"RAHHHH!!!!" The Big Show yelled as he picked up an entire hotdog cart and charged the WWE champion.

Cena's eyes widened. "HOLY SHIT!!! He yelled, ducking and diving out of the way.

Big Show didn't stop though, and ended up ramming the cart into a very wide-eyed Mr. Kennedy instead.

Kennedy went down hard and smacked his head against the pavement, but the giant obviously didn't care, because he ran off after Cena.

Batista hoisted up and delivered the Batista Bomb to Edge on a car hood after the Rated R Superstar had been spearing everything and everyone in sight.

Finlay was walking around randomly shattering car windows with his shillelagh, well at least until Kurt Angle jumped out of nowhere and Angle Slammed him right on the street.

"KURT!!" Melina yelled, running over to him. "That wasn't very nice!"

He looked at her. "But everyone else is fighting! It's fun!"

Melina sighed and shrugged as she looked around her at all the commotion. Everyone else really _was _just brawling in the street, so why not let Kurt join in and have some of his own fun?

"Well, alright. Just don't get hurt, kay?"

"Ok!" Kurt replied eagerly before running off and Angle Slamming Ric Flair.

Jonathon Coachman was screaming for mercy as The Big Red Monster grabbed his throat.

Kane didn't chokeslam him though, instead he picked Coach up and Tombstone Piledrived him right on a manhole cover.

"That's for being annoying in the bus!" Kane yelled.

However, before The Big Red Machine could even turn around, Kurt Angle grabbed him from behind and delivered a German Suplex.

Once Kane was down, Jeff Hardy jumped off the hood of a nearby truck and Swanton Bombed him.

The madness continued on until Mick Foley discovered everyone. "WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU PEOPLE DOING!!?"

Everyone stopped. "Actually, I don't really know…" Batista replied after a second.

Foley put his head in his hands. "I swear, I can't even leave you people alone for five minutes!"

Everyone just looked around, and many of them realized right then why Foley had been treating them like a bunch of little kids.

Mick sighed, "Alright, come on. Let's gather everyone else and have dinner…"

"DINNER!!!" A large group of the guys shouted at once, and everyone (who was conscious anyway) seemed to forget about the fight.

No, they were too worried about stuffing their faces to continue the war. For that moment, anyway.

A/N - Again, thanks to L1701E for your great ideas :)


	29. Kurt & Kevin’s Kraziness

Disclaimer – I own nothing.

A/N – Well, here we go again! Thanks for all the reviews everyone! Extreme language warning (for repetitiveness of a certain word) Lol I think it's been a long while since a chapter hasn't had a language warning:) Oh and the restaurant in this one is based on a restaurant in Mexico that I've actually been to :) We finally find out why Kurt Angle has been a bit 'special' throughout the story in this chapter, and an apology to Kurt fans beforehand for what happens with him :) I just couldn't resist. I'm evil, I know lol

Part 29 – Everyone "Kurt & Kevin's Kraziness"

"Whoa dude! Kickass!!"

That was Christian's reaction when he saw the restaurant that Mick Foley had taken the Superstars and Divas to.

They had gone there after everyone was conscious. The street fight had been pointless, but brutal.

The restaurant had two stories, and the top one had no roof and overlooked the ocean. It really was awesome.

"Second story! Second story!" Kurt exclaimed excitedly, racing up the steps.

The others followed, and the view was incredible. As previously mentioned, it had no roof, and the walls were only about four feet tall, which gave them all a perfect view of the ocean.

"This is beautiful!" Melina exclaimed happily.

"See? This is better than street fighting isn't it?" Mick Foley asked the group.

"Definitely." Several people said at once.

"Where are we going to sit though?" Edge asked. "There's just a bunch of plastic tables that don't look like they can fit more than four people around them."

"Yep! That's the beauty of the upstairs section of this place, well that and the ocean." Mick Foley told him. "Since the tables aren't attached to the floor, plus they're not very heavy, we can just move a bunch of them over here where the view of the ocean is best and make a row!"

Randy Orton looked around at everyone. "That's gonna have to be one big-ass row! Is there even enough tables?"

"Eh, we can squeeze in." Foley said to him, flashing a gap-toothed grin. "So you guys start moving tables, and I'll go get menus."

"Aw damnit! I don't want to sit all jammed up with all you idiots!" Kevin Thorn complained.

"Then just get a table by yourself! It's not like we all _have _to sit with each other!" Benoit yelled at him, before turning to Lillian. "And he calls _us _the idiots…" he muttered.

Lillian rolled her eyes at Thorn and then smiled at Chris. "You would really think he could have thought of that himself." She said.

"YOU KNOW I CAN HEAR YOU? SHUT THE FUCK UP!!" Kevin screamed at them from about ten feet away, where he was carrying a table away from the row that was being set up.

"Jeez! What crawled up his ass and died?" Chris Jericho asked no one in particular.

"I CAN STILL FUCKING HEAR YOU!!"

"Eh, he's probably just still pissed that Austin shot off those firecrackers at him…" Finlay muttered.

"WHAT!? I HEARD MY NAME YOU LITTLE SON OF A BITCH!!" Stone Cold yelled.

Finlay just rolled his eyes and glared at Austin.

"WELL!?" Steve asked.

"Nothing." Finlay finally said.

"Yeah I thought so…" Steve muttered, as if he had caught the Irish Superstar making fun of him.

"Hey Jeff, five bucks if you'll jump over the side!" Edge challenged.

The younger of the Hardy Boyz shrugged, backed up, and was about to take a running leap, when someone stopped him.

"NO!! Jeff, you're supposed to look before you leap!" Candice Michelle exclaimed. "There's a bunch of sharp rocks down there!!"

Jeff walked up and looked over, and, sure enough, a bunch of incredibly sharp looking dark rocks were protruding from the section of the ocean that was directly beside the restaurant.

"You son of a bitch! You could have got him killed!" Candice screamed at Edge.

The Rated-R Superstar shrugged. "Then I wouldn't have had to give him the five bucks."

That was it. Before Edge could even react, Candice reached up and slapped him right across the face.

"OW!! What the hell!?" He yelled, bringing a hand up to touch his cheek.

Candice just ignored him and walked away with Jeff, leaving Edge standing there mumbling something about crazy women.

"What was that about all women being crazy?" Someone asked from his left.

The blonde man turned to look, only to get slapped on the same cheek by his former girlfriend.

"OW!! BITCH!!"

After slapping him, Lita simply walked away, and this time Edge was left muttering to himself about redheads having terrible tempers.

"What did you just say about redheads having bad tempers?" He heard from behind him.

He spun around. "Oh, just slap me already!" The Rated-R Superstar roared at the woman standing there.

"I wasn't going to slap you." Christy Hemme replied.

"You weren't? You're not going to slap me? Finally a women that's sane!" Edge exclaimed.

She punched him in the nose.

Hard.

"OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!" He yelled, clutching his nose, stumbling, and falling backward over a table.

Most of the guys got a good laugh out of that one, not to mention they learned not to piss off Christy Hemme.

Ever.

It didn't take long after that for the guys (who were carrying tables, anyway) to finish setting up the tables, and everyone began to take their seats.

They sat on either side of the row with a person on each end. One side was facing the ocean with their backs to the section where the employees worked; (they worked in the center of the square shaped second floor) one side had their backs to ocean, but could still see it by looking to a different side of the restaurant.

Taker sat on one end with everyone else jammed on either side of the tables. (Except for a few people who sat at tables away from the rest of the group)

They left the other end open for Foley, who came back a moment later and passed out menus.

"CLAM CHOWDER CLAM CHOWDER CLAM CHOWDER!!!" Christian screamed with glee just seconds after he had opened his menu.

"The Rock thinks this menu kicks ASS!!" The Rock piped up enthusiastically.

"See? I told you guys this place rocks! Second floor, perfect view of the ocean, great menu!" Mick exclaimed.

Not long after that, the waiter came to take everyone's orders, looking shocked at how many of them were packed onto the two sides of the row of tables.

After they all ordered, it seemed to take forever for the waiter to deliver their meals, but considering how many of them there were, most of them seemed to think that that was to be expected.

MOST of them.

"WHERE'S MY FUCKING BEER YOU CHEEP ASS PIECE OF DONKEY SHIT!!!" That was how Steve Austin addressed the matter.

Anyway, they all got their food, eventually.

When Austin finally got his beer, it looked strangely yellow. "HEY!! YOU SON OF A BITCH!! YOU PISSED IN STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN'S BEER?!!?" He yelled.

The waiter just gave him a strange look and walked away, so Steve threw the beer over the side into the ocean and stole Coach's instead.

"HEY!!" Coach yelled, but Austin just flipped him off while guzzling the drink.

Everyone was just about to dig in, when someone got their attention.

"Everybody!! Don't eat yet!"

Most of the guys groaned. "Why the hell not!?" Cena demanded of the woman who had stood up.

Candice Michelle rolled her eyes at him. "Well, just look at this! After all we've been through, all the trouble, all the fights, all the insanity, we're all, well most of us anyway, (She glanced at those who weren't sitting at the row of tables) here eating together in this gorgeous place! Don't you all think we should get a memoir of this!?" She held up a digital camera.

Everyone looked up and down the table at each other, and, for once, agreed.

"My lord, she's right!" Batista exclaimed. "We're all in a beautiful place, having a blast, even after everything that happened in the past between us!!"

"Get that damn camera ready, woman!" Austin yelled as everyone began to pose.

Some smiled, some made ridiculous faces, some flipped off the camera, but the main thing was that they created a moment to remember.

Even Kevin Thorn, who had been sitting off at another table with Ariel, came over and managed to get his head in the shot.

Candice asked a nearby man to take the photo, got into the shot herself, and a great memory was created.

Afterward, everyone began to eat, all in a genuinely good mood for once.

To bad the moment couldn't last very long.

A man came over to their table and offered to play a song on his banjo for a dollar; Mick gave him a hundred and told him just to keep playing until they all left.

The man happily obliged, and began to serenade them with various songs, many of them in Spanish.

"Man esse, Mexico really is the greatest." Eddie Guerrero said happily to Rey Mysterio as they listened to the man sing, ate, and had a good time.

"No joke, Eddie, no joke." Rey replied, and the two superstars clinked their Coke cans (Certain Mexican places just give you a can of whatever drink you ordered and a straw, if you didn't know) together and took long drinks.

"Well Li, I've been trying to think of a way to ruin this freakin' moment of happiness, but I just don't think I can. This just rocks." Chris Jericho told Lita.

"Yeah I know what you mean." She replied. "Mick really couldn't have picked a better place. Plus, everyone's actually acting _sane _for once!"

Lita shouldn't have said that; she must have jinxed it.

"Hey Melina, can I ask you a question?" Randy Orton asked from his spot beside her at the row of tables.

"Randy, I swear if you ask me to go out with you one more time…"

"No, no, it's not that!" He insisted.

Ever since they had all gotten on the bus to Mexico, Orton had been harassing the poor Diva, trying to get her to be his girlfriend.

"Ok then, what is it?" She asked him.

He got a mischievous grin on his face. "Will you go out with me?"

"AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" Melina screamed, clutching her head.

"Is that a yes?" The Legend Killer asked hopefully.

"You know what Randy, fine!! If it's the only way to get you to stop harassing me, fine! I'll go out with you!!"

"WOOHOO!!!!" Orton screamed in glee, thrusting his Coke into the air and sending the liquid flying everywhere. "I promise I'll be the best boyfriend you could ever ask for!"

But someone else was not quite so happy. "Grrr… DAMNIT!!!!" That someone suddenly screamed from Melina's other side.

Everyone looked, shocked, at Kurt Angle.

The Olympic Gold Medallist had thrown his fork to the ground and stood up, and then he began a rant. "I'VE BEEN FUCKING TRYING TO GET INTO YOUR FUCKING PANTS FOR FUCKING EVER, AND YOU LET THIS FUCKING JACKASS WIN YOU OVER JUST LIKE THAT?!!!"

Melina stared dumbfounded at him. "What?"

"I BOUGHT YOU JEWELRY, I WAS NICE TO YOU, I SHOWED YOU MY POKEMON CARDS, I HUNG OUT WITH YOU, I TRIED SO HARD TO GET YOU TO BE MINE!!! HELL, I EVEN PRETENDED TO BE A CUTE, INNOCENT LITTLE SON OF A BITCH LIKE EUGENE BECAUSE I KNEW YOU'D LIKE IT, AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME!!? BY AGREEING TO GO OUT WITH RANDY FUCKING ORTON!!? WELL SCREW YOU MELINA!!" Kurt screamed.

Melina could only stare in complete and utter shock as the man she had once thought one of her best friends stormed off and sat down with a bunch of people he didn't know.

"DO YOU PEOPLE KNOW WHO I AM!!? I'M FUCKING KURT ANGLE!! I WON AN OLYMPIC FUCKING GOLD FUCKING MEDAL FOR AMERICA!! IN CASE YOU FUCKING IDIOTS DON'T FUCKING KNOW, AMERICA IS THE NICE COUNTRY NEXT TO THIS LITTLE TRASHY PIECE OF SHIT COUNTRY YOU CALL MEXICO!!! SO BUY ME SOME FUCKING FOOD!!!" He shrieked at the poor little Mexican family, all of whom looked shocked and somewhat scared.

A stunned silence swept over all the wrestlers at the restaurant.

What the hell did they all just witness?

When the family did not respond to Kurt or buy him food, he picked up his chair and hurled it in rage.

The chair couldn't have landed in a worse place; right on Kevin Thorn's plate.

Thorn just sat there for a second, covered in food, as everyone watched in anticipation.

Kevin got to his feet, seeming calm, and spoke two words very slowly. "Kurt… Angle…"

Then he exploded. "I"LL KILL YOU!!!!!"

Angle's eyes widened as the extremist charged him, and he never had a chance to fight back before Kevin grabbed him and hurled him over the side.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" The Olympic Gold Medallist screamed as he went sailing over the rail and out of everyone's sight.

They all just sat there stunned for a moment, then got up in a rush and ran to the rail.

Chris Jericho got there just in time to see a splash in the ocean far down below, most likely meaning that Angle had, in fact, missed the jagged rocks and landed in the water.

"Holy crap dude!" Christian yelled at Kevin, who was standing there looking somewhat pleased with himself.

"Get out of the way!!" Someone shouted with a thick accent.

They all turned to see a Mexican man standing there, and moved out of his way.

The heroic Mexican charged the rail and then leapt right over it, taking the plunge down to the water below.

"Double holy crap!" Christian yelled as the man crashed into the ocean and disappeared from sight for a moment, and then returned to the surface clutching an unconscious Kurt Angle.

"He's alright!!" The man screamed up to them.

"Aw damnit!!" Thorn exclaimed, prompting everyone to look at him. "What? You didn't actually think I threw him down there hoping he would be _alright _did you?"

Everyone looked back to the edge and saw the man dragging Kurt up to the nearest rock. A few people on the street by the cliff edge that led down to where they were stopped to help, and it wasn't long until Kurt and the Mexican hero were back to safety.

"Stupid fucking Mexican." Thorn muttered. "Had to save his sorry ass. He would've been dead…"

Orton rolled his eyes, and then looked to his brand new girlfriend. "Melina? You okay?"

"I can't believe Kurt would do that." She said softly. "I just can't believe it."

"Yeah I know what you mean. He had us all fooled." Randy replied, wrapping an arm around her and squeezing her shoulders.

"Well, thanks for exposing him." She said, for it was Randy, after all, who had caused the Olympic Gold Medallist to go berserk.

"You're welcome, but it's not like I did it on purpose." He replied. "I didn't know he would go psycho."

Melina was about to reply, but someone beat her to it.

"Hey lovebirds! The Rock thinks you two need to get a room!!" The Rock suddenly yelled.

"We weren't even doing anything!" Melina yelled back, turning around to face the People's Champion.

"Yeah, well The Rock still thinks you need to get a room!"

"Oh, fuck off." Orton told him, not in the mood for The Rock's crap.

"HEY!!! YOU WILL NOT SPEAK TO THE ROCK LIKE THAT!!" Rocky screamed, and earned himself an RKO.

"_Thank you!_" Melina said with extra emphasis, as she looked at the downed People's Champion.

"Damn that guy gets on my nerves. That felt good." Randy replied.

Mick Foley let out a long sigh. "Well guys, we better get outta here before we get _thrown _out…"

To late.

The waiter approached them, looking angry as could be. "_Get… Out…" _

Mick let out another sigh.

"Sorry we ruined this for you Mick…" Candice apologized.

"Aw, it's okay. It's not like it's your fault anyway…" He muttered, leading the way out.

"Hey! Shawn, we just got kicked out of a restaurant, and for once, it actually wasn't our fault!" Triple H exclaimed.

Shawn just smirked and shook his head.

Melina was about to walk down the stairs when she felt someone scoop her up.

"I told you I'd be the best boyfriend in the world, and I intend to keep that promise. Right now anyway." Randy Orton stated as he carried her down the stairs and through the street.

Melina smirked at him and rolled her eyes slightly, but was still grateful. Quite frankly, her feet hurt like hell from all the walking.

It had been a long and hard day; She had watched Jericho and Lita get kicked out of the aquarium, wandered the streets looking for good stuff to buy, been harassed by a few Mexican men, lost Kurt and had tried to find him for a long while, and finally there was the disaster with Kurt at dinner.

With the Legend Killer carrying her safely in his arms down the dark but still busy streets of Mexico and back toward their bus, Melina wanted nothing more than to fall into the land of dreams.

So that's just what she did.

A/N – Sorry D-X didn't have much of a part in this one, but I didn't have anything for them besides that little seen near the end. Hope you enjoyed:)


	30. Beach House Horror Fest

Disclaimer – I own nothing. Obviously not the movies mentioned in this chapter.

A/N – Sorry it took so long people! Thanks for all the great reviews, and to answer 2sleepy2write's question, Lita could eliminate some of the guys using hurricanranas and kicks and stuff like that. Not actually picking them up lol :) Oh and glad you guys liked the Kurt thing. When I thought of that I just had to put it in there :) Language warning, of course :)

Part 30 – Everyone "Beach House Horror Fest"

After getting booted out of the nice little seaside restaurant, the group of WWE superstars and divas had headed back to the bus, and the ride to Trish's beach house began.

By now, it was dark outside, and a large number of people had simply thrown themselves into seats not caring who they were sitting by. Some had even fallen asleep.

"Lucky bastard." Sylvan Grenier muttered, referring to his new seatmate Randy Orton, who had Melina asleep on his lap.

Orton looked at Sylvan and chuckled a bit.

"KENNEDY!!!" Someone suddenly yelled, and it wasn't exactly hard to figure out who it was.

"Will you be quiet!?" Rob Conway begged the source of the sound.

Mr. Kennedy had been saying nothing but his name since he had been taken down in the street fight, and it was starting to get on a lot of people's nerves.

"KENNEDY!!!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!" Kevin Thorn suddenly bellowed from his seat between Ariel and Rob Van Dam.

"Whoa dude, cool down a little bit." Rob told Kevin, but nevertheless, it worked. Kennedy was much more quiet after this little incident.

"Who was that screaming?" Melina asked slowly as she sat up and rubbed her eyes.

Obviously, either the extremist or the man in love with his own name had woken her up.

Maybe both.

"Who do you think?" Sylvan asked.

"Sounded like Ken and Kevin." She replied, sounding very tired.

"Right on the money." Sylvan confirmed.

Melina nodded, not at all surprised that the two of them were screaming in the middle of the night, than she simply sat there on Randy's lap, staring off into space.

"You alright there?" Randy asked after she hadn't blinked for near two minutes.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Just tired." She answered after a minute.

"Hey, jolly old saint Mick!" Jericho suddenly piped up. "When're we getting to Trish's place?"

"Not sure." Mick replied. "The best instructions Jeff gave me were, 'It's on the beach,' and Trish won't tell me anything. I think she's too tired."

"I am not to tired! I just don't want you maniacs in my house! Why don't you all understand that!?" Trish screamed suddenly.

She was ignored, and Jericho turned to glare at the younger Hardy, who sat a few rows in front of him. "You said you knew where it was!"

"I do!" Jeff exclaimed. "It's in Mexico and it's on the beach!"

"Wow Jeff, that sure helps a lot." Lita muttered sarcastically.

"Great. Just great. We're going to be driving around all the freaking night." Edge muttered.

"Hey dude, it could be worse!" Christian reminded him. "At least we have snacks and soda!"

"Yeah, I guess you're right there." Edge admitted.

"THE ROCK THINKS HE NEEDS MORE DORITOS!!!" The Rock exclaimed randomly.

"STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN THINKS THE ROCK NEEDS A FOOT UP HIS ASS!!" The Texas Rattlesnake replied.

"WHAT WAS THAT!!? DID YOU, STEVE AUSTIN, JUST THREATEN THE ROCK!!?"

"YEAH I DID, YOU SORRY SON OF A BITCH!!"

"Will you two please just SHUT THE HELL UP!!!"

Everyone looked in shock, at Torrie Wilson.

Torrie herself looked surprised as well.

Austin flipped her off.

The Rock's reply was short and to the point. "No."

Torrie sighed, and looked over to her seatmate, Rene Dupree. "Well, I tried."

Rene shrugged. "Those stupid Americans will never stop bickering." He stated in his French accent.

"Hey! I'm American, too!"

He rolled his eyes. "But you're not constantly fighting, screaming, and threatening to stick your foot up other people's rear ends, are you?"

"You got a point there." She said with a goodhearted smile, which he actually returned.

"Jeff," Candice Michelle began, "are you sure you don't know anything more about where the house is?"

"Uh… it's by the beach…"

"Yes Jeff, we already know that."

"Oh yeah. Well, let me think… um… err… it's… by the beach."

Candice sighed. This conversation was getting nowhere fast. "Never mind, Jeff. Don't hurt yourself." She said when she saw how hard he appeared to be thinking.

"It's in Mexico! That's it! It's in Mexico!!" He exclaimed a moment later, sounding proud of himself.

Candice sighed. She was beginning to see a resemblance between Jeff, Eugene, and the fake personality Kurt Angle had gone on with for so long. She hoped it was just because he was tired. Or maybe just stupid. Hell, at least he didn't act like a five year old.

"Hey Kevin, want some pot?" Rob Van Dam asked his seatmate.

Kevin Thorn raised an eyebrow. "Rob, just how much of that stuff do you have?"

Rob seemed to consider this for a moment. "I dunno." He finally replied. "It's just about all I have in my luggage, though."

Kevin's eyebrow rose again. "Clothes?"

"Not much. Mostly pot." Rob replied, obviously understanding the question.

"What about that one?" Kevin asked, pointing at the bag Rob kept his PSP in.

"PSP, pot, games for the PSP, pot, socks, pot, candy, pot, boxers, pot-"

"I get the point." Kevin cut him off.

"Cool. So do you want some?"

Kevin sighed. "Maybe later." He muttered finally.

"Ok." Rob told him, before sitting back and staring out the window.

Kevin looked at Ariel, who was sound asleep, despite all the ruckus. "Stripper." He muttered quietly.

Eddie Guerrero and Rey Mysterio were animatedly talking about various horror movies, describing each detail with gruesome description and significantly shaking up their new seatmate, Jonathon Coachman.

"Yeah esse, and when he ripped that guy's eye out, that was awesome!" Eddie said, placing a hand by his right eye and then jerking it to indicate the action.

Coach gagged.

"What's the matter holmes? Not squeamish, are you?" Eddie asked.

"No, but that's just disgusting. Movies like that are messed up." Coach replied.

"So, they're cool!" Eddie argued.

Coach rolled his eyes.

"KENNEDY!!" This time, the scream was so loud that it startled a good portion of the bus's occupants.

Kevin Thorn, who was not at all shaken by the sudden and random yell, simply got to his feet, climbed over Ariel, picked up the cash register, (Which had still been lying in the isle from when they had robbed the rest stop) walked up the isle, and whacked Kennedy in the head with it.

Kennedy slumped in his seat, apparently knocked out, so Thorn returned to his own seat.

"Hey Steph," Triple H started, "I got you a present in the town!"

Shawn just rolled his eyes.

Stephanie gave The Game a steely glare. "Did you steal it?"

Hunter blinked, and then said nothing for a moment. Finally, "No."

"If you had to think about your answer, you stole it." Stephanie said knowingly.

Hunter huffed and crossed his arms, while Shawn just shook his head. He had warned Hunter not to steal the jewelry.

Mick Foley was beginning to get agitated. He had almost no idea where he was supposed to be driving.

The beach. That was all he knew. Apparently, Jeff Hardy didn't even know what beach, and the owner of the house, Trish, wasn't talking.

After driving for about ten more minutes, he finally came to the road that lead down to the beach, but unless Jeff recognized it, he had no way to find out which house was Trish's or even if this was the right beach.

"Hey Jeff!" Mick yelled. "Come here! I need you to find the house."

Jeff headed up to the front of the bus, and instantly pointed to house, "That one."

Mick was surprised. "Really?"

The younger Hardy nodded. "Yep."

So Mick drove to the back of the house and parked.

"Oh, wait." Jeff suddenly spoke up. "This isn't it. It must be that one." He said, pointing to yet another house.

So Mick drove to the next house and parked once again.

"Wait… No. Not it. Gotta be the next one though." Jeff told him.

This continued on for a while; about eighty houses, actually.

Finally, Jeff said that he fully recognized the house, and he got out to try and open the gate and let the bus into the back.

He returned a moment later, telling them that it was padlocked and he would need the key.

Everyone looked at once at Trish.

"Oh, no." She said. "No way. Especially not after what you guys put me through. I told you all you couldn't stay here, but no, you didn't listen. Well there's no way you're getting the key."

"No problem." Kevin stated, and got out of the bus.

He opened the gate and, after Mick drove onto the property, returned a moment later with the padlock in hand.

Trish looked dumbfounded at him. "What the… How'd you-"

"Rock." He said simply.

"The Rock?" The People's Champion asked, apparently confused.

Kevin rolled his eyes. "No, dumbass. I hit the lock with a rock."

"YOU WILL NOT CALL THE ROCK A DUMBASS!!!"

Kevin ignored him completely. "Well, let's get out and go in then."

With that, everyone began to pile out of the bus, The Rock still screaming at Kevin Thorn, who just kept ignoring him, and then Trish suddenly stopped them all. "Guys, this isn't even my house."

"Bullshit." Austin stated.

"No, I'm serious. Mine's the next one down."

Mick Foley turned to stare at Jeff Hardy. "JEFF!!"

"What?"

"You gave us the wrong house!?"

"I did? Oh, wait, you're right. Trish's is the next one down. This is the house that I broke into."

"WHAT!?" Trish yelled. "I brought you to my beach house, my _beach _house, and you couldn't think of anything better to do than break into the neighbor's house!!? Jeff, what on earth is wrong with you!?"

Jeff shrugged.

Mick sighed as everyone got back on the bus and he drove down to the next house. "Ok Trish, this is really your house this time?" Mick asked.

"Yeah…" Trish muttered, defeated. Then she held out a key. "Here's the key to the padlock. I don't really need Kevin smashing it open with a rock."

"Rock?"

"Oh, shut up."

"YOU WILL NOT TELL THE ROCK TO SHUT UP!!"

Jeff took the key and handed it to Kevin, who headed out to unlock the back gate and let the bus in.

However, as Trish Stratus, The Undertaker, Jeff Hardy, and Mick Foley looked on through the windshield, Kevin did not use the key; instead he picked up a rock and bashed the lock a few times.

Trish groaned.

Kevin opened the gates, Mick drove in, and Kevin shut the gates behind them, then headed up to the door and waited for everyone to get off.

When Trish reached Thorn, she yelled, "Kevin, what the hell!? I gave you the damn key so you _wouldn't _break the lock open!"

Kevin just looked at her. "I know."

"So then why did you hit it with that rock!?"

"I felt like destroying something."

"You already destroyed the neighbors lock!"

"So?"

Trish placed her hands on her head and let out a, "Grrr…" to keep herself from screaming, before unlocking the door and leading the way into the house.

Everyone was quick to get accustomed, and it wasn't long before some of them were fighting over spaces in the living room, which had sliding glass doors that gave people in that room a view of the ocean.

They weren't fighting for the view though; they were fighting because that was the room that held the TV.

Randy Orton was quick to dive onto the couch, claiming it for himself and Melina.

Jericho dove for one of the armchairs, and Lita jumped on top him, making sure to take up all the room on the piece of furniture so that no one else would try to squeeze in.

Stone Cold took the second armchair, and no one was very quick to order _him_ to get out.

Trish was about to demand that someone get up and give her a comfortable place to sit, but then she realized that they wouldn't give a damn that it was _her _house.

Now that they were in, she had nothing to hold over them.

Plus, some of them, if angered, might destroy her stuff.

With a sigh, she headed off for the bedroom, wondering what their reaction would be when they found out that the TV didn't get any channels.

Eh, they'd probably just put on a movie. Trish had plenty of videos in the drawers by the television, along with a DVD player and several DVDs.

Some of them had probably packed their own movies, too.

Let them watch what they wanted and fall asleep where they wanted, as long as no one interfered with her sleep, and Trish would be happy.

Sort of.

She at least intended to get a good nights sleep, so she flopped down on the bed and closed her eyes.

It wasn't long before someone barged into her room asking for pillows and blankets so they could comfortably sit or lie on the floor, so Trish told them to take the stuff off the spare bed.

Someone else came after them, and then a few more people came and bothered her, until Trish gave up and handed over everything but the mattress she was lying on.

Great. Now she had no pillow.

Not to mention that it got damn cold at night; without a blanket, she would probably freeze.

Stupid assholes.

Meanwhile, in the other room…

Kevin Thorn let out a sigh, before laying out the sleeping bag he had brought with him on the floor by Rob Van Dam.

"Hey dude! Cool sleeping bag!" Rob exclaimed, referring to the red and black patterns and designs on the outside of Kevin's sleeping bag.

Kevin just nodded, before sitting down on the sleeping bag and staring at the blank TV.

"So, what are we doing?" He asked after a moment.

"I dunno, I think we're going to watch a horror movie that Eddie brought, but not till everybody gets settled."

"Which could take hours." Kevin muttered, glancing over at The Rock, who was demanding a spot on the couch with Orton and Melina.

"Yeah pretty much." Rob replied. "Wanna make a fort?"

Kevin looked at him and blinked, rolled his eyes, then sighed. "Oh, why the hell not?"

"Cool!" Rob exclaimed, and the two set to work on using their bed materials (And some of Trish's) to build a sort of fort around them.

"What the hell are Rob and Kevin doing?" Jericho asked Lita when he saw them.

Lita looked over and smirked. "It looks like they're building a fort." She said with a small snicker.

Jericho snickered as well. "What's next? Are they going to put a 'No Girls Allowed' sign on the door?"

Lita smirked again. "I doubt it, but at least we know they're not gay or anything. Rob probably just bugged Kevin into doing it."

Jericho laughed. "Hehe. Doing it."

Lita smacked him. "No Chris, not that! I just meant building the fort, sicko!"

"I know, I know. They're just like a couple of ten year olds having a sleepover."

"Well, I don't quite think Kevin could pass as a ten year old." Lita told him. "At least not with the mouth he's got on him."

"I don't know, some ten year olds can be pretty vulgar…" Chris muttered, and both of them laughed.

"Hey! Are you guys building a fort! I want to help!" A female voice suddenly exclaimed, and Rob and Kevin looked up to see Maria standing there with a big smile on her face.

"Ok!" Rob said, sounding as eager as a little kid. "Get your bed stuff!"

"Is there room for one more?" Another voice asked. "Jeff ditched me to sleep on the shelf over there, and you guys look like you're having fun."

_The shelf?_ Kevin thought, looking where the new person, Candice, had pointed. Sure enough, the younger Hardy had pulled himself up onto a thin shelf about seven feet above the ground, and he was currently setting up a place to sleep up there. Huh.

"Sure Candice!" Rob told her, then repeated his message to Maria. "Just get your bed stuff!"

Kevin was looking at Rob with an eyebrow raised, but he said nothing. He only hoped Rob didn't allow anyone else into their 'fort', especially not any of the guys. Otherwise it would be much to jammed.

Kevin didn't particularly want to sleep very close to any guys, either. There were some of them that he just didn't trust…

He shuddered.

Maria might be annoying sometimes, but at least she was a woman. Kevin had never really interacted with Candice, nor had he heard her speak enough to figure out her personality.

By the time their fort was finished, it was an odd mix of dark and creepy colors and patterns, and bright girly colors and patterns.

Kevin somehow found himself underneath a pink blanket, and groaned out loud.

Well, at least the movie would be starting shortly. Hopefully.

Finally, Kevin heard Eddie Guerrero's voice loudly interrupt everyone's conversations.

"Alright, who's ready to watch a movie!?"

Several people cheered, others stayed silent, and most simply said, "me!" Or, "yeah!"

"Well ok then! Rey-Rey, put on the DVD!"

Rey did as he was told, and Kevin was pleased when he saw the title of the movie.

_Saw II. _

He liked that movie. He liked all of the Saw's, actually.

Some of the girls looked scared though. This should be fun.

No one even noticed that both members of D-Generation X were missing.

"This guy is insane!" Melina whispered to Randy after the movie had been going for a while.

"Yep." Randy replied, somewhat surprised that she was still awake and watching intently.

Lita smiled. "Horror movies are the best."

"You don't have to tell me twice." Jericho muttered, as he watched the screen.

Rob Van Dam was sitting with his legs crossed in their fort, drinking a Mountain Dew, and watching the screen with an excited look on his face.

Next to Rob, Maria was cringing in terror.

Rob didn't really seem to notice.

Also in the fort, Kevin was leaning up against the back wall they had built up against a piece of furniture and using pillows. He had a smirk on his face, but his expression was frequently changing from his small smile to a look of surprise, because Candice kept grabbing his arm, apparently terrified.

Each time, she grabbed on tighter, and each time, her fingernails left new marks on Kevin's arm. He was almost sure that if this continued, she would draw blood.

He couldn't quite figure out how she got comfort from grabbing him, either. Wasn't he supposed to be scary?

By the time the movie was over, many of the wrestlers were asleep, and those who weren't decided what to put on next.

"How about _Texas Chainsaw Massacre_?" Eddie asked.

"No!" Maria exclaimed at once.

"Too gory Eddie, too gory." Rey told his friend. "Let's put on _The Shining_. That's creepy but not to bad, I don't think."

Eddie shrugged. "Alright esse, you win."

The movie hadn't been going thirty minutes when Kevin felt Candice gripping his arm again, as if she were holding on for her life.

He turned to her. "It's not even scary yet."

"I know… But I'm still really creeped out from the last one. I keep thinking that guy is gonna come and kidnap me like he did all those other people. Then I'll have to go through something horrible or die like they did." She admitted.

"He's not real." Kevin told her.

"I know, but it's just… Never mind. I probably sound stupid to someone like you, huh? Someone who's not afraid of anything."

_Someone who's not afraid of anything. _Good. That meant she thought he was strong and brave, which was at least part of his personality that was important to him.

But she didn't seem afraid of him… Oh well.

"If he comes to get you, I'll snap his neck." He told her.

He was genuinely surprised at her reaction to this comment. "Thanks. That makes me feel much safer. I'm still scared, though."

"Well that's the point of scary movies, isn't it?" He asked.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." She replied with a small laugh, before getting back to watching the movie.

"Melina, are you still awake?" Randy asked the woman who was currently lying on him.

"Uh-huh." She replied.

"Jeez. You were so tired you fell asleep while I was carrying you after dinner, and now you're wide awake."

She shrugged. "I just wanted that day to be over with. Now that I've slept a little bit, it feels like it was a long time ago, so I figured I'd stay up to watch the movies."

He smirked. "Scared?"

"A little bit." She admitted.

"I'll protect you."

"From what?"

"I don't know, whatever you're afraid of."

"The TV screen?"

"Yeah!"

"You're a dork, Randy."

He laughed a bit, then, "Hey!"

"What?'

"I don't know, I forgot already."

"God, you _are _a dork."

"Hey!"

She giggled and continued watching the movie.

After _The Shining _was over, many of the divas were thoroughly creeped out.

Eddie wanted to put on _Texas Chainsaw Massacre_, but everyone else fought against this idea, so he ended up putting on a videotape of Wrestlemania 3.

Randy smiled as he watched King Kong Bundy beat up a midget, and smiled even more when he saw Melina's expression. "You never saw Wrestlemania 3?"

"No, I don't think so." She replied. "Just Randy Savage vs. Ricky Steamboat and Hulk Hogan vs. Andre the Giant."

He yawned. "Well, enjoy. I've already seen it, so I'm going to sleep. Night."

"Good night Randy." She told him as he closed his eyes.

Rob Van Dam just kept sitting there with that excited expression on his face, drinking seemingly endless cans of soda.

Maria, who had been crying during _The Shining_, now seemed much less scared, and soon fell asleep.

Kevin had already seen Wrestlemania 3 before, but he found himself waiting for Candice to fall asleep before let himself.

It was as if he had an obligation to keep her safe from her own fears, which he couldn't do when he was asleep and she was awake.

Damnit. That was compassion. He was spending way too much time around half decent people.

For the second time that night, he found himself thinking, _oh well._

Then he saw her eyes closed, and when they didn't open within a few minutes, he allowed himself to fall asleep, too.

"Hey Shawn," Triple H asked his friend. "Tell me again why we're wandering the beach in the middle of the night?"

"I don't know! It was your idea!" Shawn exclaimed.

Hunter frowned. "Oh yeah…"

A/N - Well, there ya go! Hope you all enjoyed!


	31. Bash at the Beach

Disclaimer – I own nothing.

A/N – Well, here we go again! Thanks everyone for the great reviews! Language warning, and this one has a part that's a little screwed up in it :) Hope you all enjoy!

Part 31 – Everyone "Bash at the Beach"

"Kevin… Kevin…"

Kevin Thorn opened his eyes, only to find that the face of Rob Van Dam was disturbingly close to his own.

His eyes instantly bulged, although he didn't jump or yell in surprise.

"What the hell!?" Kevin exclaimed.

"Oh, cool, your awake! Come on, get Candice up and get your swimsuit, or whatever vampires wear in the water! We're all gonna head down to the beach and have a blast! Probably like a huge wrestling match or something like that! So come on! Hurry up and get up!"

Rob then sprinted off into another room, presumably getting into his own swimsuit.

Typical RVD. He would get up early, get excited about something, and wake Kevin up to tell him about it. Actually, Kevin wasn't the only one who suffered when Rob got up early, but he probably got the worst of it.

90 percent of the time, he would have rather stayed asleep. Although, this _was_ better than the time that Rob had barged into his hotel room and set off a firecracker.

Kevin groaned and tried to raise his hands to rub his eyes, only to find one arm trapped.

He looked down.

Candice Michelle.

She was practically sleeping _on _him, snuggled up so close he nearly cried out in shock.

However, what appalled him the most was that he found that his arm, the trapped one, was wrapped _around _her. Her head and the back of her neck were what was keeping it stuck.

Then, before he could ponder this predicament any further, he heard a voice, and was blinded by a flash. "Aw… You two look so cute…"

"AH!! What the hell was that!?" He all but shouted, shielding his eyes.

Upon lowering his arm, Kevin saw Maria standing there with a digital camera.

Then a second flash.

"AH!! Hey!! Stop that! No!!" He yelled, obviously much to late.

Maria walked away, probably to get herself ready to go out to the beach, and Kevin was left lying there stunned.

Damnit. He was supposed to be the cold and heartless bastard of the group of Superstars, and now there was evidence that he had been… been… _snuggling _with a girl.

How did his arm get around her, anyway? It must have happened in his sleep. He hated not being able to control his actions.

_Click._

Kevin looked up to see Lita, Jericho, Randy, and Melina standing there in bathing suits. The girls had disposable cameras.

_Click. _

"DAMNIT QUIT TAKING PICTURES OF ME!!!" He screamed, and Candice bolted up, startled.

"What!? Huh!? What's going on!?"

"We caught Kevin here with his arm around you…" Jericho told her in a taunting voice.

Kevin quietly growled a death threat at Y2J.

"Well, come on guys! We got the pictures, let's go!" Melina exclaimed, and the four headed out the sliding glass doors.

"I'm gonna fucking MURDER them!" Kevin raged, getting to his feet.

"Why?" Candice asked him. "I think it's kinda sweet that you had your arm around me, actually…"

His eyes bulged. "Sweet…? SWEET!? OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!! I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF!!!"

He stormed out in a rage, yelling obscenities about sweetness, compassion, and insane women.

Candice looked after him for a moment with one eyebrow raised, then shrugged and surveyed what remained of their fort.

Her eyes widened significantly when she saw the amount of soda cans that littered the blankets and pillows where Rob had been; she counted thirty-six.

He must have been up all night!

It wasn't long before almost everyone had gotten into some kind of bathing suit, and they were all down at the beach.

Enormous waves were swamping certain parts of the beach, but other parts were well above the water level.

There were a few places where the land led upward, until it formed a small Cliffside overlooking the sea.

One of these cliffs was about ten feet above the water, another was about twenty, and another still kept going up and out until it was probably between forty and fifty feet above the sea.

Many of the guys saw these cliffs as perfect places to throw people off of, and since falling off would result in landing in the ocean, it was likely that no one would be seriously hurt.

"Ladies and gentleman," Lillian started, looking like she was trying not to laugh, "the following is a free for all match scheduled for… uh… I guess _free_-falls." She said, instead of the unusual 'One-fall' match type as she looked at the cliff.

Several people snickered at this.

They had all got Lillian to do a bit of announcing before they began their 'match', just because they thought it would be fun.

"Uh… Ding ding ding!!" Lillian yelled with a laugh, imitating the ring bell.

At once, everyone began grabbing at each other, executing various moves into the ocean and on the sand.

Sylvan Grenier and Rob Conway double-teamed Rene Dupree, attempting to drag him up to the edge of the twenty-foot cliff so they could throw him off.

Batista grabbed the nearest person to him, Christian, and hoisted him up onto his shoulders in position for the Batista Bomb.

"Oh not cool dude!!" Christian yelled as he tried to get away, but to no avail.

The Animal pulled off the Power-Bomb, dropping Captain Charisma back-first into the sand.

Melina staggered forward into Randy Orton's back when someone ran into her from behind, and felt herself being lifted into the air on top of him.

"Whoa!!"

John Cena had hoisted both Randy and Melina onto his shoulders at the same time (Melina lying across Randy's back), and was now heading for one of the cliffs.

"Oh god! John, put me down!!" Melina yelled when she realized that Cena was intending to FU both of them off the cliff at the same time.

However, before John could reach the cliff, Edge charged him and delivered a Spear.

Cena went down backward into the ocean, which sent both Randy and Melina flying off his shoulders and into the water.

The Rated-R Superstar stood there smiling for a moment, before Jericho attacked him from behind and executed a bulldog.

Mr. Kennedy had Matt Hardy in a Fireman's carry (FU position) across his shoulders, and was making his way up the fifty-foot cliff.

"JEFF!! HELP!!!" Matt yelled, and the younger of the Hardy boys came running at Kennedy.

Seeing Jeff chasing him, Kennedy began to run, and when he reached the top of the cliff, he jumped off and did a front flip, landing in the ocean on the back of his neck with Matt Hardy still on his shoulders.

"HOLY CRAP!!" Randy Orton yelled when he came up from beneath the water and saw Kennedy delivering his finishing move to Matt Hardy, and taking a fifty-foot plunge in the process.

"DOUBLE HOLY CRAP!!" He yelled a moment later, when Jeff Hardy jumped off the cliff as well.

Kennedy was just resurfacing and trying to gain his bearings when Jeff hit him with a fifty-foot Swanton Bomb that practically destroyed both of them.

"They're crazy!" Melina exclaimed as she came up beside Randy.

"Yep." He replied, and then got a mischievous glint in his eye as he looked at her.

"What…?" She asked slowly.

He smiled.

"Randy what the- AHH!!" She yelled as he grabbed and military pressed her.

Still smiling, Randy walked further out in the ocean before he threw her.

"WAH!!!!!" Melina yelled, as the Legend Killer threw her into the sea.

When she came up a moment later, she wiped her eyes and searched for him. "You're dead Orton!" She yelled when she saw Randy, and then began chasing him.

"AHH!!!" Someone screamed, and many of the wrestlers and divas looked up in time to see Kevin Thorn Crucifix Power-Bombing Jonathon Coachman off the fifty-foot cliff.

Then there was another scream, and heads turned the in other direction, where The Undertaker was Last-Riding Candice Michelle off the twenty-foot high ledge.

All eyes were wide, and most of the group was legitimately shocked when Candice came up out of the water laughing and saying it was fun.

Coach's reaction to Kevin's Power-bomb was somewhat different though; he came up crying.

"Uh… Maybe we should do something else…" Lillian said when she saw how red Coach's back was.

"Why? Who cares if Coach got hurt?" Jericho asked.

"Well, I don't care about Coach, but I wanna go look for crabs and stuff." Rob Van Dam told everyone.

"Hey! Can we join the party!?" A loud voice piped up before Rob had walked away.

Everyone turned, and saw MVP, Sabu, The Sandman, Test, and Tommy Dreamer standing there, carrying a load of beach-gear. (Like surfboards and goggles)

"What the-?" Jericho asked when he saw them. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Apparently, they ditched McMahon too. I ran into them in the strip-club where I found Ariel." Kevin informed everyone. "Hey, didn't you guys have that 'Hurricane' freak with you?"

"Helms?" Test asked.

"Yeah that's his name." Kevin replied.

"Well, we did," Tommy began, "But he was acting weird, so we ditched him."

"Oh."

"Yeah. So what are you guys doing?" Dreamer asked.

"Well, I was just about to go look for sea-creatures! You know, like crabs and stuff! You guys want to come?" Rob asked them.

"Sure, why not?" Sandman replied, taking a beer out of a pocket in his swim trunks and opening it.

So Rob and the group of guys who had just shown up headed off to find some tide pools, leaving everyone else standing there.

"I wanna build a sand castle!!" Maria suddenly exclaimed. "John, will you help me?"

Cena smirked and shrugged. "Sure."

It wasn't long until everyone was off doing their own thing, and only one of them was not down at the beach.

"Ah… Now this is the life…" Mick Foley said happily to himself as he lie down on the couch and watched an old comedy in Trish's house.

It wasn't until he looked to the right and out the sliding glass doors that he saw the comedy going on _outside_.

It was just like watching one of those old silent movies, because he couldn't hear anyone down there, but could see what they were doing.

As Mick Foley looked on, Chris Jericho snuck across the beach and dumped a bucketful of water on Kevin Thorn, who had been sitting and gazing out at the ocean.

Kevin got up, probably screaming curses, Mick guessed, and chased Jericho across the beach until they were both out of the 'screen'. (Meaning they had both run off to the side, where Mick couldn't see them through the doors)

A moment later they both came back into his view, and both appeared to be running away from someone else.

Trish Stratus.

They must have run into her or something.

Mick cracked up when he realized what he had just seen. It was like classic old school comedy. Maybe a cartoon.

Guy pulls a prank on another guy. Second guy chases the prankster off the screen. Both guys come running back onto the screen being chased by a third, bigger, scarier guy.

In this case, the prankster was Chris Jericho, the guy who got pranked and chased the prankster was Kevin Thorn, and the big scary guy who chased them both was Trish Stratus.

Mick shook his head and continued laughing.

"Hey little fishy… Want some beer?" The Sandman asked as he looked into one of the tide pools.

He tipped the can until some beer was about to poor out, then jerked it back to an upright position. "WELL TO DAMN BAD 'CAUSE YOU AINT GETTIN' ANY!!!" He screamed.

MVP just looked at him and shook his head.

"Whoa… Sabu, look at that thingy!" Rob Van Dam exclaimed as he pointed into the tide pool he and Sabu were sitting by.

Sabu's eyes glistened as he saw what Rob was talking about. A colorful, spiny sea urchin.

He reached his hand into the pool to touch it, but when his hand got there, one of the spines poked him.

Sabu jerked his hand back out in surprise, then got a crazy look in his eye.

With a cry of primal rage, the homicidal, suicidal, genocidal one reached both hands into the pool and jerked the urchin out, attempting to strangle it.

One of the problems with this was that it kept poking him, but the main problem was that it had no neck, or anything that even resembled a head for that matter.

"GAHH!!!" Sabu screamed when his choking wasn't working. Instead, he threw the urchin to the ground and stomped on it.

He wasn't wearing shoes.

Sabu let out another scream and began jumping around on one leg, while Rob just nudged the urchin back into the water and sat there watching.

When he pushed the small creature back into the pool, Rob Van Dam made sure to use a seashell instead of making direct contact with it, so he wouldn't suffer the same fate as his very strange friend.

"So Chris, do you think we'll ever actually get back to our jobs? You know, wresting?" Lita asked.

"Well, if so, it'll probably have to be TNA or something like that. Vinnie Mac's probably already hired the entire Russian Mafia to 'make us disappear.'" Jericho replied.

She chuckled. "Yeah, you're probably right… AHH!!!"

Someone had just thrown a freezing cold bucket of water on them.

"That'll teach you not to dump water on me, ya lousy bastard!" Came the voice of Kevin Thorn.

Jericho's entire body shivered. "W-w-where the h-h-hell did you g-g-get water that c-c-cold? The o-o-ocean's not that bad!!"

"I used bottled water from Trish's refrigerator." Kevin told them.

"You did WHAT!!?" A voice behind him yelled.

"Oh shit." Kevin muttered, then turned around to face a very angry Trish Stratus. "I…uh…"

"YOU IDIOT!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DRINK IF YOU DUMP ALL THE DAMN WATER ON THESE TWO!!? DO YOU WANT TO DRINK FROM THE TAP!!? 'CAUSE YOU KNOW THAT'S NOT EXACTLY SMART WHEN YOU'RE IN MEXICO!!!!" She screamed.

He blinked, and then smirked. "I drink blood anyway."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, BULLSHIT KEVIN!!! You drink blood!? Then why don't you have some!?" She yelled at him, holding out her arm and revealing a cut that was probably from one of the rocks.

"No, that's ok…" He muttered.

"Yeah, Kevin, you're a big, bad vampire alright!!" Trish told him sarcastically. "More like a crying little bitch!"

With that, she stormed off, muttering that she needed to get the first aid kit to bandage her cut.

Kevin was standing there in complete and utter shock, while Jericho started laughing. "_Trish Stratus_," He used extra emphasis on the name, "just called _Kevin Thorn _a crying little bitch, and got away with it!?"

Kevin turned around, and the ranting started. "DAMNIT WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING TO ME!? I'M HANGING OUT WITH A BUNCH OF FREAKING RETARDED CHIMPANZEES, (He looked right at Jericho) I ACTUALLY _HAVEN'T_ TRIED TO KILL ANYONE SINCE ANGLE, CANDICE CALLED ME _SWEET_, AND NOW THIS!!! I'VE SAID IT BEFORE; I'LL SAY IT AGAIN!! SOMEBODY'S GOING TO DIE!!! I'LL FUCKING WASTE HER WATER AS MUCH AS I DAMN WELL PLEASE!! NOBODY CALLS ME A CRYING LITTLE BITCH!! I'M GONNA TIE HER UP AND MAKE HER WATCH WHILE I _EAT_ HER ENTIRE FUCKING FAMILY!!"

Lita and Jericho just stared at him for a moment

"_Eat _her family? Kevin, don't you think that's a little extreme?" Lita finally asked.

"They did it on _South Park_, except without tying anyone up."

"Yes, but this isn't _South Park_, and you're not Eric Cartman."

Kevin glared at her. "I'M EATING HER FAMILY, AND THAT'S FINAL!!"

Jericho laughed. "Well Lita, I don't think there's any persuading him not to do it. Hope they taste good, Kevin."

"Whatever…" Kevin muttered as he walked off.

Lita and Chris exchanged a glance. Both of them knew that there was no chance in hell that Kevin was really going to eat Trish's family.

They still thought he was crazy for saying it, though.

"So…" Jericho began. "How long do you think it'll be before he starts hanging around Candice again?"

Lita smiled. "Probably about five minutes."

They both laughed.

"Poor Kevin." Chris muttered after a minute.

"Yep, poor, poor Kevin. He knows he likes us all, even if he won't admit it, and it's driving him crazy." Lita said quietly, still smiling.

"You think he'll ever give in?" Jericho asked.

She looked at him. "Probably not, but that just makes it more fun for us."

He smiled. "It sure does."

Both of them knew that Kevin wasn't really going to eat Trish's family, but neither of them could even imagine what exactly he _was _going to do.

Mick Foley, who had fallen asleep on the couch, never noticed the hand that was fishing around in his pocket, nor did he notice, until he woke up later, that the keys to the van were missing.

It was almost sundown when an enormous crash from the beach house got everyone's attention. Even the people who had wandered a ways down the beach and were looking in the tide pools had been able to hear it.

Wondering what the hell had just happened, almost everyone ran up to the beach house.

When they got there, they all got the shock of a lifetime.

Lying on the couch in the living room, (the room with the sliding glass doors) looking like he had just been sleeping a minute ago, was Mick Foley.

Directly behind the couch, no more than a foot, was their van.

_In the living room._

There was a van-sized hole in each of the walls all the way from the back entrance to the house, although the van itself did not seem to be damaged too badly.

"The Rock doesn't think the van is supposed to be parked _inside _the house…"

"No shit, sherlock."

"HEY!! YOU WILL NOT CALL THE ROCK SHERLOCK!!!"

Everyone, even The Rock, was silenced when they saw the door to the van open, and Kevin Thorn came out.

Like the van, Kevin didn't look _too_ beaten up.

"Well, now we know how he decided to get back at Trish." Jericho commented. "He didn't eat her family, he just destroyed her house."

Randy Orton heard this and turned to his girlfriend. "Melina, remind me _never _to piss Kevin off, ok?"

"Yeah…" She agreed, surveying the damage.

It was then that Trish herself entered. "What on earth…? WHO DID THIS!!?" She demanded.

"Kevin." A couple people said at once.

"KEVIN YOU PSYCHOPATH!!! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING!!? WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THIS!!?"

Kevin, who hadn't spoken since exiting the van, smirked. "I decided to make you a garage."

A/N – For the people who haven't seen it, there actually was an episode of _South Park _where Cartman made a kid eat his family. (Well, his parents) Hope you all enjoyed!


	32. Déjà vu

Disclaimer – I own nothing 

A/N – Well, here we go again! Before we get started with this one, I'd just like to take a moment to thank everyone who has read and reviewed this story so far. Thanks guys, it really means a lot :)

Part 32 – Everyone "Déjà vu"

"That. Is. It." Trish Stratus stated very slowly, as she looked at what Kevin Thorn had just done to her house with the help of a van. "You think this is _funny_, you lousy son of a bitch!? Making me a _garage_!? You're going to regret this, in just a minute actually. And not just you Kevin, you're all gonna pay."

She pulled out her cell phone, and began to dial.

A few seconds later, she began speaking. "Hi Vince, this is Trish Stratus. Yes I do realize we all sort of ditched you. Mick Foley made us. He and The Undertaker wouldn't let us off the bus. We're in Mexico, at my beach house. No I don't know anything about ten thousand pizzas being delivered to the WWE Headquarters. (Triple H was trying not to laugh) Yeah, the ECW guys are here too. Yep, even Thorn. Victoria? No, we haven't seen her. She ditched too?" Trish paused for few moments before speaking again "Oh, someone found her? She lit all the papers in your office on fire!? You've gotta be kidding me! Jeez. Ok. We'll be waiting for you. Yeah, I think they'll all be ready to continue the road trip, with a little persuasion. All right, cool. Thanks. Bye-bye."

Everyone just stared at Trish. After everything they had been through, she had just ruined everything by calling Vince McMahon.

"Bitch." Jericho said simply after a moment.

"Call me whatever you want, Jericho, but your little game is over. Vince says the road trip is back on, only now you're going to be traveling all over the world!! I guess that's his way of punishing you. He said that since I 'ratted you guys out' I don't have to participate. Several other people might not have to either, if they haven't angered him too badly."

Several people groaned, others didn't seem to think traveling worldwide would be that bad.

But then Trish got an evil smile. "You guys want to know the catch? He's sending out several helicopters to pick everyone up. The helicopters will take everyone back to the USA, and he'll have vehicles waiting. He's going to sort you idiots into new groups, he says you'll hate them, and then assign you to new vehicles."

"Pssh… He already tried that bullshit before, and look where it got him!" Hunter yelled.

"Yeah, and who says we're going to cooperate?" Jericho demanded. "We could just refuse to get into the helicopters!"

Trish smirked. "You do that, he's not only going to fire you, but put out a warrant for your arrest."

"I pretty damn sure there's already a warrant out for our arrest, after the convenience store and the border thing." Hunter said, and Shawn nodded.

Trish's smile never wavered. "He says he was already called about that, and he can get you all out of it. But if you don't get in the helicopters and follow his orders, not only will he not get everyone out of it, but he'll tell the police you're all terrorists who were trying to hide out in Mexico. That'll be enough to get the military sent after your sorry asses."

Everyone seemed to ponder this for a moment.

Then Jericho spoke a sentence that shocked them. "Looks like the old fart's finally got us."

"I'm not giving up. Not after all this shit. If I don't get thrown in the slammer for crashing the bus through the wall or trying to kill Angle, I'll get arrested for what I did to the parking lot before I headed out!" Kevin Thorn exclaimed.

Jericho smiled. "Hey, I never said I was giving up. I just said he's got us. I didn't say we couldn't get out. In order to stay out of jail though, we're gonna have to go along with this. At least, part of it, anyway."

Kevin nodded, silently agreeing.

"No getting out of this one, Jericho. You're all trapped between a rock and a hard place. It's just too damn bad you all decided to piss me off so much, or this never would've happened. I put up with you all in the van, and I actually let you into my beach house, but this is where I draw the line." Trish said, gesturing to the van in her living room. "I'm just sorry it had to come to this."

Jericho looked at her. "Oh I'm sorry, too. Believe me, I'm damn sorry. But I'm not sorry for anything we did, and I'm sure as hell not sorry that Kevin destroyed your fancy little beach house. I'm just sorry you called Vince and got us roped into another road trip."

"Yeah, well you should be. Now you're all gonna have to travel worldwide, and probably with someone you don't like!"

Jericho shook his head. "That's still not what I was talking about, _Trishy baby._ See, you may have gotten revenge on us by telling Vince, but you really should have thought things over better. Knowing Vince, it'll take him a while to get everything going; the copters probably won't be here till late tomorrow morning."

Trish narrowed her eyes "Yeah, so?"

He looked at the clock. 7:00 P.M. "That leaves you, the prison snitch, in with the inmates for a good 15 hours."

Now Trish's eyes widened.

She was in deep shit this time.

The next morning, everyone awoke to an incredibly loud sound; most likely the blades of a helicopter.

All of them, excluding Trish, who was tied up in the closet and covered in toilet water, headed outside through the enormous hole in the wall to check it out.

Yep. There was one of Vince's helicopters.

One of the pilots extended a rope ladder and yelled, using a loud speaker, "You're all going to have to climb up! We can't land down here! This copter can hold about 10 people, plus us, if we squeeze in. More will come to get the rest of you!"

"Well guys, I guess we're going on a new trip." Jericho said, before being the first to climb the ladder into what seemed like their flying prison.

Lita followed suit a minute later, and more climbed up after her.

The helicopter flew away after it had gathered it's ten Superstars and Divas; Chris Jericho, Lita, Randy Orton, Melina, Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Stephanie McMahon, Jeff Hardy, Candice Michelle, and Kevin Thorn.

The flight, despite being somewhat long, was silent. Sadness filled the air; they all seemed to sense that the fun they'd had ditching Vince was over.

When the helicopter finally landed down, it was in an enormous lot filed with various vehicles.

Vincent Kennedy McMahon stood waiting for them, a smile plastered on his face.

"Welcome back!" He yelled, a sarcastic tone in his voice.

Everyone was silent, even Stephanie.

"What's the matter? Not your usual selves today? Are you all just mad that I finally caught you?"

"Nah, just a little disappointed, Vince." Jericho told him. "So we're going on another trip, huh?"

"Yes indeed. I'm going to make you all regret what you pulled. But I can't give you the rules, teams, and vehicles just yet. We've got to wait for everyone else, so just sit tight for a few moment."

"I hope I'm not with Stone Cold or something…" Melina whispered to Randy, who just nodded, having had the experience of being Steve's partner in the previous road trip.

While the others were talking or looking at the vehicles, Vince pulled Kevin Thorn aside.

"So Kevin," He began. "Who, out of all the people who were on the little 'trip' with you, do you hate the most? You know, someone you just want to _kill_."

Kevin pondered his answer a moment, and was about to say Trish Stratus, when he realized what Vince was doing. "Her." He lied, pointing at Candice Michelle.

"Candice?" Vince asked.

"Yeah. She's annoying." Kevin told him.

"Well ok then!" Vince said, writing something on a clipboard. "That's all I needed to know."

It didn't take long for the rest of the helicopters to arrive, and when they were all there, Vince was about to begin his speech, before noticing something.

"Hey, where's Trish?" He asked the group.

"We left her tied up in Mexico." Jericho replied, as if it was no big deal.

"You WHAT!!?"

"Left her tied up in Mexico." Randy answered.

"DAMNIT!! NOW I HAVE TO SEND ONE OF THE COPTERS BACK TO GET HER!! WHY DIDN'T ONE OF YOU IDIOTS SAY SOMETHING WHEN YOU WERE STILL THERE!!?" Vince screamed.

"She ratted us out." Edge answered, sounding bored.

Vince groaned. "I have NEVER and I do mean NEVER had a worse behaved WWE roster than you all!" He told them.

"Why thank you." Cena said.

"Ugh. Alright, one of you guys take your copter back and get Trish Stratus!" Vince yelled at the pilots, before turning back to the group of superstars.

"Ok you bunch of degenerates, here's what's gonna happen. Like before, I've separated you all into groups and given each group a vehicle." He said, holding up the clipboard. "However, this time, you are going to be traveling all over the world going to as many countries as possible. In order to prove you've been to the country, I've had these little devices specially made." He held up a small electronic… thing that sort of looked like a PDA. "When you visit a new country or providence or whatever, simply type the name into this device. It's been programmed to register your location in the world, and if you are actually at the place you typed, it will record data saying you've been there."

By now, everyone was looking at him with bewildered looks on their faces.

"Uh… I think I need an example." Christian said.

Vince frowned a bit. "Alright, say you're in Toronto, Canada. You take out your device, and enter 'Toronto Canada.' If you're actually there, it will record the data. If you're not really there, it won't."

"And how exactly does it know where we are?" Lita asked.

"HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW!? I PAYED PEOPLE TO MAKE IT, I DIDN'T CREATE THE DAMN THING ALL BY MYSELF!!"

Everyone just looked at him like he was crazy, and rightfully so.

"And why would we _want_ to record where we've been?" Cena asked.

"I'm getting to that, so if you'll just SHUT THE HELL UP, I'll tell you." Vince replied. "Anyway, your goal will be to visit as many places as you possibly can. There is no time limit, but just know that the team who returns with proof they visited the most places _might _get a reward. The team who gets homesick early and comes crawling back having visited the least amount of places will be FIRED!!!"

Everyone looked around at each other. They couldn't for the life of them figure out _why _their ridiculous excuse for a boss was making them do this. If he wanted to punish them, he could juts suspend them or something.

The Smackdown, Raw, and ECW ratings had probably already dropped below zero with guys like Scotty 2 Hotty main-eventing the shows, and now Vince was making them do _this!? _

This was going to take forever! On top of everything else, he said the losing team would be 'FIRED!!!'

What if the losing team consisted of the best wrestlers of all!?

Yep, Vince McMahon had officially lost his mind. If he ever had it in the first place, anyway.

"So, does everyone understand so I can show you the list?" Their maniac of a boss asked.

"Yeah, just one more thing." Christian said. "You said that when we're all done, we have to come back here. Where exactly _is_ here?"

"Las Vegas you idiot. Ok, now here is the list. If you're name's not on it, you're not included and I'll have a different punishment for you. Oh and as for you people on this list, depending on how angry I am with you, you may or may not be with friends. I'm also adding in a few other people I'm pissed off at. You all have to stick together; no losing members of your group. And of course, no taking planes from the airport, or you'll regret it. Trust me."

With that, he handed the list to his daughter. "Yes Stephanie, you're being punished too. Pass the list on when you're done."

It wasn't long until everyone had gotten to look at the list, and many of them were already dreading this trip.

Kevin Thorn, however, smirked. He had tricked his boss into putting him with his favorite person in the group of Superstars and Divas.

Here are the new groups and vehicles –

Stephanie McMahon & Rob Van Dam – Fancy convertible (Red)

Kevin Thorn & Candice Michelle – Normal car (Blue)

Sylvan Grenier, Rob Conway, & Rene Dupree – Normal car (Purple)

Randy Orton & Triple H – Roller Blades

Melina & Shawn Michaels – Motorcycle

Eugene, William Regal, Matt Hardy, Finlay, & Torrie Wilson – SUV (Black)

John Cena & Lita – Normal car (Green)

Jonathon Coachman – Racecar (With WWE logo on the side)

Kane & The Undertaker – Dirt Bikes

Mick Foley – Tennis Shoes

Edge, Christian, Jeff Hardy, & Maria – Bus (Like a city bus)

Ken Kennedy & Kurt Angle – Wheel Barrow

The Rock & Steve Austin – Monster Truck

Donald Trump & Khali – Crappy old pick-up truck (Faded maroon, covered in dirt)

Eddie Guerrero & Rey Mysterio – Low rider (Again)

Chris Benoit, Lillian Garcia, Ariel, & MVP – Small Red Wagon

Sandman & Tommy Dreamer – Scooters

Sabu – 'Flying' Carpet

Chris Masters & Carlito – Normal car (Silver)

Ric Flair, Kenny Dykstra, & Mickie James – Normal car (Green)

Johnny Nitro, Umaga, & Armando Alejandro Estrada – Normal car (Yellow)

Christy Hemme, Hulk Hogan, Brooke Hogan, & JBL – SUV (White)

Chris Jericho & Victoria – Birthday suits

Jericho groaned when he saw the list. He knew damn well what 'Birthday suits' meant, and he didn't have a vehicle. He and Victoria were going to have to walk down the street, completely naked.

"Chris." He heard from behind him.

He turned, and saw Lita. "Yeah."

"I know you both have to be naked, but please don't try anything with Vicki, ok?"

"Don't worry." He replied with a smile. "I'm not gonna. We'll probably get arrested in like ten minutes anyway."

"Thanks. And don't worry, I won't do anything with Cena."

"Alright cool. Maybe we'll meet up and have a little 'reunion' somewhere along the line." He said with a wink.

She smiled. "I hope so. Bye Chris."

"See ya." He said.

"Jericho!"

It was Randy.

"Yeah?"

"Are you really gonna go in your 'birthday suit?'"

"Yep. I don't really have a choice. I doubt McMahon's gonna let me leave with my clothes."

Randy laughed. "Yeah I doubt it too. You know, we might not get to pull anymore pranks together for a long time."

Jericho gave him a thoughtful look. "Yeah, I guess this is the end of the line."

Randy held out a hand. "Well man, it's been a blast. Hopefully we'll be able to get back to all the fun eventually."

Jericho shook Randy's hand and slapped him on the back. "Don't worry. Somehow, I don't think it's gonna be long before we're making Vince's life a living hell again. Now get outta here, unless you wanna see me naked."

Randy laughed. "No thanks, I'll leave. Later assclown."

"Steal my line will ya!? Get lost already you freeloader!"

After Orton's departure, Jericho turned around and saw Vince McMahon and Victoria standing there.

He rolled his eyes. "Well, here we go!" He said, taking off his shirt.

Randy Orton walked away from the self-proclaimed king of the world and found his girlfriend, Melina.

"At least you're not with Austin." He said as she hugged him goodbye.

"Yeah, it could be much worse; at least Shawn's nice. I'll still miss you though." She replied.

Randy smirked, before completely stealing Jericho's line. "Don't worry. Somehow, I don't think it's gonna be long before we're making Vince's life a living hell again."

She smiled. "Hope I see you soon!"

"You too." He told her, then smiled. "Maybe we'll meet up in China or something. Well, I better get going. Me and The Game need to get moving. McMahon gave us roller blades."

She laughed. "I saw. Bye Randy."

"Bye Melina."

She gave him one last hug and a quick kiss before hurrying off to find her partner, Shawn Michaels.

"Come on _lover boy_." Randy heard from behind him.

He turned around to find Triple H holding out a pair of roller blades.

Randy sighed as he took them. "Well, we better get going. Thanks for at least giving me a chance to say goodbye to her." He said.

Hunter smiled. "Yeah I thought about barging in, but I decided to let you two have your moment. We're gonna be miles behind everyone else pretty soon anyway."

"Well, maybe not _everyone._" Randy said with a smile.

"WHOA!!! TOTALLY AWESOME DUDE!!!" Christian yelled as he jumped into the bus. It was enormous, and there were only four of them.

It was a normal bus, with the isle down the middle. Not like the bus-like van they had ridden in before.

Edge got into the driver's seat, Maria and Jeff sat near the middle, and Christian lay down across the back seats.

"Ahh… Now this is the life!" Captain Charisma exclaimed.

"Hey guys! Mr. McMahon just gave me shoes! There's obviously plenty of room, so can I ride with you?" Mick Foley asked from outside the bus.

Edge seemed to think about it for a moment, scratching his chin. "Um… No."

The Rated R Superstar then pulled the lever that shut the door, locking poor Foley out, before driving recklessly out of the parking lot and nearly running over Vince McMahon in the process.

"HEY, YOU SON OF A BITCH!!! YOU BETTER WATCH IT!!" McMahon screamed, even though there was almost no chance Edge could here him.

Sabu was sitting on his carpet, but no matter what he did, the damn thing just wouldn't fly.

It _was_ just a carpet, after all.

Vince came over chuckling. "You don't really think that thing's gonna fly, do you? That's impossible!"

Sabu looked up, his eyes burning with rage. He got to his feet quickly, pulling the carpet with him.

Then he lunged, and began strangling his boss with the rug.

"AHHHHH!! SOMEONE – GET – HIM – OFF – ME!!!" Vince managed to choke out.

No one helped, but it didn't really matter, because Sabu abruptly let go and walked off carrying his carpet a moment later.

"Psychopath…" Vince muttered as he rubbed his throat.

Apparently, the said 'psychopath' heard him, because a moment later, Vince was once again being strangled with the same carpet.

Donald Trump walked up while Vince was being strangled. "You can't really expect me to go along with this McMahon!!"

Vince waited for Sabu to stop before trying to speak. "Sure I can. Because if you don't, you'll have the Great Khali to deal with."

Trump sighed. McMahon was going to pay for this.

"Come on Rob!" Stephanie McMahon yelled to Rob Van Dam, who had gotten on the Undertaker's dirt bike and was refusing to get off.

"Vroom!!! Vroom!! Vroooooooom!!!" Rob was yelling.

"Come on!" Steph whined, but to no avail.

"Hey! Get off my bike or you'll be goin' on a Last Ride, pothead!"

The Undertaker had arrived on the scene.

"But I put a token in!! You can't just take it from me!!"

"Damnit he must be high again!!" Stephanie muttered.

"There's not even a place for a token, Van Dam. This is a real bike, not an arcade game."

"Well then where'd my token go?"

Steph groaned. "Rob we need to leave. Maybe if we go now, we can stop and get pizza!!" She tried.

It worked.

"Awesome!" Rob yelled, jumping off of Taker's bike and jogging over to the passenger side of their convertible.

"Candice!!" Kevin Thorn yelled, waving his hand in the air to make sure she saw him, and then getting in the drivers side of the car. He backed out a bit, until it was facing the street, and then yelled out the window. "Come on!"

Candice Michelle hurried across the lot to the car, getting into the passenger seat.

Right after Candice had got in the vehicle, before the door was even shut, Kevin stepped on the gas.

Their car shot out of the parking lot as Candice barely managed to get the door shut.

"So where do you want to go?" Kevin asked her a moment later.

"Um… I don't know… Somewhere nice."

"Nice?"

"Yeah… You know, like Venice."

Kevin frowned. "Venice Beach?"

She whacked him on the arm. "No silly. Venice, Italy."

"Oh. All right, fine with me. But we're gonna have to go on a boat."

"Yay!" Candice exclaimed, as if she had expected him to turn her down.

Kevin smirked. He had given up mentally attacking himself for hanging around the Divas. There really wasn't a reason to be doing that. Besides, she had already called him sweet. He was in too deep to get out now. So much for the heartless bastard thing.

Ric Flair and Kenny Dykstra hadn't even got to their vehicle yet, and already they were arguing.

"No, damnit! I'm driving! You're too old!!" Kenny yelled.

"You're too young!!!" Flair retorted.

"Well your robes are gay!!"

"Well _you're_ gay!!"

Kenny gasped. "I am not!! I've got a girlfriend!"

"You're just faking it!! No straight man could be part of the Spirit Squad, and I don't even think you're a man!!"

"I'm more of a man than you, Nature _Grandpa!! _You're to old to be living!!"

"It's Nature _Boy, _you little shit!"

"Yeah right! You're three times as old as me and I'm not even a _boy _anymore!"

"What? Did you get a sex change?"

"NO!! You stupid old bastard!! I meant I'm a _man _now!"

"We've already been through this!! No one who was part of the Spirit Squad is a _man!_"

"Says the guy who wears pink robes."

"I wear pink 'cause I'm tough! You were a male cheerleader 'cause you're GAY!!"

"Yeah, well why don't you ask your momma if I'm gay!!?"

"YOU LITTLE PUNK!!"

"Kenny! Ric! Stop!!!" A female voice interrupted.

Both of them looked at Mickie James.

"Ric, Kenny is not gay and I know that for a fact because I'm his girlfriend, and pink robes don't make you tough, they make you look like a sissy. Kenny, Ric is not too old to be alive, and I'm guessing his mother is probably dead, so don't even go there. Besides, I'm gonna be pissed if you cheat on me with an eighty year old woman."

Kenny glared at Ric. "Old fart."

Ric glared back. "Fag."

"STOP!!! No more fighting!! Have you two even realized that Jericho and Victoria are stealing our car!?"

"WHAT!!?" They both yelled at once, looking in the direction of the vehicle meant for them.

Sure enough, Jericho and Victoria, both totally naked, were in the car, and Jericho was just starting it up.

"HEY!!" Kenny yelled as he and Ric charged at them.

Too late. The vehicle screeched out of the lot.

"DAMNIT!!! This is all your fault, Flair!!!

"My fault!? _My_ fault!? You're the one who was wasting time trying to deny being gay!"

"I'M NOT GAY!!"

Mickie just sighed. This was going to be one long-ass trip.


	33. Dine & Dash

Disclaimer – I own nothing.

A/N – Language and content warning in this one! Thanks for all the great reviews, and thanks to all the people who read and reviewed 'A Day in the Life of Vince McMahon.' And to Secretly Dreaming of Beauty, Kenny and Mickie are together in the story because they're together in real life lol :) Sorry it took forever for me to update, but I just got a new computer and it took forever to set up so I couldn't get to the document.

Also, I've been thinking about writing a series of one-shots. If I do this, I'll number each one to keep track of them and see how many I can do. If anyone has any certain couple they'd like to see for a one-shot, feel free to let me know. I'm open to ideas.

Part 33 – Everyone "Dine and Dash"

It was only a few minutes into the road trip from hell, and Johnny Nitro was already exasperated. All he had for company was the psychotic Samoan Bulldozer and his manager; certainly not his ideal choices for partners.

Nitro sighed as Umaga began screaming something in his native language. Once he was done, Nitro looked at Estrada. "What'd he say?"

"He said you need to pay better attention to the road; we could've hit that little old lady." Armando replied.

"We didn't come anywhere near her!!" Nitro exclaimed.

"That's the problem." Estrada told him. "Umaga thinks you should have hit her."

Nitro blinked. "Now that's just screwed up."

"Come on old man! Hurry it up!" Montel Vontavious Porter yelled at Chris Benoit, who was pulling their wagon.

MVP and Ariel were in the wagon, and were forcing Lillian and Benoit to walk.

Chris and Lillian would have both preferred to leave their jerks of partners behind, but MVP pointed out that McMahon had said they all had to stick together.

Then, he and Ariel had refused to get out of the wagon or let anyone else try to squeeze in, giving the other two only one option; pull them along.

"Old man!? I'm not an old man! You better watch your mouth you cocky little punk!"

"Or else what? What are you gonna do old man!? You can't touch this!"

Benoit stopped and turned around. "Are you _asking_ me to put you in the Crossface!?

"No, I'm not asking anything. I'm _demanding _that you go faster! Jeez, old _and_ deaf." MVP replied.

Benoit growled out something along the lines of, "You better sleep with one eye open…" But continued pulling the wagon all the same.

"WOOHOO!!!" Jericho yelled. "I always love the rush I get from stealing a car!"

Victoria rolled her eyes. "I just hope we don't get pulled over. If they don't arrest us for speeding or grand theft auto, we'll be arrested for _this._"

She gestured to herself. Of course, it wasn't hard to figure out what she meant. Neither of them had any clothes on.

Jericho laughed. "Yeah, we should probably stop somewhere and buy some clothes."

"Do _you _want to go into a clothing store naked!?" She exclaimed. "'Cause I'm certainly not going to."

"Yeah good point. Ok. I got a plan. We'll steal a hobo's clothes in the middle of the night and wear those while we buy new clothes."

"I don't wanna wear hobo clothes!! That's disgusting!!"

"Well I wouldn't mind if you stay naked…"

"I'm sure you wouldn't." She muttered, smirking at him. "But, in case you've forgotten, you have a girlfriend."

"So? It's not like you and me are doing anything nasty. Or should I say, sexy."

"I still don't think Lita would be very happy if she caught you ogling me."

"Eh, It doesn't really matter. Cena's probably already taken off his shirt because it was 'too hot' and then put his arm around her because it was 'too cold without his shirt' anyway. As long as she doesn't do anything with him, he can give her a striptease for all I care."

Victoria raised an eyebrow, but had to admit he had a point.

"Hey, Vinnie Mac!" Came a voice Vince hadn't expected to hear. "Why the hell aint I included in this road trip!?"

Vince turned around, and raised an eyebrow, as he looked at the speaker. "You _want_ to go!?"

"Hell yeah. I don't got nothin' better to do!"

Vince sighed. "Most of them have already left!! I wish you'd got here a moment earlier!"

"What about your daughter? She left yet?"

"No, but she's about to so you better hurry up!" Vince exclaimed, pointing at the convertible.

He ran off, yelling, "Yo!! Stephie girl! Hold up!"

Vince groaned. He was about to yell something about her being married, but then realized he didn't care if she broke up with 'The Game.' In fact, that would be a good thing in his mind.

Stephanie turned around, saw him coming, and groaned. "Federline, what the hell are you doing here?"

K-Fed jogged to the driver's side of the car. "I'm comin' wit' you guys!"

"Who says!?"

"Yo daddy says!"

With that, Kevin Federline jumped into the back of the convertible.

"Damnit dad." Stephanie muttered. She already had to deal with the pothead, and now she had to deal with the loser-gold-digging-wannabe-rapper.

"Uh, Shawn? Do you even know how to drive a motorcycle?" Melina asked her partner when she saw the way he was looking at the vehicle.

He looked at her. "Do I know how to drive a motorcycle!? Can the Heartbreak Kid drive a motorcycle!? You're seriously asking if one half of D-Generation X knows how to drive a _motorcycle_?"

"Yeah. That's what I asked."

"No."

Melina sighed. "Then we may be in some trouble…"

Shawn laughed. "I'm just kidding! Get on girl!" He shouted, getting on the bike.

She shook her head. "Where are we going?"

He revved the engine. "Wherever the first highway we get on takes us!"

Melina smirked as she got on.

"IT WAS NOT MY FAULT!!" Ric Flair practically screamed.

"YES IT WAS!!!" Kenny screamed back.

Mickie James let out a long sigh. She had long since given up trying to get them to stop arguing. Now, the current subject of argument was whose fault it was that their car got stolen.

Currently, the three of them were walking down the street.

"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WAS PART OF THE SPIRIT SQUAD!!!"

"WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING!?"

"I DON'T KNOW!!!"

Kenny stopped, looked at Ric, and raised an eyebrow. "You really suck, you know that?"

"At least I don't suck other guys!"

Mickie decided to cut in right there. "Ok that's it!! You two both need to shut up! I swear I'm thinking about shoving one of you into the street the next time a truck comes by!"

Kenny and Ric stopped yelling for the moment, but kept glaring at each other.

"GET OFF THE ROAD YOU FUCKING JACKASS!!!" Edge screamed from the driver's seat of their bus.

Jeff Hardy shook his head. "That's not going to help anything." He muttered, but Edge didn't hear him.

Maria sighed. "I wish John was here…"

"Yeah these groups suck." Jeff agreed. "Everyone should get together again."

But Maria wasn't listening; instead, she was looking out the window. "John!!!"

Jeff looked, and sure enough, John Cena and Lita were in the car directly to the right of the bus.

"Hey Maria!" Cena yelled back.

Jeff got an idea. "You guys should ditch the car and get in with us! Vince said we had to stay in groups, he didn't say the groups couldn't join up!"

Cena said something to Lita, and then looked back to the bus. "Alright fine with us, as long as no one crazy is in there!"

"It's just me, Maria, Christian, and Edge." Jeff yelled back.

Cena seemed to be debating whether or not he considered Edge crazy for a moment, before he finally yelled. "As long as we don't let no one else in there!! Unless they're not annoying bastards like most of em'."

"No, just you guys!" Jeff replied

"Ok, pull over!"

"Edge!" Jeff yelled. "Pull the bus over! We're gonna let Cena and Lita in with us."

"Hell no!!"

"What?"

"I said hell no!"

"Why not? It'll be better with them!"

"NO!!!"

Jeff groaned. "Come on dude just pull over. They won't bother you if you don't want them to."

"NO!!!"

"Please??" Maria begged.

Edge looked back at her for a second. "Ok."

"Ah what the hell!?" Jeff exclaimed.

"I don't like you." Edge replied, pulling the bus to the side of the road and opening the doors.

The younger of the Hardy's rolled his eyes. Edge was an idiot.

Lita and John Cena entered a moment later, and Jeff got up so Maria could sit with John while he sat down by Lita.

It wasn't long until nighttime, and by then, many of the wrestlers and divas were far away from the starting location.

"Kevin, can we stop? I'm _really_ hungry." Candice moaned, clutching her stomach.

"Where do you want to stop?" Thorn asked her.

"I don't care… Just someplace that has a good dinner menu."

Kevin smirked as an idea popped into his head. He couldn't wait to see the waiter's expression when he asked for a glass of blood at a fancy restaurant.

Of course, if he somehow actually got the blood, he wouldn't really drink it, but it would still be fun.

They'd probably get thrown out, actually. Those places were too damn proper.

Randy Orton and Triple H were roller blading down the side of the highway, talking about whatever popped into their heads.

"Which would you rather make out with? The Fabulous Moolah, or a donkey?" Hunter asked.

"Oh damn that's a hard one." Randy muttered. "I'm gonna have to go with the donkey."

"Yeah I agree with ya there." The Game replied with a chuckle.

"Alright, here's one for you. Would you rather make out with Mae Young or your mom?" Randy asked.

"Nasty." Triple H replied. "I guess my mom, as long as it was just a kiss."

"Yeah I'd much rather make out with your mom then Mae Young." Randy said, earning himself a middle finger in the face.

They both laughed.

"The Rock thinks you should have turned right back there." The Rock mumbled to the driver of the vehicle, Stone Cold Steve Austin.

"WHAT!?"

"The Rock said he thinks you should have-"

"WHAT!?"

"The Rock _said-_"

"WHAT!?"

"The Rock thinks you need a hearing aid."

"WHAT!?"

"THE ROCK SAID HE THINKS YOU NEED A HEARING AID!!!" Rocky yelled very loudly.

"WHAT!?"

"Homosaywhat? (Homo say what)" The Rock said extremely fast.

"WHAT!?"

"HAHA!!! THE ROCK GOT YOU TO ADMIT YOU'RE A HOMO!!!"

"WHAT!?"

"You're a homo!"

"WHAT!?"

"You know what? The Rock is going to yell his catch phrases now."

"WHAT!?"

"IF YA SSSMMMMMMMEEELLLLLL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIN!"

"WHAT!?"

"WHAT IN THE BLUE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?"

"WHAT!?"

"THE ROCK IS GOING TO STICK HIS FOOT UP YOUR CANDY ASS!!!"

"WHAT!?"

This went on for a very long time.

Trish Stratus was sitting at her house in Toronto, Ontario, Canada, and she was bored out of her mind.

She was still pissed at the guys and girls of the WWE for shoving her head in the toilet and tying her up in the closet, but the more she thought about it, the more she thought she might actually have _deserved _it.

She thought she could almost definitely forgive them if they forgave her. Well, maybe not Kevin Thorn, after all, he did drive their van through the wall of her beach house, but everyone else, she could forgive. She was actually starting to miss them.

Trish let out a long sigh. She was probably going to regret this in the near future, but she pulled out her cell phone and dialed a number that had been on there for years.

"Yeah?" Came the answer. It was a female voice.

"Jericho? Since when are you a woman?" She asked.

"Haha very funny. This isn't Jericho. Who the hell am I talking to?"

"I could ask you the same question." Trish replied.

The other sighed. "This is Victoria. I answered Chris's phone because A – He's driving and B – It was in my purse."

"Why was it in your purse?"

"He didn't have anywhere else for it. McMahon made us strip down and give him our clothes before we left."

Trish was trying not to laugh. "Everyone?"

"Just us. You never answered my question. Who the hell is this?"

"Trish Stratus."

"Oh. What do you want?"

"Just give the phone to Chris."

"Whatever."

Trish waited, and a moment later, she heard, "Y2J, first ever WWF Undisputed Champion, huge rock star, and master of the universe speaking. What the hell do you want?"

She groaned, assuming Victoria had told him who she was. "God Jericho you really have an ego problem, you know that? I was just calling to see if I could get you to come pick me up."

"What!? Why do you want us to pick you up!? You're the one who ratted us out Vince and got us roped into another road trip!! Plus, you were bragging that you didn't have to go!!"

"I know. I wanted to apologize for all that. I just got mad and acted before I had a chance to think. I've been sitting home alone for just a few hours, and already I'm bored. I didn't realize how much fun it was when we were all just traveling together until now. Sorry."

Jericho seemed to be thinking for a moment, then, "Well alright… It's not gonna be the same you know. We're not all together anymore. Vince split us up."

"I know. But it'll still be fun. And, knowing you guys and your crazy ideas, half the roster will probably be on a space ship to Mars by next week." Trish told him.

"Hey! You know, that's a damn good idea! I'll have to see if I can steal a rocket…" Jericho muttered.

Trish wondered if he was just joking around, or actually being serious. She wouldn't put it past him. By next week, half the roster really _could _be on their way to Mars. It wasn't likely, but Trish guessed it was possible.

"So… Can you come get me?" She asked. "I'm at my house in Toronto."

"Call Edge. He, Christian, Maria, and Jeff have a bus."

"Ok." She replied. "See ya later Chris."

"See ya."

Trish hung up and dialed Edge. "What!?"

She rolled her eyes. "You really need a better greeting."

"Who the hell is this!?"

"Trish."

"Trish? Well what the hell do you want!?"

"Can you guys come get me?" She asked, and then explained the situation to him.

"Um… Let me think about that… It might take a while. I'll get back to you when Coach can wrestle."

He hung up.

Trish let out a sigh, knowing that that meant never. She dialed another number in her phonebook; silently thinking it would be faster if she were using her cell phone.

"Yeah?" She heard, and it wasn't the voice she had expected. Much too deep to be Carlito.

"Hello? Who is this?"

"Chris Masters. Who're you?"

"Trish. Can I talk to Carlito?"

"No."

"What?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Just because!!"

Starting to get agitated, Trish pinched the bridge of her nose. "Chris, why are you being so difficult?"

"I'm not."

"Yes you are!"

"No I'm not!"

"Then let me talk to Carlito!"

"No!"

"Why the heck not!?"

"Because he's… not here."

"Well where is he?"

"He… died."

"CHRIS!!!"

"What?"

"Give…the…phone…to…Carlito…" Trish said very slowly, trying not to yell.

"Well, ok."

Trish breathed in and out slowly. When she didn't here anything after a minute, Trish spoke up. "Hello?"

No reply.

"Hello? Carlito? Chris? Hello!?"

"Yeah?"

"CHRIS, GIVE THE DAMN PHONE TO CARLITO!!!"

"I did!!"

"No you didn't!!"

"Yes I did!! He just didn't say anything 'cause he's dead!"

"He's not dead!!'

"Prove it."

"Oh, come on!!!" Trish yelled. "Masters, I'm gonna find you and shove Carlito's apple up your ass if you don't give him the phone right now!!!"

"Ok. I'll see you whenever you find me then."

"No!! Wait!! Masters!!?" Trish shouted, but she was too late.

"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again." The dull voice of the phone operator told her.

Damnit. Now two people had just hung up on her.

Trish tried to keep her sanity as she looked through the phonebook for someone else's number. Anyone would do, at this point.

"Who was that?" Carlito asked the man Vince had partnered him up with for the road trip.

"Telemarketer." The Masterpiece replied.

"Oh. I didn't think they called cell phones."

Masters shrugged. "Yeah, I didn't either."

"Hey Sylvan, why the hell did you ask Mark Henry to marry you?" Rob Conway asked his friend.

"Triple H gave me a hundred bucks."

Rene Dupree laughed. "So if I gave you a hundred bucks to propose The Undertaker, you'd do it?"

Sylvan shrugged. "Sure."

Rene looked away from the road for a second, pulled out his wallet, and gave Sylvan a hundred dollar bill.

"Next time I see him, I'll ask him to marry me."

Conway snickered. "And then he'll break both your legs, rip out your intestines, poke out your eyes, break each of your fingers one at a time, knock out all your teeth, stick a spike up your nose, and shove your Canadian flag up your ass."

Rene looked at him. "You actually think that highly of that supernatural freak?"

"No, I just don't think very highly of Sylvan. If Taker attacks him, he's as good as dead."

Rene nodded. "Oh. Makes since."

"I'd like to see either of you two propose to the Undertaker!!" Sylvan retorted.

Conway looked at him. "I'm not gay."

"Me neither." Rene agreed.

"I'm not either, but- wait a minute, you're _not _gay?" Sylvan yelled, looking at Rene.

"No!! You already knew that!!"

Sylvan raised an eyebrow. "I did?"

"I defended us when those freaks Billy, Chuck, and Rico were 'checking us out' on the last road trip! Plus, you met my ex girlfriend!"

"Oh yeah. But seriously, you really aren't gay?"

"NO!!!"

It was then that Sylvan's phone went off, playing the Canadian national anthem. Sylvan fished it out of Rene's 'man purse,' where he had stored it. "Yes?"

"Is this Sylvan Grenier?"

"It is. May I ask who is speaking?"

"Trish Stratus. I'm calling to ask if you can come pick me up?"

"Why would I want to do that?"

"Um… Well… you'd get to come to Canada… and…it would make me happy… and… uh… I'm hot."

"Point well taken. Tell me where your house is, and we'll be there as soon as possible."

Trish smiled. Finally, someone willing to get her. Even if it _was _Sylvan. He'd always been nice to her backstage, more so than Rene or Conway. Those guys seemed to rub a lot of people the wrong way, especially Conway. Rene and Sylvan really weren't bad guys.

Trish thought for a moment about the group that called themselves 'La Resistance.' They'd really been nice guys when they'd first joined the WWE. Well, not Conway. He had always been somewhat of a jackass. As previously mentioned, Rene and Sylvan weren't that bad. Rene had gotten somewhat arrogant backstage since joining WWE, but not really too bad in Trish's opinion, and Sylvan was still pretty much the same as when he first got the contract. Conway was the only one who had actually been downright rude to her.

The three of them really knew how to piss off the fans though, and that was always good for the business.

Still smiling, she gave him her address and directions how to get there.

"Alright. We're just exiting Nevada right now, so it will be a while."

"Ok. I'll wait."

"Why do you want to come anyway?"

"I'm bored."

"Good reason, I suppose."

"Yeah."

"Alright, bye."

"Bye."

"Road construction ahead!? Oh, just freaking great!" Stephanie McMahon shouted when she saw the sign.

Sure enough, tons of security signs and barricades were placed on the road ahead, and construction workers were hard at work.

"Just crash through it!" Rob Van Dam suggested, and Steph rolled her eyes.

"I'm not going to crash through it, Rob. That's not safe, plus we'd probably get arrested." She told him, keeping the vehicle going at about 30 miles per hour.

"We're probably gonna get arrested eventually anyway." Rob said, indicating the man in the back.

Stephanie looked over her shoulder, just in time to see Mr. Federline himself leaning a ways out of the car and grabbing one of the construction signs.

"Oh crap…" Stephanie muttered, before stepping on the gas and speeding out of there.

'WOOHOO!! SEE YA LATER SUCKAS!!!" K-Fed yelled, waving the sign at them.

One of the construction workers, a WWE fan, turned to his friend. "Is it just me, or did Stephanie McMahon, RVD, and Kevin Federline just drive by and steal one of our signs?"

The other scratched his head as he watched the car go. "For once, it's not just you. I can't believe I just saw that…"

"Here is your bill, sir."

Kevin Thorn grabbed the small pamphlet and pulled out their bill. He and Candice were eating at a sort-of fancy restaurant, but Kevin would be damned if he'd pay more than a hundred dollars for everything.

"1583 dollars and 50 cents!?" He practically screamed. "What the hell!?"

"Sir, with all do respect, you ordered two lobsters, our special clam chowder, three orders of steak, six orders of buffalo wings with barbeque sauce, five personal pizzas, twenty-seven refills on you drink, three smoked salmon, seven ice-cream cakes, eight other cakes, and forty-three ice-cream sundaes."

"Well yeah but I didn't eat most of it." Kevin said, gesturing to the piles and piles of food remaining on their table.

Candice shook her head.

"I know sir, but we can't take it back to the kitchen, so you'll just have to pay."

"I don't give a damn!! The price of food shouldn't be that high!!"

"Well sir, it's actually not. See, you also broke seventeen of our best plates, tore down and smashed the miniature light fixture above your table, destroyed three chairs, threw your silverware at other guests, and assaulted the waiter who brought the lobster."

"It was cold, and he gave be a bunch of bullshit!"

"You're just lucky the police were not called."

"I'm lucky? _I'm _lucky!? You're the one who's lucky!! Lucky I don't just rip your throat out right here you little bastard!! I'll pay five bucks and that's it!!"

"Sir, your bill is 1583 dollars and 50 cents. That is what you'll have to pay."

"Five… dollars…"

The poor waiter sighed. "Sir, please. I cannot go home until you pay. I promised my kids I would help with their homework before bedtime."

Candice offered him an apologetic look, but Kevin just scowled.

"Well if you're so damn eager to get home, you can pay for me!!"

"Please just pay."

Kevin sighed, and started to get his wallet out. Just when the waiter was starting to breath a sigh of relief, Kevin yelled, "GO TO HELL!!" Then slung Candice over his shoulder and made a run for it.

"Sir! Stop!! SIR!!!" The waiter tried, but to no avail. Kevin ran out into the parking lot, found their car, set Candice down, yelled, "Get in!!" and jumped in the driver's seat.

The waiter came running out into the parking lot just as Kevin stepped on the gas and sped out.

Candice sighed. "Kevin, did you really have to order all that stuff you weren't going to eat and then refuse to pay for it?"

"Hell yes I did. And I also had to beat the living hell out of that waiter who served us cold lobster, so don't even ask about that."

She shook her head. "We're gonna get arrested."

He smirked. "Nah, I don't think that guy saw the license plate, and even if he did, we'll be out of the country soon."

"Oh yeah!! Are we going to Venice?"

"Whatever you want, babe."

_Babe!? _Did he just call her _babe!?_ This was getting too damn far. He was going to lose his mind. Oh well. He never really had all of it in the first place.


End file.
